what i imagined i’d say if the man i love asked me to open up to him, and i dared to, but i somehow finished on a stage under a spotlight feeling anything but pain
“I just feel like I’ve been giving my self out these last few years. For the sake of experience. And now that I have the brains, the fucking bone structure, nutrients, to process and digest things in a thorough order, in a way that I can make great art - great art defined by the pouring of my pure soul, not the quality of the product - I have all these burned out cables for nerves. But they are the only ones I’ve been given in this life to use. And now that I know the life of expression, I must try to live as long as I can and get the most out of it. But these cables… are where I begin. These nerve endings that I’ve overstimulated with the greatest fucks and feelings thus far, I have to make something with them. Give them meaning even if it’s been declared meaningless, by me or anyone involved. And pin it up for a week, for show. Then bury it deep where the wolves won’t dig. Or else I’ll die in a year or two, and be forced to keep living, while death reeks from within me. Because I was too lazy to clean the shit when it started piling up.”