Natalie Osseili

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Self Reflection 9, “The Careless Language Of Sexual Violence”

What upsets me the most about these type of readings is that some individuals observe every little thing about the victim to turn it against her and justify their horrible actions. This eleven-year-old was gang-raped by 18 men in Cleveland, Texas. I’m sure we can already see how wrong this is. She’s eleven-years-old and the first thing that pops out to people’s head is why she was dressing like a 20-year-old? Where was her mother? Well, Why don’t we ask ourselves this, where was her father? Why do these ignorant men think it’s okay to rape a young child or anybody just because they’re dressed older and “stand out” or is it that they just have no self-control and act like pigs? They talk about how the whole town was affected and how these guys could have their life ruined because of this as if it’s not important enough. What about the VICTIM? Nobody seems to care that that victim could go through so much like unwanted pregnancies or catch any type of disease. That’s not even the worst part. This will forever be within them, their whole life will be affected. Some individuals even end up committing suicide because of how hard it is to deal with any type of rape case, especially when you’re gang-raped. It breaks my heart that we live in a society where individuals point at the victim and justify the rapist’s actions. So if I reveal skin, do I deserve to get raped? Was I asking for it? Was I asking for EIGHTEEN men to rape me as soon as I step out of the house? Am I supposed to always feel unsafe because I’m a WOMAN? When will people give us a break? That’s not even half of the questions I ask myself every day. Victim Shaming has been getting more serious day by day, because the victims who need the most support during these moments are attacked for being comfortable in their own body, dressing a certain way and revealing skin, putting makeup on, drinking alcohol, talking to lots of boys and so many other things that men try to use against you to make it seem like it’s your fault. Many men take advantage of these little things that women do like drinking alcohol and find an opportunity to “rape” a woman, then justify their actions saying they’re sorry, then they get out like nothing ever happened. From personal experience, my boss is Arab and slut-shames me without even realizing it or maybe he does. He would always say how I’m going out half naked and how it catches more attention as if that’s all I am. I am going out half naked so I can get cat-called, raped, harassed... I don’t get why they find it so important to slut-shame the way you dress and give you a reason to cover yourself all the time. I’m aware of the things that could happen to me but never will I ever, cover myself because I fear the world. I’ll admit though that there’s been many times where I’ve felt uncomfortable walking past a group of men wearing certain things, however, that’s because men treat us like some type of object as soon as we’re dressing “sexy” or looking attractive. They believe it gives them every reason to disrespect a woman. I’m ending this with a question for all of the men and society as a whole, how would you feel if this happened to your mother, sister, or even your beloved partner? Did they deserve this cruelty? Did any woman deserve this? 

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Reflection 8, “Bad Feminists Selection”

We live in a society today where we are blinded by our phones and media. Many individuals tend to also be ignorant towards some important issues and start victim-shaming. This is me speaking from experience because I believe that no matter what a famous person does, they will get away with it because they’re “talented” or “handsome.” However, they do not realize how similar situations that happened with Chris Brown beating up Rihanna could occur more often if we encourage this kind of behavior. Once you’re given that “famous” label, some individuals tend to be blinded by what really matters. All they care about is their music and how good looking they are, but they do not try to consider what kind of person they really are and what message they are sending to other guys. The fact that many famous men have committed crimes, but have gotten away with it shows that we live in an ignorant society that cares all about fame, money, and their own societal norms that’s been passed on. Another example of how some famous people get away with their abuse is Charlie Sheen who was allowed and encourages to star in movies even though as stated in the article, “hit television show that basically printed him money after he shot Kelly  Preston “accidentally,” and he allegedly hit a UCLA student in the head when she wouldn’t have sex with him...” (Roxane Gay) This shows how much our societal norms are so messed up and unjust due to the fact that these individuals have privilege that allows them to run away from consequences in life or being looked down at. When she calls herself a bad feminist, I’d assume she said that due to how many men view feminism nowadays. For example, she’s seen as a bad feminist due to the fact that she actually spoke up the truth about these men abusing their power and using domestic violence. We are looked down just because we don’t justify their horrifying actions. In today’s society, we should have singers who influence other men or individuals in general, but instead, singers like Chris Brown just encourage this kind of behavior even more. That’s what our society has come to. 

