[noshecantcomplain]

Tried to slit my wrists for thanksgiving but my cheap big lots razors wouldn’t break apart. Can I sue?

[noshecantcomplain]

Hey tumblr. It’s been 8 years. My life still sucks. It was good for a bit, but now it’s back to shit.

[blushurs]

The Gold- Manchester Orchestra

[noshecantcomplain]

Anniversary weekend in Seattle.

[waluigf-deactivated20160812]

DANNY DEVITO HUGGED BERNIE SANDERS. AND IM CRYING…. NEED! ME! A! FREAK! LIKE! THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[waluigf-deactivated20160812]

look at how tight they r holding eachother………………………………. they really in love

[1717171717171717171717-deactiva]

[medusas-trophy-wife-deactivated]

cishet white guys will make fun of you for liking ke$ha then turn around and play the beatles

[medusas-trophy-wife-deactivated]

jim lemon wishes he had the range to sing praying

[domesticoctopi]

when you and your friend say the same witty comment in reply to someone else simultaniously 

[kermit-the-frogster-deactivated]

[dailymarvel]

[somecutething]

[otherpens]

le ancien razzle dazzle

[archae-heart-deactivated2021012]

little lush hideaway

[pissvortex]

please hurry up and overthrow capitalism so that i don’t have to fill out any more job applications where i have to retype the contents of my resume into an application form after i already attached my resume

[maralie-deactivated20211111]

business email glossary

[teenscoolest]

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press “send”

thanks for your interest: why’d you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i’ve done all i’m willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you’re too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn’t my problem

i’m copying in my colleague: this isn’t my problem and i am thrilled about it

i’ll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i’ll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i’m hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i’m not mad at you

thanks!!: please don’t be mad at me

thanks!!!: i’m crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i’m already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you’re an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don’t care what you think

[bakwaaas]

damn this tea scalded me

[toastbutteregg]

mind opening post that should be in everyone’s dashboard

[noshecantcomplain]

My dog is so fucking cute.

[ghoulgoon]

food spinoffs based on “we fucked up making the regular ones” masterpost

[impaled]