notes by night writer

these are my thoughts

[notesbynightwriter-blog]

[notesbynightwriter-blog]

March 25, 2015, 4:15 AM

As human, are we only given once chance to love? One chance to love so much that even after the love is broken, we live vicariously through an excuse of a life we once dreamed of? Dreamed of for so long that even after being so broken that we believe in the actuality of eventually putting those pieces back together? Are we only meant to love once? To believe once? To feel once? So appreciated that the anxiety of being forever alone dissipates for once? For so long whether it's brief nor drawn out that we convince ourselves to believe in a word so catalyst as "forever?" What is forever with this person? Without this person? Can we actually accept the life we lived before and the one we will eventually have to live after this person? Whether in sickness or health? In truth or deceit? In beauty or disaster? In love or in lust? In envy or vanity? Sometimes it's easy to never forget the small things. The butterflies and smiles to the heartbreak and struggle of even moving a muscle to breathe to feel to pretend enough that you vaguely show you're teeth when you grin. What if one day it eventually all works out? You have both equally fucked up, chose different paths that eventually led to each other again? Can you finally share something? The one thing you have in common? That you had in common all along? How alone you both are in this world. Can you pretend again? Hurt again? Love and lust again? Make plans again? Feel again? Fuck again? Fake a grin again? Smile? Make an excuse, a final resort because you finally accept how alone you were all along, again? Life is about finding YOURSELF. Loving yourself, because in order to love someone else you must love yourself first. There is no rule. No rhythm. No rap. No loving yourself, no loving back. Just one adventure of questions trying to figure out where the hell you went wrong.

[wonderwhileyouwander-blog]

Phone Notes

Sometimes when I text someone something or think of something that I find quote worthy, I will copy and paste it or type it in my notes on my phone. Given I haven’t had time to think to do this lately, when I went to my notes to make a list for tomorrow I came across some of the things I had stashed away, so that I could come back and relive that moment of sadness or relief or delight that I had felt in that very moment that the note had become a lost archive in my collection of notes. Some of them made me remember reasons of leaving someone alone, but some made me remember reasons of why I loved that person. It’s a contradicting yet bounding broken story. Piece by piece I add a new part to my story. Crazy thing is, it’s all in the palm of my hand. On my phone. In my notes. My question to you? What kind of secrets do you hold in your phone, or maybe in a journal somewhere hidden. I have both. I’ll share if you do.

[notesbynightwriter-blog]

[notesbynightwriter-blog]

April 20, 2015 10:36 PM

We tend to fall in love with the right people at the wrong time, the wrong people at the right time... Insert ‘’right’’ and ‘’wrong’’ regardless you end up back at square one. Whatever is left of my heart was broken a long time ago. When you’re so broken that you can’t quite break anymore, nor mend the broken pieces scattered among-st those who walked away with them over the years, it’s nearly impossible to find yourself. A rock at the bottom of the ocean. A treasure buried deep in miles of untouched sand. I am lost.