asshole

there’s like 20 other pages w me venting YIKES

[notengopilas]

I wonder how your doing sometimes

[notengopilas]

I’m doing better. I feel better. Wish we can talk things out. This time is hard and confusing. I’ve talked and sort of figured things I needed help with on my own. But still. I feel some void of caring and loving someone.

[notengopilas]

Sometimes I wanna text you, time.

[notengopilas]

I’m okay. I feel better. Sometimes a little sad. It’s slowly getting ok. I miss you a lot sometimes

[notengopilas]

I kindve just given up.

[notengopilas]

I had dream with you, you said you missed me. I wonder if you miss me or think about me too

[notengopilas]

At times I just wanna go back and say everything I needed to say, just say what bothered me, stop being such a child and grow up and use my words. Thinking back I was scared of saying the wrong thing, it was always that and instead I just made it worse at that was the problem. my fault

[notengopilas]

im sick to my stomach. i want these memories gone. everything’s been packed up in a box but what should I do with it, it’s not easy and that’s what’s terrible. It’s so easy for him and I’m miserable over something that can be forgotten but I can’t forget.

[notengopilas]

It’s amazing how much things can be the same a year and so later. This time I tried harder and differently. I tried to make everything go by smoothly without thinking about myself first. I made several mistakes. I thought too much ahead.

The thought of us was for us to be happy together. For us to laugh, talk, share our lives together. I know we’re still young, but having him make me feel complete was enough for me to think about us forever. I hated talking about future us though bc I didn’t want to scare him away so I avoided it although I tried throwing hints about wanting to talk about it.

I did things I shouldn’t have, I terribly regret it. I ended up pushing him away even more. I didn’t think, when all I do is think this time I couldn’t. My mind went to a blank. Embarassed and angry.

I look back and I miss it so much. I miss the intimacy. I miss our talks. I miss laughing. I miss everything. Feelings are hard to talk about. They can be interpreted differently.

All I could do was cry, crying felt like it was better than wanting to scream. I understand that things can get better. But they’re not as how I hoped they’d be. Working things out could’ve happened, but then my mistake came back and ruined everything. I had hope and I ruined it.

You could say I didn’t do it but I did. I was impulsive and angry and wanted my feelings to go away. That never happened and I just made everything worse for the future.

[notengopilas]

have a good game: stay safe and have fun

[notengopilas]

i just miss him so much i really need his hug, i really need him next to me and just say everything’s going to be okay.

it’s saturday. right now i would’ve been getting ready to see his game. i would’ve been with him for just a small while but being with him makes me feel so good. i was hoping that by going up to him he’d feel the same

i just really need his hug. i miss him so much it hurts

[notengopilas]

i should’ve waited a few more days

[notengopilas]

i keep dreaming with you. i hear your voice and i hear your laugh, listening to you breaks my heart becuase i miss you so much.

i really need your hug

[notengopilas]

i keep checking my phone and it hurts me so much because i know you’re not there anymore

everything reminds me of you

im driving and i look over and i see you. i see you coming out your home, i see you sitting beside me and holding onto the car because i’m driving, i see how happy you were when you got into school

when i’m laying down im reminded when we used to lay together. i think of you and just lay pretending like i’m still in your arms

i think back and remember your smile. i love your smile, my favorite smile. seeing you smile made me feel good. i was so happy thinking i made you happy but turns out i wasn’t

i look in the mirror and i see you standing beside me, i see you touching my face or “fixing” my hair

i stand in my kitchen and i’m reminded of when you came into my home

i lay in bed crying because i need your hug, i miss you so much. i lay down and pretend like i’m still in your arms and feel safe with you

i know it can’t be same and it hurts me so much. i wonder do you feel the same way or are you just fine now that it’s over

i know i have to leave you alone and all i want for you is to be happy. i’m so sorry i could never make you feel the same way i felt about you.

[adrenaline]

Unknow source

[avtavr]

[sailormoonreblogs]