Fight Club bathing/showering headcanons
Cw for gross stuff, and also kinda kinky (?) stuff but in a humorous way.
• Before Project Mayhem he used to shower once a day or, sometimes, once every two days. After it, he just showers... Um... When he can ❤️ (He smells.)
• He prefers showers because they're quick and he doesn't really see the point in wasting time in the bath if he's alone.
• If Narrator is there, though, he doesn't mind bathing and relaxing for a while.
• One time, he managed to find some rubber ducks and boat toys, so he started bringing them into the bath with him. When the water overflows a little, and one falls out, he chuckles and pretends it's dead, and he won't pick it up, because "no one is going to save it".
• He uses really dry/hard sponges because he thinks they scrub better, but Narrator tried to used them once and hasn't felt such pain since.
• When there's a liposuction fat shortage, he's a bit hesitant to use his own soap, but always ends up doing it anyway.
• Brushes his teeth while he's showering ???
• When bathing, he likes to go underwater and hold his breath to see how long he can last. When he isn't doing that, he likes to whistle.
• After showers, he just walks around butt naked.
• One time, after doing it with Marla, he gave her a new sample of soap that he was testing, and told her to go home and wash herself with it. She asked if she smelled or something, and he just laughed while shaking his head, so she began thinking that it was a kinky power play situation. After learning that he made it, some time later, she started thinking of it as a gift and a way to show affection... Tyler just really wanted an external review, because he knew that Narrator would praise it anyway.
• She showers once a day, unless she's feeling depressed and doesn't want to go out. In that case, she showers once a week at best.
• Prefers baths because she can lay there as long as she wants, and kind of hates the water pressure of showers. However, a lot of the time, she decides to take showers because she's afraid that the water bill will go up too much if she bathes too often.
• She likes to sit on the toilet and read magazines while she waits for the tub to fill up. She used to do it while bathing too, but one time she dropped one in the water and never tried again.
• She likes to sing and listen to music while she's bathing. She also likes to pretend that she's dead and lays there for hours, and she imagines the reaction of people finding her after days.
• While she's in the water, she shaves with a razor. She doesn't use shaving cream and doesn't even want it near her, because as a kid she heard horror stories about people confusing it with shampoo, and now has this irrational fear.
• Before and after bathing, she has fun by posing and making silly faces in the mirror. Then the random sadness hits her and she quits immediately.
• Likes to inspect her body in the mirror to find zits and pop them (which is rare, because her skin is really dry), or new bruises (which she randomly wakes up with).
• Loves to steal bath bombs and products that smell good and create bubbles. Most of the time she doesn't care enough to use them, but sometimes they're perfect to feel better at the end of a bad day.
• As a result of her shoplifting, all her products are super colorful and pretty.
• She wraps herself in a towel, paints her nails and toenails right after bathing.
• Before meeting Tyler, he used to shower 2 or 3 times a day (one in the morning, one after work/in the evening, one when he can't sleep at night). After meeting Tyler, he started skipping it a few times due to being too tired from Fight Club. When Tyler left him, he started taking baths that lasted hours, but only twice a week, and that's it.
• He prefers showering as a quick way to clean himself before or after work, but he hates everything about them, especially the fact that the water pressure and the water temperature are too hard to regulate. He will never admit, not even to himself, that baths may be better for him, because that's FOR GIRLS!!!
• After moving in with Tyler, despite hating the awful dirty water, he started taking baths more often, because it can't really be too feminine if Tyler's doing it.
• If it was for him, he'd spend hourssss in the bath/shower. When he had his condo, the bills weren't even a problem, but long showers make him faint. Long baths, instead, make his butt cheeks hurt. He also hates, sensory wise, sitting down on wet ceramic.
• In the bath, when he's sad, he sits with his knees up and his arms wrapped around them.
• He HAS to use extremely soft sponges, otherwise his skin gets irritated.
• After showers, he wears a bathrobe.
• One time, shampoo went in his eyes, and they started to burn. While trying to clean them, he slipped and fell, all while trying to save himself by holding onto... The stream of water? Also the curtain broke. The next day, he bought a rubber mat at IKEA, and baby shampoo (because that one doesn't burn). The cashier, all giddy, asked him if his wife was pregnant, and he responded with a dry "yes."
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