Jessica had never believed in karma, luck or any of that bullshit. If she did she would have never questioned the fact that it had never been in her favor. It all went back to her parents, really. They had started the whole mess when they decided to experiment on an unborn child and continue that post birth. It had all been some sort of sick joke from the beginning. Give her spider powers? Great idea. The stasis tank? Even better. The real kicker had been when they had abandoned her and left no trace of their whereabouts, officially setting their daughter up to be the most fucked woman in an existence.
Still, Jessica had never been one to let the shit of the past let her down. She had bounced from HYDRA upon realizing it was bad and made a place for herself at S.H.I.E.L.D. She had been an Avenger, for Christ’s sake, even if her apartment was falling apart now and she forgot to pay her water bill. It had always been about moving forward, getting better and improving. By focusing on what she could do instead of what had been done to her Jessica had found a way to make it through for years. It wasn’t until Gerry was gone and the Cleanse wiped everything out that Jess finally realized she was sick and tired of fighting and trying and putting so much effort in. She was tired and if she wanted to fail or mess up then she’d let herself.
Clint was probably a fail.
Sure, they had dated. It had been a steaming pile of wreckage that everyone had suspected it would be even if they wouldn’t admit it. He was getting over something else and she was new and green and willing. Jessica had cared about Clint, yes, but they hadn’t worked out. They were better as friends and that made it all the worst that they had slipped back into the same old destructive habits that Jessica liked to pretend she had left behind.
“Oh?” Her voice was muffled until she tugged the sweater down over a tangle of dark curls. “Is that the kind of people we are now? We linger, eat meals together?” Still, she paused. “But fine. I’m not staying here because your food is probably covered in mold. We’ll get something.”
“I eat coffee and Eggo’s with Barney and that doesn’t mean anything.” Clint said shuddering at any unintentional images that came to mind. “Yeah, but most of the mold hasn’t bloomed yet so it’d probably okay. Worst case scenario would be death, so really the stakes aren’t that high for us.” Clint joked wryly. They took that risk every time they put on the mask anyway, so what was the big deal?
He wasn’t really sure why he asked Jess to stay for breakfast for dinner. It wasn’t as if he had even been a marginally good host anytime she’d come over before. He cared for her but it wasn’t as if he had romantic feelings for her. He probably didn’t at least. If he was being honest with himself he’d realize it was because he was lonely, unfortunately by his own design. Despite how much he needed people in his life he took every conceivable action to drive them away. Maybe he just appreciated that Jess was back to being a constant in his life, even if it wasn’t the meaningful relationship he was looking for.
“So you had a problem with ‘lingering and eating meals together’ but your perfectly fine with going on a brinner date?” Clint teased lightly as he pulled up his jeans. “As long as they have waffles and caffeine I’m in.”
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