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Reflection 7, “The Gender Wage Gap By Occupation”

In all honesty, before I took this class I never really knew how bad and unjust it was for some individuals. I thought everyone was treated equally because I was so used to the norm and stereotypes given to me. However, after taking this class and seeing these charts of gender wage gaps depending on your race and gender, I realized this is reality. Men and women are always going to be treated different since men are more privileged and have more “power.” I was shocked when I learned that some women were not involved in some medicines even though they have cardiovascular disease most of the time. Women weren’t seen as significant enough which is why I feel like they were never taken seriously. Another thing that shocks me in this reading is that, male asians earn $952 while white men earn  $922 and this is surprising to me because I expected it to be the white male/female earning more due to their advantages and privileges but asian males earn the most in this case. It’s frustrating how women are paid less no matter what the job is because we could literally have the same job and not the same paycheck which makes no sense because we work just as hard as men do. Also, this happens in “non-traditional” jobs too where men aren’t dominating but women still get paid less... This leaves me speechless because there’s no real reason behind this gender wage gap besides these stereotypes given to each gender and race. 

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Reflection 6, “African-American women and Abortion.”

Abortions are not just issues that women faced back in the old days, it is an issue that is still going on till today due to the individuals who hold the power to call abortion a “genocide.” The history of African-Americans with abortion shocks me because I didn’t know slaves used to use adolescent girls to have children. It upsets me how slaves treated them like objects that provide babies from one slave master to another. African-Americans were desperate for abortion and birth control due to how they used to get pregnant because they were basically forced to make love with the slave master and have his children. In other words, it is rape where slaves had no choice but to follow their master’s demands of having children, which is why they used to use abortion and birth control as a way of resisting slavery. As stated in the reading, “They wanted to have all these kids and even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t understand the principles of birth control due to them not being bright enough and lacking behavioral skills.” This shows how many individuals back then did not give the women the chance to speak up for themselves because their voices didn’t “matter”, they’re not “intelligent” enough to know how to be safe. The thought of how people view abortion itself upsets me but what makes me more upset is that they try to blame the victims like they blamed the slaves back then for not being “educated.” The video played in class showed multiple white women’s experiences who were more privileged than African-Americans because almost 80% of deaths caused by illegal abortions in New York in the 1960’s involved black and Puerto Rican women. (Loretta J. Ross) It also worries me how abortion may be like before since we have a president who considers abortion a “murder” and a judge who has not been punished for sexual assault. We live in a society where we have nobody but each other to protect our rights as women. What people fail to understand is that having an abortion is our choice and our body. The article mentions how African-Americans support abortion because it gives them a chance to free themselves from unwanted pregnancies. Individuals are so quick to call a woman a “murderer” instead of asking why? How? When? These three questions matter a lot because it shows we even got the abortion from the first place. If rape victims were forced to have the baby, rape suicide would most likely go up due to the trauma women have to deal with whenever looking at their baby and getting flashbacks from their traumatizing incident. Having an abortion gives us a chance to have a happier family in the future when we actually want the baby and feel ready. Women are human beings too and we shouldn’t be forced or controlled to have an infant when we don’t feel ready. Instead of just thinking of abortion as a murder, why don’t we start considering the poor women who cannot afford raising a baby? Women who were raped or molested? Girls who are too young to raise kids and don’t feel ready? Women should be more considered in society and have their choices of their own body respected, than being the “bad” guy or the “murderer.”

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Reflection 5, “Men and Feminism.”

Masculine privilege has been around throughout generations to the point men normalize everything they do and they don’t realize the privilege they have. For example, men don’t have to hold on their car key so tight at night just in case somebody pops out on them and they gotta run, men don’t get called a “slut” or a “whore” based on how they appear and what they wear. Men have so much privilege. One of the problems in masculine privilege would be the rape or sexual assault that occurs. Although men get raped too, 90% of the time it is women and mostly 16 year olds. However, it’s saddening how in today’s society, individuals tend to focus more on what the woman was wearing than what the man was doing. They try to victimize men and that is one of their privileges as well. It also states, “More people falsely report their own death than file a false report alleging sexual assault.” The problem in sexual assault is that women are always seen as the “liars” or trying to hurt men but what about the men who actually raped them and who are out there still living their life while somebody’s in pain? Power and privilege play a big role in this. Not only that, sexism is one of the many problems in masculine privilege. For example, they used two different methods on how men treat women when they are around them and when they are around their boys which helps you observe their behavior and why they might do it. Men tend to say erotic things to women in order to attract them but when they are with their boys, “give a woman another drink to change her mind!” In this case, this shows how some men take advantage of women just to look “masculine” and because they can. I learned a lot in this reading but what surprised me a lot was how some men wanted to take their wife’s last name but they had to do all of these documents and ended up taking it to court. When they ended up taking their wife’s last name, they are called “sissy” because the norm only shows how women take their husband’s last time, therefore, it wouldn’t be “masculine” enough for a man to take his wife’s. Not all men are sexist or a rapist but the point is privilege plays a big role in masculinity and we just need to transform that power, to something that actually impacts people’s lives and hears out everybody instead of being greedy and taking advantage of every little thing that comes their way. 

