Cold, Cold World.

Isla River Davernport. Fifteen and a sophomore. Not a Psycho. Now words like "innocence" Don't mean a thing You hear the music play But you can't sing

[nolightnolight-isla]

Isla's moodboard:

[faefriend]

Visit Original Link

cough syrup (acoustic) // young the giant

life’s too short to even care at all, oh

[valkyras-blog]

…and when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people [X]

[historicalromancequotes]

“We don’t fit in, you and me,” he said. “We’re both oddities no one knows what to do with. But we fit together.” He took her hand, pressed her palm to his, then laced their fingers through each other’s. “We fit.”

The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie, Jennifer Ashley (via hjartawrites)

[haulet]

“I’m not going to be the girl you marry, but I’ll be the girl you’ll be thinking of 20 years from now while you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline.”

[keritheunwanted]

Visit Original Link

[nolightnolight-isla]

the 60 day song challenge: Day 6:  A song that reminds you of your best friend; Bruno Mars - Count on Me

[punkshaped]

[teethxforxaxgift]

                       Don’t forget

                        who I was

                     before I turned

                            into a

                      m o n s t e r

[dailyfuhrman]

25/∞

[themonstersihavebeen]

Better Times

[themonstersihavebeen]

Nash wasn’t completely dumbfounded by her answer, and when he thought about it he knew that he probably should have realized. He had seen in Isla how important she thought it was that she could take care of herself, so who was he to stand in the way of that? But it also worried him slightly, because if she wasn’t there for his money and his ability to provide her with more than likely endless material comfort, he wasn’t sure how long she would bother with him. Then again, he knew Isla was better than that, but also that he really wasn’t. “Fine,” he replied, still sounding annoyed, but also letting her know that he understood.

"Don’t be so sure about that," he grumbled back. What if he actually did catch something? Who knew what waited for him in those well-used, bacteria-filled bus seats. Nash groaned at her quite loudly, looking at her with an annoyed frown. "You’re kidding, right?" But then again, he didn’t see a bus around so he assumed she wasn’t. "I hate waiting," he told her. "I hate waiting almost as much as I hate public transport." He continued, slightly scared by the fact that he was so whipped he let her drag him onto public transport, and trying to hide it behind complaints. "And I hate public transport almost as much as I hate the public," he finished, though the annoyance had almost left his voice by now. He found it had to stay annoyed or angry with Isla for long, and he just sighed softly, stepping closer to her, his free hand brushing against hers.

[nolightnolight-isla]

If she had been anyone else, she'd have probably given into him letting him take care of things for her. But Isla had relied on other people in her past, she hadn't been capable of taking care of herself but now that she was, she wasn't about to give into letting him do things for her not when doing things as silly as paying for a bus ticket meant so much to her. And she also wanted to prove to him she wasn't just some screwed up little girl who needed him all the time, she had to be her own person so that she could be someone worth keeping around. She smiled to herself pleased, "Thank you."

There was a side to Isla that was enjoying the thought of Nash having to give in to her and do things the way she wanted and there was a side that wanted to laugh at his words. "I'm going to reassure you in the fact that the plague was cured a long time ago so the worst that could happen is that you catch a cold, but that probably won't happen 'cause you're you and all," she stated though she couldn't help but smirk as she did. "It's all of ten minuets, not an hour so calm down," she sighed looking at him through the corner of her eye. Sometimes she could only see Nash as a big impatient kid. "I'm part of the public," she stated, knowing that he probably did see her that way. But she was no where near him on the society ladder and that made her the general public. She smiled softly at his closeness she had begun to get used to it, though she caught his pinky finger with her own. "I hope you don't take up a whole two seats."

[themonstersihavebeen]

Better Times

[themonstersihavebeen]

Nash sighed yet again in frustration, looking at her partly confused and partly annoyed. He cocked his head slightly, his gaze lingering on her, not finding an argument so he could continue to argue with her. He just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want his money, after all, all the girls he’d kept as his booty calls had liked it when he bought them stuff. “Why is relying on me so bad?” he asked her eventually, now more confused than annoyed.

