Cast of Characters, Journal 2 (in which I write a half-hearted compliment to everyone and it comes off disingenuous)
NENA is small and dark. She shakes her head when she smiles and flounces everywhere, giving me the feeling that she’s faking it. I love Nena’s hair.
MEG is constantly changing her paper thin, doves feather hair, walking with toes pointed outward and head down, grooving as she walks. I love the way she folds into herself, afraid of something.
MIRIAM is quiet around strangers. We met in a linoleum room with a divider where everyone wore black and we didn’t want to play Red Rover. Nine years later, we go to separate schools and I’m afraid of losing her. I love Miriam for her entire self.
KLEE/KAYLA is petite and angry at the world with good reason. Her hair is cool-aid cherry until she decides it isn’t anymore, & divides herself into several pieces, all for different occasions. I love Kayla’s tiny fluttering laugh.
ILANA remains multi-colored, loud, quiet, pretty-on-the-inside & overexcited over tiny things. Jaded like she knows the world & knows that even though I can relate, I don’t and can’t completely understand her tear streaks or morbid scars on her legs. I love Ilana in vintage.
EMME is a rainbow colored film artiste who I promised can color my world. Insecure about the patch o skin between her t-shirts and her jeans, Emme is spelled with an A, self-pitying, eager to please, & accidentally goes unnoticed or glared at. I love Emme’s enthusiasm.
ALAHNA-NOT-ILANA is bright and laughs, dragging me along with her. She always looks good in my clothes, with a scarf, a bandana, a blue wig. Alahna is in love with someone I’ve never met... I love Alahna’s ability to laugh and smile.
REBECCA is not actually a big part of my life right now. Just an ex-best-friend still trying to buy her way unto the hearts of millions. But I still love her spontaneity.
NR is floating away lazily, even as he scrambles for leverage. He gives reluctant hugs, feels misunderstood even as he fails, again, to understand. We were briefly close, but I’m losing him again... I love him long blonde hair.
FRESHMAN NOAH is curly haired. It falls in his face and covers his eyes. Now he’s a freshman in high school who is in love with me, excusing my faults, listening, sleeping & dreaming of samurai. I love how Noah is positively Nice.
FRESHMAN ETHAN remains stupidly insightful, living next door to my father’s girlfriend. I actually, oddly, know know him well enough to say a goddamn word. I love Ethans |_337 skills.
FRESHMAN JAMES is quiet, thoughtful, Bitchy. No, I don’t know him either. I also don’t know Roee. I love James for coolness.
FRESHMAN ROEE has curly hair and a sharp attitude. Strong morals. values. other horrid things like that. & Roee hates anyone to hurt a friend. He loves someone who keeps teasing him. I don’t love too much about Roee.
SOL, I love everything about. Even though we haven’t seen each other since August and I’ve only spoken to him once since then. He won’t stop forcing his name from between my lips in a whisper, during school or right before I fall asleep.
THE HORRIBLE SHAWNA thinks she’s my friend although I try to make it clear that I hate her. “I gotta go potty’. She says it often.
ASIA has a beautiful name, a beautiful face. I hate her for being bigoted, using ‘uncorrect’ grammar, her homophobia. I flirt with her sometimes.
Q is a wonderful sevie who writes beautiful mismatched stories about musketeers in an Elephant. I don’t touch his afro, as it bothers him. I love the quaint careful way Q picks his way through words with that little smile.
JAMES laughs and smiles stupidly, shaking his hair out of his face & making dirty jokes, but I love to hug him.
NAOMI is my little sisters, in sixth grade. She’s lithe and thin, blossoming like a happy spider caught in someone else’s web, my sister no longer comes home crying. & she is no longer addicted to her TV screen.
SIMI is the youngest sister. I told Pie she was my clone, and t seems like she is... looks, interests. Simi is bad at math, just like me. But she vys for attention, smiling like bad sugar.
PIE/PIETER is m ex boyfriend. He’s tall and silent and wants to take over the world. Like a droid, he stands still, thinks a lot, blinking his eyes at the world. & he’s smart, sure, but he acts as though we’re all below him, like I’m not more mature. He woudn’t talk to me until a week ago, only to insult. Because I am a main obstacle to be obliterated. One day he’ll die. In a war. Oh. The Irony.
ELLIOT is someone I would like to get to know better, for someone clever to change the atmosphere a little from bad to slightly less brainwashed.
J-BOY is tall and loud and somehow deeper than that, which is what keeps me staring. He has an interesting girlfriend named CAROLINE who’s birthday was yesterday. Her eyes sparkly & her mouth smirks & you see her mouthing ‘I know a secret’. This couple is a subject of Sarah’s Fascination. She never wants too/hopes too speak to either of them.
MOM is the optimistic source of my existence. My parents are divorced.
DAD has given me his anger, his ADHD.
BUTCH DUSTBUNNY KILLA GANGSTA is my tiny black kitten. He’s dark, homicidal, & spastic. I love his tiny claws.
SARS/SARAH is a girl I know. Her hair is long ans beautiful. Sarah is a poet who is secretly cynical. She is fidgety, likes tiny pills, smiles involuntarily & is sullen when people don’t notice.