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Reflection 4: “Constructing Masculinity”

Once society hears the word masculinity, the first thing that pops up into their head would be DOMINANCE. The real question we should ask ourselves is, is dominance something men want, or society wants men to want? As soon as we’re born into this world, we are taught to perform and behave a certain way. This reading mentions how masculinity comes in different forms depending on how an individual views it. For example, a stay home dad could love and take care of his children a lot even though that is expected to be the mom’s “role.” Nature and nurture play a big role with masculinity because even though men are biologically born the way they are, the environment and individuals they are surrounded by pressure them to be a “man” and pressure them to follow certain stereotypes. Hyper masculinity creates fear in men into expressing their emotions in which they pretend to be somebody they’re not. They are expected to be bigger, stronger, faster or they are seen less as a man. They would be considered “feminine.” They’re expected to be these emotionless, muscular, and bread making robots and we wonder why men are like this in today’s society. There are many things men do just to look “manly.” For example, the article stated how men catcalling is not because they expect the woman to look back and have sex with them, but they actually perform this kind of behavior in front of other men to look “cool” because it’s a “guy” thing. If a man doesn’t check out a good looking girl on the street and cat call her, they would most likely be called gay. Not only that, men use the word “gay” not to offend someone’s sexuality necessarily, but to remind themselves that they need to be a certain way in which being gay is the worst thing you could ever be called to them. This reading stated, “A woman is made, not born.” I also believe, “A man is made, not born.” Society made us and didn’t give us a choice to be who we want to be without threatening us that we’d be looked down on. In order for men to express their emotions and end the fear in them, society has to cooperate. If men aren’t what the stereotypes want them to be, they have to face sexual rejection, social ostracism, and job discrimination. In order for them to be the best, they even involve drugs into it which leads to many suicides. It’s saddening that we’re pressured to be somebody we’re not just to please others, when they’ll never be pleased. Women can be skinny, and they’re called “bones.” Women could be thick and they’re considered “too fat.” The same thing goes with men. No matter what we do, society will always expect more from us which is why for once, we should live for ourselves and be happy with who we are. Any sex, any gender, any race, any color, any status, should be able to be happy with themselves without being looked down. Stereotypes is only a part of our life if we’ve accepted it and “normalized” it to be a part of our lives and who we are. Masculinity and Femininity shouldn’t be a performance, it should be a choice. 

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Reflection 3: “We Should All Be Feminists”

It’s so easy for us to call ourselves feminists but the real question is, how do we feel about little sexist things men say? Chimamanda Adichie is one of the most inspiring feminists out there who helped me see feminism from her perspective. She allowed me to think deeper on how feminism works in our society and how they got treated in Nigeria by men, as if they were nothing and worthless. She mentioned many experiences she has faced or heard about in her life which got me a little frustrated. For example, she gave the man who parked her car a tip for his generosity and hard work but he looked at Luis and thanked him. That frustrated me because he completely ignored the woman who worked very hard for that money and even thought about giving it to him. We are taught to be a certain way while growing up just so everyone around us could be happier but everything just pressures us to be somebody we’re not. Women are taught shame and blamed for every situation they go through. For example, Chimamanda mentioned how some man stated, “Yes rape is wrong, but what is a girl doing in a room with 4 guys?” It’s not shocking a man said that because they don’t know what it feels like to be put in a situation where they’re in danger wherever they go. Instead of blaming the victim, why don’t we blame the men who put her in that situation? We don’t ask to get raped when we wear “revealing” clothes” or wear makeup, or hang out with some guys. It’s saddening how some men try to use excuses to make it seem as if rape should be justified. Men should work on accepting women instead of feeling threatened by them. Feminism isn’t about women having more power than men, it’s about having equal power and not seeing the opposite gender as a lesser version. If we were taught from a young age to do everything equally, men would probably have different attitudes now. Men are taught to be emotionless, the man in the house, the one who pays for everything, somebody who shouldn’t do housework or look fashionable. They are taught to be masculine, but in my opinion their definition of masculinity is not how a REAL man should be. A real man should do the housework and change his kid’s diaper without being told to, he should support his wife’s choices and respect her. my point is, gender or sex shouldn’t prevent you from being who you want to be and succeeding in your life. Both genders matter. Men need to open their eyes and stop supporting what’s wrong and try to understand what women have to go through in their daily lives. As Chimamanda stated in her speech, “As soon as we are born as a woman, we are born guilty.” We are seen as objects. We are looked down at. We are seen as small, overemotional, and powerless. Feminism is the only thing in this society that could keep an image of strong women being capable of succeeding and being as strong as men. 