He watched her walk past him, and blew out a breath of annoyed air. Though he was also impressed, he realized as he watched the sway of her hips where she walked, and very amused. He liked her like this, despite how much her extreme stubbornness could annoy him, but it was hard for him not to give in. He wasn’t even conflicted about what to do, because the second she gave him that cocky smile, he knew what he wanted. “God, you’re so fucking stubborn,” he said, annoyed, under his breath, but hurried to catch up with her. “For fuck’s sake, princess,” he said when he was at her side, rolling his eyes but there was a tiny grin on his face. He wasn’t even mad about leaving his car behind, after all, he knew there were cars were they were going, and still, stepping on that bus with Isla didn’t really seem all that bad. Sure, he would probably moan and complain, but she did get him on that fucking bus by simply being Isla.

[nolightnolight-isla]

Isla knew Nash was used to throwing his money about, he liked the lifestyle it gave him and the power it gave him. But for her money wasn't everything, she saw the side of Nash no on else did and she didn't care for his money, she cared for him. And she wanted to prove to him that she had the strength to take care of herself, then she could be more than what people labelled her or how her medication controlled her. "Because I can rely on myself and I need to do that," she explained hoping he would understand.

It wasn't often that she felt as brave as this to stand up to him and try and make him do things her way, but she felt as though if she let him think she'd live with him always doing things for her there would be no chance of her doing things and being strong by herself even if had already helped to build that strength. Feeling him at her side she couldn't help but smile, she'd won a small battle but for her it felt like a big one. "It's just a bus Nash, I promise you won't catch anything," she replied sarcastically, she couldn't help but be amused at the fact he would come on it with her. Part of her wanted to hold his hand as they walked but she kept her hand at her side. "The bus won't be for another ten minuets," she told him happily, he'd probably be annoyed by it but she couldn't of been happier. 

[themonstersihavebeen]

Better Times

[themonstersihavebeen]

Nash frowned, an annoyed sound leaving his mouth as he threw his arm out in frustration. “What the hell does that even mean? ‘Normal people’?” he yelled at her from where he was standing so she would hear him, rubbing his neck, and groaning in frustration once more. “If normal equals poor, then save it, I don’t wanna hear it.” Nash didn’t really have the patience to deal with that.

He looked at her, hoping to see her move towards him and give in, but she didn’t seem to be moving a muscle. “Oh, come on! That’s ridiculous,” he told her, starting to walk back to her again. Briefly, he considered just picking her up and physically putting her in his car, but knew that would not make Isla happy in the slightest. “You might not need me to drive you, but I want to. Even more important, I want to drive me, so come on,” he pleaded when he stopped in front of her. 

[nolightnolight-isla]

Isla couldn't help but look away at his words. Part of her wanted to laugh but the other part of her knew that would only annoy him. "People who don't have cars or such luxuries as you do," she stated nervously, she meant people who didn't have their father's paying for everything. "I want to take the bus Nash, I can pay for myself that way, I don't want to rely on you to do it," she continued moving towards him a bit more, but there was an uncertainty in her step, she didn't mean to upset him.

"I just want to take the bus Nash," she stated mustering up a bit more courage. "I like bus journeys and I'd like to take  them with you too, it's a everyday thing to do, so I just want to take the bus and then there'd be no fuss," she argued with him. Though once she got closer she ended up moving past him, as if his car didn't exist. "I'm taking the bus, so you can either join me, or meet me there after driving yourself," she turned back to look at him as she threw him the ultimatum but she couldn't help but smile cockily, in a way that he probably would of to her. "So it's really your choice."

[themonstersihavebeen]

Better Times

Nash rolled his eyes at her impatiently, picking up her bag and walking firmly towards his car, just expecting her to follow behind him. “That’s probably the worst idea you’ve ever had, Isla,” he said over his shoulder, scoffing at her. He was not going to set foot in a public bus, forcing him to breathe the same air as people he didn’t deem worthy of his presence. Not an option. Though because it was Isla who he was talking to, he stopped and turned around to look at her pointedly, sighing in slight frustration. “Why would you want to take the bus, the gross, public bus when you get to ride for free in my car?” He threw his up his free hand for emphasis, gesturing towards his newly polished car.

