I recently discovered this podcast about linguisticsĀ called Lingthusism and weāve really got into it, itās great for driving and hanging out at home! Check it out; the hosts will infect you with their enlingthusiasm, too!
In Episode 15Ā the closing remarks from GretchenĀ prompted me to think about how the more we learn about something, the better (hopefully!) we can contextualise it and articulate how something affects us, people we know or groups.
ā¦thereās a certain amount of similarity that linguistics has to another hobby that Iāve taken up ā stargazing.
Before I started stargazing, I would go outside at night and look up at the stars and be like āwow thereās stars, thatās nice! Theyāre there! Look, pretty!ā
I knew one or two constellations but if I couldnāt find thoseā¦ oh, thereās stars.
Now that Iāve been stargazing for over a year and I know what most of the constellations are and how they move through the sky at different hours of the day and different times of the year and I have names associated with them ā I go outside and when I look at the same sky, and what I see there is different because all of the individual pieces have meaning now and have associations with them and have patterns that I can see.
And obviously the sky hasnāt changed, Iāve changed.
But in many cases, language is kind of like all those stars ā youāre surrounded by it all the time, you hear and see it, itās there, but being able to look at language like a linguist looks at language, is, now you have words and you have frameworks that you can put in ā hereās what all these sounds are, theyāre not just a bath of sounds, theyāre āconstellationsā.
So you have this way of making sense of all of the stuff youāre seeing and experiencing and putting it into some sort of context.
I think for me thatās one of the things thatās really magical about linguistics. And stargazing!
This really struck a chord with me. As Iāve said before, one of the frustrating things about being young is not having the vocabulary and understanding to effectively describe things that happen and the way they make you feel.
Here are a fewĀ constellationsĀ that, over the years, have come together and helped me make sense of the world to an extent. Non-exhaustive, of course.
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[Internalised misogyny,Ā Gaslighting, Rape Culture and Bro Culture constellation slides]
We could name stars for conceptsā¦
NotAllMen alpha
Youāre crazy centauri
Ball & chain beta
But to be more positive, I also saw a post recently aboutĀ Green Flags ā the opposite of āred flagsā (little hints from words and behaviours that warn us of potentially abusive or otherwise dangerous and unpleasant people) i.e. hints that show youāre with a good person! Hereās a constellation for that, too.
Because while weāre sold a lot of red flagsĀ disguisedĀ as green ones (looking at you, RomComs), weāre also rarely actively taught what real respect, kindness and care looks like. So, letās share examples of those to help each other out, too.
Perhaps itās because of a recent conversation with a friend whoās recovering from a horrible relationship experience with a man (and hey that could beā¦ just about any of my friends! Sad indictment of our world); they wondered how it can ever be easy to identify abusive people before youāre so wrapped up in it.
Honestly, I think itās really difficult. Most of us have had run-ins we might have avoided if weād known the signs. But sadly, society doesnāt teach us aboutĀ red flags in a useful way ā not to the extent it likes to couch abuse in the language ofĀ romance, thus sending extremely confusing and dangerous messages to children ā who then become the adults entering into relationships that go badly.
A kind of relationship vaccine
People are quick to blame women especially for not realising how bad a person a man was, or for not āmaking himā leave or change, when in reality itās incredibly tough. Especially when combined with emotional manipulation and other forms of control. I think part of the reason itās hard for us to identify is not having theĀ frameworksĀ in place to identify and describe these phenomena. But we can have them!
This is why womenās networking is vital, too, and why itās often derided asĀ gossipĀ andĀ bitchingĀ and other things that not only minimise its importance to men, but between women as well. The more women are discouraged from speaking to each other, the more abusers can get away with it, and with more people. Friendships are so valuable. And while ultimately our relationship decisions are down to us, a concerned friend who has experience and spots abusive tendencies can really save a life.
If we learn to spot and describe forms (or constellations) of problems in society, we can better understand and tackle them. Similarly, the more we share and discuss these aspects of behaviour and beliefs with people we know, the better equipped we all are to navigate our interpersonal relationships. Not just romantic ones; professional, platonic.
There areĀ loadsĀ more that could be made ā under the different axes of oppression; racism, anti-LGBTQ, ableism, classism ā if you make one, let me know!
Friendships and frameworks I recently discovered this podcast about linguisticsĀ called Lingthusism and we've really got into it, it's great for driving and hanging out at home!