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Reflection on “Transformation” Ch. 2

This article is starting off with defining the differences between sex and gender in which sex is what you biologically have, while gender is how you represent yourself to be depending on the traits you follow in society. For example, the color blue or pink represents a gender which is already a stereotype. What society wants gender to be is influencing and blinding us from the reality of what it really is. Individuals are so used to these kind of behaviors and thoughts that if we do otherwise, it is seen as unusual because the norm would be changing. The conflict that frustrated me the most in this article is that women began to see “injustice” as a norm due to our society looking down on us most of the time. The differences that our society created has been very unjust to women throughout generations in which the myths that women are represented to be as overemotional, helpless, or weak are all excuses for men to continue holding that power and dominance. I believe men tend to control us because they are afraid that we’ll go out to the real world and learn about gender equality. In fact, men have more advantages and opportunities than we do. For example, they were given the opportunity to get educated because a woman’s role according to our society is to clean the house, take care of the family, and deal with the sexism comments without saying a word. We are expected to respect men even when they look down on us. it’s unfortunate that we have to live in a  community where people with a higher status quo look down on us and remind us in every way possible that they are capable of doing whatever they please because they have the power. This makes it more difficult for women since they try very hard to meet people’s expectations especially when they are attending a job interview and the only way they could get hired is by appearing a certain way as a woman. We are looked down on when we try to act dominant and even when we don’t, we aren’t seen as good enough. Men claim that both genders go through similar experiences, however, that’s like saying a white person is treated the same way as a person with color and has the same advantages. They don’t realize that their words and actions tend to pressure women into despising themselves and blaming themselves when they are subjected to rape even though it isn’t their fault that our world is so cruel. This made them feel more anxious about everything they do because they’re afraid of the consequences of being a certain way and standing up to that norm. Women slowly began to transform their lives when they were involved in consciousness raising groups or gender studies classes where they tend to be open to the difficulties they have to face as women in their daily lives. This helped many  stand up for themselves and have a voice. It taught them to know their worth.

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Reflection on “Sex Reassignment and Allegories of Transsexuality”

What saddens me the most regarding this article is how individuals are stuck in that mindset where stereotypes play a big role when it comes to sex. The truth of gender to society is based on the toys you play with, the jobs you’ve had, the clothing  you wear, or the activities you are involved in. What individuals fail to understand is that your gender may be what organs you have, however, it is not what you represent yourself to be. David Reimer’s story allowed me to view Sex Reassignment and Allegories of Transsexuality in a whole different perspective where we should be focusing more on acceptance and our influences instead of how we need to change our appearance to please society. Why does gender have to have more meaning than it’s supposed to be? Why is looking normal more important than feeling normal? I cannot describe the horrifying experience David had to go through just because society believes it’s more common for him to be a female and act like one due to his surgery, the surgery he was persuaded to have as a child who was clueless about how he felt towards his gender and felt lost whenever he looked at himself in the mirror. Knowing that there’s kids out there like David, whether they’re intersex, or not feeling right in their own body, are always feeling embarrassed and anxious of how they appear because of how individuals make them feel. Our duty as a society should be them feeling accepted and normal instead of labeling them as the “freaky kid who had multiple surgeries.” The way David handled the realization of his gender was that he chose to be a man even though he knew others would see him differently. He was hoping that people see more in him than just his surgeries and his flaws. Although, David himself had stereotypes of how men would behave based on their sex, he was still capable of transforming that mindset into somebody who just views himself as a human. That inspires me because these norms play a significant role in our lives where it either blinds us into doing what pleases society, or it changes how we view and love ourselves.