[nolightnolight-isla]

Isla couldn't help but grit her teeth together as he picked up her bag. She didn't follow him, instead she stood and crossed her arms. "It's better than taking your car. Unlike you, I like taking buses and doing normal things, the way normal people would," she argued with him, though the truth was she didn't want the whole thing to turn into Nash doing everything for her. She didn't need him to drive when she could pay for her bus ticket with her own money. "Because I can afford to take the gross bus full of gross people, and I don't need to be chaperoned and chauffeured around by you all the time," she replied looking down, she knew he was just trying to be nice but Isla didn't want to be someone who had everything done for her, she could do things herself and she could pay her own way. She didn't want Nash to just pay her way into things for her. 

[nolightnolight-isla]

"Nash?"

[nolightnolight-isla]

[themonstersihavebeen]

Good, that’s all I wanted, princess. [raises his eyebrows, his mouth  turning up at the corners] Okay. [shakes his head, rolling his eyes and leaning in to peck her on the mouth quickly as a distraction] Whatever, sweetheart.

You do though, princess, you care if I’m good or not. [kisses her teasingly in triumph] Of course I can. You’re too stubborn to believe anything I have to say anyway, sweets. [grabs her chin, making her look at him and raising his eyebrows pointedly] No. I don’t know that, Isla. Being raped and being ill is not your fault. Nothing that has happened to you is your fault. Tell me one thing that you think is your fault and I’ll manage to prove you wrong, I know I will, because it wasn’t your fault. [opening his mouth slightly, but kissing her gently still, using their still braided hands to cup her cheeks]

[snorts, chuckling humorlessly] You’re the only person who isn’t. No one said you have to do any of the stuff, Isla. There are people who go their whole lives without having sex or whatever, it’s fine. You don’t need to worry, okay? Not about that, I’m not going to force you into anything. [looks at her, frowning] I don’t know either, okay? It’s confusing, I’m confused. I don’t know. [doesn’t look at her, shaking his head] I don’t believe you. You believe the things I tell you, I know you do, and it won’t matter if you know I say hurtful stuff on purpose ‘cause you still believe it. You don’t think you do, but I know you, and you do. [clenches his jaw, looking away from her] I’ve been so close, more than once. [shakes his head, anger starting to show in his voice] I don’t have any control, Isla! You don’t know how fucking terrifying that is. 

[nolightnolight-isla]

You always manage to get what you want, don't you? [She laughs in reply.] Good. [Frowns at him as he pecks her lips.] You're not the bad guy Nash.

I do care about those things, but only because I care what happens to you. [Rolls her eyes though kisses him back.] If you talk like that you will go on the floor. No I just know the truth. [Avoids looking him in the eyes. Not wanting to talk about it.] Yes you do. You know it. Yes it was. Being ill's  my fault, because it's me who is ill. And it was my fault because I was the one who snuck out that night... It wouldn't of happened if I had stayed in... It was... [She opens her mouth slightly in return, leaning into the kiss more.] 

[Smiles.] Maybe I am, maybe there's other people who aren't though. I...I know but it's what people do isn't it? P-people are supposed to do that stuff together... I always worry Nash... especially about that.... I can't help it... I know you aren't... [Rubs her face lightly, getting frustrated.] Then why are we talking about this? I-if you don't know and I don't know... [Moves closer to him, looking him in the face.] Maybe you don't but I believe in you. Maybe they hurt me a little but I know it's not you, it's not what you mean to say. It doesn't matter what bad things you say Nash because I know that you say good things too. [Bites her lip.] You wouldn't hurt me I know you wouldn't. [Reaches for his hand, squeezing it tightly.] Yes I do. I know that feeling better than anyone else...

[nolightnolight-isla]

"Nash?"

[themonstersihavebeen]

Well, I don’t want you to be any less like yourself. I just don’t want you to be scared all the time. [rolls his eyes] Relax, I won’t hurt your cat. I’m not that much of a monster. [raises his eyebrows] I’m not putting myself down. I just don’t need you to do that whole you’re perfect to me thing.

[looks where she points at the floor, before looking back at her pouting] That’s mean, Isla.I’ll stop, I promise I’ll be good, okay? [grins, leaning in closer to her] I’ll behave, I promise. For God’s sake, Isla, stop that. You don’t need to be normal to be sweet. You’re the sweetest person I know and will probably ever know, it’s actually kinda unsettling how sweet you are after everything you’ve been through. No, most things aren’t your fault. Just stop. [grins, touching his lips gently against hers, letting her get used to his touch again while also inviting her to deepen the kiss when it suited her]

Right back at you, princess.

