Notastheyappear

I'm sort of recovering from ed, but kinda in the throws of it and this is my journal.

[notastheyappear]

I wish I could stop subconsciously ruining good things for myself . A good sign is if I feel the urge to destroy something for no reason

[notastheyappear]

Anyone else know the song American Dream by Silverstein or an I the only phyco

[notastheyappear]

No we shouldn't self harm to feel something

[notastheyappear]

Lets not take our meds for two days and then listen to Miserable at best over and over in an attempt to feel something

[notastheyappear]

stuck between please don't leave me and I'm gonning to leave everyone run away to the woods and kill myself

[notastheyappear]

I hate that I can't purge no matter how hard I try I gag and gag and gag and get nothing but the pain in my body. I ate 2050 calories today and I'm going to cry.

[notastheyappear]

No one cares until you're dead.

[notastheyappear]

Talk about self harming and suicide everyone jumps on the bandwagon to help. Talk about your ed, ptsd, and severe depression that keeps you on the brink of suicide and nobody gives a shit. Unless of course you're skinny and pretty.

[floatingorion-deactivated202206]

[brainlets]

ill get there soon >~>

[accessssss]

whenever I tell my friends about my ed they’re like “oh have you tried keto or 1800 cals a day, that helped me!” like no bitch I have an eating disorder it doesn’t work like that lmao

[notastheyappear]

Fr "just don't do it"

[keeleycs]

me overeating on a binge day in front of my parents so they don’t think i’m starving myself

[notastheyappear]

Everything I eat I eat in front of people. Like,"no I'm good see I'm eating mmm."

[notastheyappear]

You know I've tried for years to get people to help me with my ed and no one ever did anything so I gave in it's what I truly want and if noone else gives a shit why should I.

[notastheyappear]

Day 1:

*309lbs (ik it's gross but I was 314 5 days ago)

*5'6

*21yo

*Muscular/Curvy Build and also fat rn

*Size 2x

[cinammontoast]

I made this smoothie bowl this morning and it filled me up till 5:00, AND it was only 180 calories. all you need is fruit of your choice, preferably frozen for a thicker consistency, I used strawberries, mango, and blueberries. blend it with a cup of ice and a cup of liquid, I used almond milk. the more frozen things you use the thicker and more filling it will be. cals depend on your choice of fruit obviously but I couldn’t even finish this bowl

definitely recommend!

[notastheyappear]

#thinspo

[divinexdaydream-deactivated2024]