★ Matt is the whitest of the whites, he eats one hot chip and it’s game over.
★ He’s allergic to pickles
★ He got Katie into aliens and cryptids
★ Him and Shiro were friends, even before the Garrison.
★ He’s a little shit, the Garrison teachers expected him to be the perfect student since he was Sam and Colleen’s son.
They were wrong, he started a black market and wasn’t found out until it was too late. He made more than $500 bucks cash.
★ Whenever he was called into the office to talk about his future he just answered with “Kick ass, go to space, represent the human race.”
★ The cost of losing a bet with him was high
Once a kid had to go up to Iverson and ask if he was a furry and if his boyfriend was bigfoot.
They were required to help Iverson for the rest of the year during their free hour.
★ Anytime anyone asked if him and Shiro were dating, he did finger guns and awkwardly backed away.
★ Has been the cause of the science lab blowing up at least 5 times.
Shiro was apart of three of them.
★ Puns were his shit no one could escape
“Shiro does this make us…..Kerbros?”
“If it weren’t for the laws of this land, I would’ve slaughtered you, Matt.”
★ Would fight you if you said Pluto wasn’t a planet
★ Is the most oblivious of people, two kids had a crush on him at the same time and he never noticed
But he can somehow notice when people have crushes on each other??
★ He met Neil Degrasse Tyson once and cried
★ Katie and him show their love by roasting each other on the daily
★ “I know you love those peas, Dad.” was only the tip of the Yikesburg™ .
★ He dyed Shiro’s hair once
It went as well as expected
★ He smuggled Pidge into the Garrison once with the help of Shiro
Keith found them dragging her through the window
He just stared silently and walked away
★ He can do a perfect Yoda impression
Katie sadly found out when she on the verge of sleep at 3am
★ Subs always liked him for some reason, no one really knew how or why though.
★ He could name all 206 bones in the human body, and he taught Keith how to break every one of them
★ Katie popped out the lens in his back-up prescription glasses
★ He can quote back to the future word for word
★ “What are you gonna do punch me???”
★ He threatened to sell Katie to the Garrison for a pizza
A guy’s gotta do what they gotta do to get some decent food
★ “How’d you do in your flight test, Matt?” “Oh, I nearly killed Shiro. it’s chill though.”
★ He cries whenever he sees dogs since the Garrison is in the middle of nowhere
He once cried for more dog deaths in three school days than his entire life
★ “Hey Matt, high-five the stars for me okay?” “Of course, Katie.”
She hasn’t found out if he did or not.
★ It was his idea to name their dog Gunther
“What the fuck, Matt” “It haS CHARACTER KATIE”
★ Him and his mom are kickass together.
Everyone is low-key terrified of them
★ He crashed his bike into a tree once
“Lol you guys will never guess what happened”
“My bone is no longer in my leg”
★ “Do you think Iverson and—” “I’m gonna stop you right there.”
★ He hacked the speakers in the Garrison to play Bill Nye the Science Guy when someone said he wasn’t a real scientist
★ Believes in the multiverse theory and soulmates
Maybe in some other universe him and Shiro are happy
★ He’s pan and poly, fight me
Katie got him a shirt that read “Pans for Bigfoot”
★ He finished the office in a week and stares at a security camera whenever something stupid happens
★ Someone confessed to him once and he panicked and said “Thank you”
★ Matt is actually a super good crossdresser???
Shiro and Keith are surprised???
Katie had to get it from somewhere y’all
★ Lowkey likes to make fun of Keith for being Texan
“Y’all’d’ve done good if y’all had listened to me.”
“I hate living because of you, Matt.”
★ Bill Nye the Science Guy is his dad and you can’t tell him otherwise.
He’ll fight you if you say he isn’t a real Scientist
★ MATT REALLY LIKES AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, LIKE I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN IT BUT I KNOW HE DOES.
★ Him and Katie learned Latin for kicks
★ **Drops one piece of candy on his room floor** “,,,,,,,,” **Kneels down to look for it**
★ 10/10 doesn’t know how to handle any crushes he has
He realized he had a crush on Shiro with the “help” of Katie and Keith
He tried to eat an entire jar of pickles afterwards
★ “Matt, you have a crush on my brother, admit it” “New glasses, who dis?”
★ “Shiro, when I was your age,,,,,,” “One day, you’re just not going to wake up.”
★ He somehow convinced Shiro to dress up as Watson while he was Sherlock
★ Hamilton’s number 1 fan
★ He spits out facts at random
“Y’know Alexander Hamilton spelt Philadelphia wrong in our Constitution?”
