Leave my friends/boyfriend/mutuals alone
I know I said I’d avoid personal stuff as much as I could, but I’ve really come to a breaking point, some of you really made me run out of patience now. And I don’t think I can stand it anymore The other day I said in the nicest way I could to leave the people that are in my life (friends, boyfriend, mutuals, etc) alone and not to bring my name up to them. But of course, some of you do not listen. I’m tired of acting as if everything is cool and fine, I’m tired of pretending I don’t see things and stay silent in hope that it’ll eventually go away, and I’m getting tired of being nice about this, I love being nice about things but NO ONE FUCKING LISTENS TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE NICE ABOUT SOMETHING. THEY STEP ON YOU, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE BECAUSE WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? I’LL BE NICE ANYWAYS I’m tired This is not “drama” or “tea”. This is not made-up TV entertainment. MENTAL HEALTH AND SUICIDE ARE INVOLVED, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE. SUICIDE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PLAYED WITH
I’ve been taking the blame for so long, I’ve been trying to shove the guilt in myself because I thought it was me killing them. But it’s not me. It’s the “some of you” that are careless enough to fucking kill someone, the “some of you” that wouldn’t mind treating someone as an accessory, as a shadow. The “some of you” that disgust me to infinity LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE. DON’T BRING ME UP, DON’T MENTION ME, JUST CONSIDER THEIR EXISTENCE FOR WHO THEY ARE OR JUST GO DO SOMETHING ELSE ALTOGETHER
No one has died yet, but if this stuff keeps happening I know it’ll happen soon. If it happens I’m fucking leaving this place forever. Might kill myself as well, what’s the point in living if I’m living a life where I’m carrying on my shoulders the strong guilt of erasing someone I love out of existence? I will NEVER recover from that. I’ll never feel happiness again
Don’t you fucking dare licking my boots and putting up an angel face in front of me, don’t you fucking dare going all “sorry sorry sorry” to me, but then never proceed to apologize to the people that actually deserve an apology, and then continue acting as if those people only matter because they’re in my life when you think I can’t see you. I can see you. I see more than you think. I know you like to think I’m untouchable and don’t see things because of some numbers, but I do. People like you make my blood fucking boil
I just wanna share my art and my made up silly stories that I use to cope with the world, why does this have to come with so much suffering? I want to keep on enjoying this. But I know that if this keeps going I’ll struggle enjoying it. I’m even considering delaying Doll Eye really far (and it’s about a month from being done) or even leave the project unreleased despite having worked on it for nearly a year. This is not done out of pettiness, but because I’m not sure how comfortable I am now knowing that things might get worse for the people in my life by releasing a bigger project… I put so much love in it and I still enjoy working on it, but I’m really scared. And this is because of people like the “some of you” that cannot fucking respect people’s feelings and boundaries. I’m starting not to have fun anymore. This is becoming terrifying. Everyday I wake up afraid that someone might die because of me
From now on I’ll start being a little less nice to people like you and I’ll block whoever I want to block if someone is not willing to respect me and the people I love
To the “some of you”… Thanks for ruining everything