I know it does… And I know I’ve given you a lot of reasons to be pretty fucking terrified of me when it comes to that stuff but you really don’t need to worry, Isla. [turns his head to watch her as she lays back] Well, this whole thing is pretty confusing… [watches her as she sits up, studying her face carefully, his own face serious] I could. I could get angry and tell you a lot of fucking horrible things to make you cry ‘cause that’s what I do when I’m upset. Or I could get angry and actually hurt you, physically, because I can’t fucking control myself. I could get angry and ruin you. I destroy things, Isla, everything I touch, and all I want is for you to get better, I can’t be the one who ruins you.

[nolightnolight-isla]

I won't be any less like myself Nash. And I am braver now than I was before I met you. [Crosses her arms.] Good and you aren't monster at all. [Sighs.] Maybe you don't want the whole your perfect thing but you need to not see yourself as the bad guy.

[Shakes her head at his pouting and points at the floor again.] You're not winning this time Nash Caldwell. I don't care if you're good or not. [Turns her head looking at him.] Fine, you can stay. Well I think you do have to be normal to be sweet, no matter what you say. I'm not that sweet... Yes they are, you know they are. [Smiles against his lips, leaning into him a little and deepening the kiss.] 

I'm not scared of you Nash... Not you, you're the one person I am not scared of. I'm just scared of the stuff, not you. I do worry about it though... [Covers her face with her hand.] But I don't know what you're trying to get at Nash... I don't understand this... [Looks at him before sitting up a little more.] But I know you wouldn't mean it Nash. I know you don't mean what you say when you're angry, so it wouldn't matter to me. Nash you wouldn't hurt me, you've never hurt me Nash. Not even when you've been angry. You haven't ruined me, you've been my friend for so long and you haven't ruined me you've helped me. Don't you see that? You won't ruin me, I know you won't. 

[nolightnolight-isla]

"Nash?"

[themonstersihavebeen]

[frowns] No. I never said I wanted you to be less like yourself. Where the hell did you get that from? Fine, I’ll stop if it bothers you that much. But I’m slipping up for things to tease you about. [chuckles] Don’t do that, princess.

[grins, cocking his head] But I do always get my way, sweetheart. [sighs] No, normal people are boring. And you’re not, except when you make me sit and wait while you finish your homework, that’s pretty boring but yeah. [studies her face] Just ‘cause you refuse to realize not everything’s your fault. [sits up with her still in his lap, never letting go off her hands but leaning in to kiss her, smirking at her gently] Yeah?

I feel the same way, you know, like you do about talking to me about stuff. 

[shrugs lightly, staring up at the ceiling] I don’t know. [sighs, pausing] I like you, Isla. A lot. I like kissing you and this…I like being with you like this. [bites his lip, frowning] But…I don’t think you should be more than friends with me. I’m no good, I might hurt you. [looks at her, studying her face] And I don’t want that.

[nolightnolight-isla]

I just meant that you try to make me braver and stuff... I didn't mean to make it sound like you said that I just didn't know how to explain. And I just thought taking a leaf out of your book would make you happy... [Smiles at him.] You can tease me about her as long as you don't do anything to her. [Shakes her head stubbornly.] Only when you stop putting yourself down.

Yeah well not anymore, Mr Cocky. You're not getting what you want from me so you can go on the floor now. [She smirked at him pointing at the floor and then pushing his shoulder lightly.] Out on the floor for you. [She looked away frowning.] No, normal people are great they get to be sweet and boring or not boring. I'm not like them. Yeah well maybe you should bring some work to do with you. [She shrugged.] Most things are though, so I'll be sorry anyway. [Smiles lightly as he sits up, still looking at their hands. Then biting her lip lightly as he leaned in, nodding.] Yeah. 

[She sighs playing with his hands.] I know, I know you don't want to talk but if that changes I just need you to know that I'm here to listen...

[Frowns to herself shifting away slightly unsure of what to say to him.] I like you a lot too... The kissing and stuff is getting better for me to handle... But you still scare me, or rather the stuff scares me. [Lays back on the bed.] You're confusing. You say you like it but that we shouldn't be more... [She sits up again staring at him, a small amount of anger on her face.] You can't hurt me? If you were ever to hurt me, I'd forgive you because nothing that you'll ever do will amount to the kind of hurt I've already suffered.

[fhurmansdaily]