Noriega

No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them.

[noriega-the-first]

Sometimes carrying a book is less about reading it and more about it keeping you company.

[noriega-the-first]

Them: As a man, you should...

Me: Actually, my only gender roles are insouciance, righteous fury, and taking credit for random coincidences as divine intervention.

[thetreesareancient]

I go feral for antiques. Who held you? Who loved you? How did you end up here, with me?

[noriega-the-first]

Still, there's something beautiful about the end mirroring itself after the beginning. Like being told you'll exist in the same calm before fury knew you intimately.

[noriega-the-first]

So far, adulthood has been this way; I collapse into something dense and heavy and then eventually unravel, unfold, open up again. I'm spending time recovering from subtle implosions, building back from condensed catastrophes in five, four, three....

[noriega-the-first]

-you only love me because I'm the only damned thing equal to the weight of your sins. I'm the only punishment big enough for your self-righteous act.

-and you? You only love me because I'm the only one damaged enough to accept you. Aren't we a thing of beauty?

[noriega-the-first]

what happened to horror content for kids? maybe i’m using the word “horror” a little liberally but when I was a kid there was SO much out there that existed solely for the purpose of scaring kids in a safe, fun, age-appropriate way. Goosebumps, scary stories to tell in the dark, tales from the crypt, Coraline, mirror mask, monster house, the grizzly tales, Billy& Mandy even Courage the cowardly dog; all these really fantastic books and shows and movies that let us explore being scared on our own terms as kids.

now there’s what? those new addams family movies? babyproofed! Monster family? Kidified! Hotel Transylvania? Ha!

Maybe the kidification of the horror isn't climate change or gender representation but idk, i feel bad that ~kids these days~ only get the next fnaf ripoff that just wants to sell them merch. being a kid and watching a well-made scary movie feels like you’re finally being taken seriously; you’re not being babied or coddled, you’re being trusted to face the skeksis and the other mother and the nebbercracker house and not back down. i wish people were still making media that respected kids that much.

[noriega-the-first]

Me: So I watched Loki this week...

Therapist: And?

Me: I like all the Variants. Sylvie betrays Loki though, despite their enemies to lovers arch...must be some metaphor for escaping the patriarchy?

Therapist: You're masking your narcissism with half-hearted feminism. Loki-Sylvie is the endgame of your romantic fantasies. Sylvie is a Variant which means Loki is in a heterosexual relationship with himself. You've always wanted the means to love yourself in both hedonistic and narcissistic fashion, minus the guilt.

Me:

[noriega-the-first]

The best thing about @nbchannibal is that the show is so layered. There’s so much to unpack which makes it the most rewatchable Tv I know. I literally just; watch hannibal, read a book, listen to a podcast, rewatch hannibal, eat a mango, watch an entirely different film, read hannibal scripts and then rewatch hannibal and then notice a deeper layer to the Will/Hannibal dynamic that helps me internalize whatever I read or saw outside of it. And it never ends!!

[noriega-the-first]

but- I am learning the language to cast it out

and the feet to dance it gone

[noriega-the-first]

I am having the best times with all the wrong people. 

No. Lets be honest. 

I am covering up my loneliness with all the wrong people. 

No -let's be honest. 

I am making myself lonelier with all the wrong people 

and all of us are wrong

and most of them are lonely 

and all of us are hiding.

[noriega-the-first]

When the plot is; two gay men try to fix their intimacy issues by adopting a child <3 <3 <3 <3

[noriega-the-first]

when RKS said “Is the devil so bad if he cries in his sleep while the earth turns? And his kids learn to say, "Fuck you," they don't love you Does the devil get scared if she cries in her dreams while the earth burns? She cries 'cause she's nothin' like you, is she like you?”

[noriega-the-first]

It's always "I love you" but never "I can give you death. This primitive country has picked you clean. It has shackled you in permanent exile. Every room you enter, every hat you are forced to wear...the stern landlord, the deferential businessman, the loyal son... all these roles you conform to and none of them your true nature. What rage you must feel as you choke on your sorrow. The first time I laid eyes on you, your beautiful face, I saw that sorrow. I did not know how it got there or why it was so voluminous. I can take away that sorrow, Louis. I can give you that death you begged your feeble, blind, degenerate, nonexistent god for. But I can do it... joyfully. I can swap this life of shame, swap it out for a dark gift and a power you can't begin to imagine. You just have to ask me for it.You just have to nod your beautiful head...and say yes. I love you, Louis. You are loved. I send my love to you, and you send it back round to me. And this circle, this home we barely had a glimpse of know it frightens me as much as it does you. Be my companion, Louis. Be all the beautiful things you are, and be them without apology. For all eternity."

[noriega-the-first]

...then sings my soul, my stranger gods than thee

[noriega-the-first]

at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good proxy

asking myself "why continue" & finding the answer is always, in some form, "i want to know what happens next", even if that want is tired or detached or outright morbid

[noriega-the-first]

Shut up! I CAN FIX HER