Katie, who has been running on 3 hours of sleep: please shut tf up
★ “You’re a little shit Matt” “Atleast I don’t quote Fairy Tail any chance i get”
★ Matt: THIS BITCH EMPTY
★ Katie, grabbing his backpack full of assignments from the Garrison: Y E E T
★ He hates coffee but will drink 5 cans of soda in an hour
★ “YOOOOO I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY WANT” “SO TELL ME WANT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT” “I WANNA–”
Sam Holt voice: Please,,,,just go to sleep”
★ Someone bet him that he couldn’t eat 2 of the new Grand Macs
Everyone was impressed and low-key terrified
★ Shiro: bro take off your glasses
★ Matt: bro everything’s a blur
★ Shiro: that’s my life without you
★ Matt, tearfully: Bro…
★ Iverson: any questions?
★ Matt: Yeah, first of all, how dare you?
★ “Would you slap Katie for $2,000?” “I’d break both of Katie’s arms and my own leg for a small fry from McDonald's”
★ Shiro gave him one of his sweaters when it was cold out once
Shiro hasn’t seen it since
★ He had an emo phase that lasted 2 months before he got tired of the eyeliner
Katie likes to bring it up at the worst times
★ He’s covered in bandaids 90% of the time
Most times it’s because he and Katie were fucking around while building smth
★ “The amount of uses for a dead horse is infinite” “Matt, honestly, just go to church”
★ His mind is just a constant loop of that scene in VeggieTales where the realized they didn’t have hands and just sadly looked at each other
★ “KATIE POKEMON PIDGEOTTO HOLT”
★ Mashed potatoes can and should fuck him up
★ Learned to play the kazoo for meme opportunity
★ Once burnt off one of his eyebrows from boiling water
★ Him and Katie do the handshake thing from Zack and Cody
★ Whenever someone asks to see a picture of Katie, he just pulls out a picture of Pidgey from Pokémon
★ He beat every island in poptropica
★ He can make really nice flower crowns nobody has questioned it
★ He talks with his hands a lot
He’s hit Keith in the face more than once because of it
★ You know when it snowed in Egypt for the first time in years and that guy had that giant ass snowball and was gonna fucking dunk it on his friend?
★ He can dance?? Where did he learn it? Nobody knows
★ “Keith I came as soon as i heard! I can’t believe it I knew you two were close”
★“Wtf are you talking about?”
★“Punk is dead, Keith”
★ When the rumour that MCR was coming back you bet your ass Matt was ready to blast every song whenever he saw Keith
★ “I’m Matt, the radar technician”
★ He recreated BB-8 from Star Wars: The Force Awakens and cried
★ “Bitch, I am a gift of God, square up”
Get it? Because Matthew means gift of God??
★ He can solve a rubix cube behind his back in under 35 seconds
★ If he laughs hard enough he’ll start snorting
50% of the time he won’t notice because he’s too busy laughing
The other 50% he’ll stop and frown in disgust at his own snort
★ He found out Shiro poured his milk in before the cereal and kicked him out their dorm
★ Matt: Hey, Shiro, want to stay for dinner?
★ Colleen: Do you want to stay forever?
★ Iverson lowkey reminds him of Snape, so by default he just doesn’t like him
★ “Work, work!” “Matthew!”
“Work, work!” “Katherine!”
“,,,,,and Keith”
“The conspiracy theorists!”
★ Unlike his sister, he likes to garden and starts one in their backyard with their mom
★ Matt would totally force Shiro to cosplay Team Rocket for Halloween with Pidge being Meowth and Keith being an edgier version of Ash Ketchum
Shiro as Jessie and Matt as James of course
★ He owns every pokemon game in existence
Pokemon Snap was his shit when he was like 7
He 360 noscoped the Pokemon with apples
★ Has read all of the Harry Potter books three times
★ He tried to teach Shiro how to dance
They never finished though because neither of them could take the sexual tension
★ He was more into the galaxies and multiple universes part of space, while Katie was excited for the tech advances
They were both 100% ready for aliens though
★ Shiro told him he couldn’t create the Marauders Map, so he did out of spite
★ Talked in nothing but Shakespeare for a day to piss off Katie
Too bad he can’t see the reboot
★ Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses was his shit
★ When Katie was born, he brought a potato with him when he went to the hospital to compare the two
★ He always wore sweaters that didn’t quite fit him, so he could have Sweater Paws
★ There was a supposed ‘haunted’ house on his street, so him Katie and the Broganes all snuck out to investigate
A window broke while they were in there
Keith shapeshifted into Sonic and bolted, Katie started hysterically crying and laughing at the same time as she ran, and Matt jumped into Shiro’s arm and Shiro fuckin’ booked it
They all agreed not to talk about it
★ Once in gym, a ball was about to hit someone in the face but instead of yelling “duck!” he yelled “dICK”
To this day no one has let him live it down
★ Uses an absurd amount of emoticons when texting
★ Used the word “Yo” too many times to count
★ Tried to bury Katie underneath a bunch of snow when she was 10
★ He’s cried during nearly every Disney and Pixar movie
[Read Part Two// Post-Kerberos! Matt HC here!]
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