Notes To My Broken Heart

I write to heal myself.

[notestoabrokenme]

Some days are just bad.

You can't do anything about it.

But then somedays you're truly happy.

Just facts idk.

#todaywasn'tsogreatbuttomorrowmightbesoiwilljusthangforalittlebit

[notestoabrokenme]

Every achievement makes me feel like it is not enough. So what is really enough?

[notestoabrokenme]

I say it'll all get better, but what is the better I long for?

[notestoabrokenme]

A neglected after effect of COVID is the constant reminder of how fragile human life is.

[notestoabrokenme]

Did you see her?

What is future? Is she a young maiden?

Arms of heaven or disobedience gone fatal?

We pray to her, we pray for her.

For we are the doomed minds, searching for redemption.

Men lost minds trying to understand her.

A puissant power, unaffected by praises or slurs.

She pays attention to none, she can't be chased.

No money, power, fame or knowledge has she been by fazed.

Present worries about her, past is her tutor,

We meet her every next second, anticipating, most times a confuter.

Is she even real? Can we predict a next time?

For she to me is just an illusion of a lost mind.

[notestoabrokenme]

One looses a hooker, Other looses a heart.

[notestoabrokenme]

B.

No I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. No I don't understand what it's meant to be. If all this is in my head or if it's actually real? I pull myself together, and then I fall in deep. Chased by the thoughts of what we could be. All of this is not the first time, the history repeats itself. But then how do I trace this path if escaping it doesn't help. How far am I gonna go when I am addicted to this little hope? Too delusional, too lonely to take another road. It doesn't feel right but it feels so real. Are you an illusion of my mind? Are you a love lesson? Do I chase you or do I leave you open? Are you a manifestation of my destiny? Are you my soul's calling? Tell me who we're supposed to be I'm too afraid to be falling. In this moment, I don't wanna say a goodbye You keep making a dead corner come alive. I've a habit of falling for things that couldn't be. But for once I wanna feel, this is all real. My mind is too rational and my heart such a fool Tell me what are we supposed to be? Tell me who are you?

[notestoabrokenme]

Just my head?

In my head it's a special connection Do you think about me too? Do I cross your mind? How do I let it go when I feel like this could be? When I feel like you feel me too When I see you look at me from far What's holding you back Am I faking? Random breaks from all the thoughts in my mind Where to go in the morning mind, I can't decide I need to stop or should I get going I just let it all pass But will it fill the void? I close my eyes to Jesus I pray for a word of wisdom Tell me who I'm supposed to be I'm all ears, I'm here to listen So tonight I'll fall asleep on the dying strength I've got in me I don't wanna lose faith again I don't wanna be confused about what I want to be I don't wanna be trapped in the illusions and delusions I don't wanna fight the same war where I keep on looking for reasons So tell me how will I get over Will I finally get an answer I understand it's a test of time I understand this might be for higher good But for how long will I sustain What's the cost of the faith that's there to lose.

[notestoabrokenme]

Short-lived romances

I hate when I couldn't stop thinking about you, I hate when I know it can't just be. Hoping that if I'll distant, My heart will follow me.

[notestoabrokenme]

Love, Safire

Sometimes it scares me. The movement and the stagnancy. I'm tired of time moving too fast and the misery staying too stagnant Now I've no time to catch a breath but much time to hold on. False hopes and delusions but do I have anything else that's more real?

[notestoabrokenme]

Mirage

Is there meaning to this life? 

Or is this life a meaning?

Is my purpose to leave an impact on the world?

Or is the world’s purpose to leave an impact on me?

Maybe I am here just to make the most of this life,

to have real experiences. 

Maybe I am just here to sail through life without a meaning.

Maybe life truly is the meaning itself to live today a little more. 

                                                   ------------------

I might would alter this poem or write a better one. This doesn’t hit as much as I wanted. I got interrupted by my cousin. Another occasion shall arise. 

[notestoabrokenme]

False God

My false god was better than this, 

I was blind but I had faith. 

My false god could tell me lies, 

moonlight to night bait. 

Stories of the miracle, strength in falling hope

Now I question everything, wounding salts to my broke.

[notestoabrokenme]

I hate myself too, like you. Its not new.

[notestoabrokenme]

failure to my tears

It's a surreal numbness, my repressing emotions my world is breaking down in pieces but I still serve your devotion. Tonight I'll fall asleep, thinking that I have my strength back. But tomorrow morning my thoughts will echo your name once again, and it'll all be gone. You have her, and maybe she got you Then why does the single moment of your eyes on me, takes my breath away? Why is it so hard to believe that you don't care? Why is it so hard to believe that you really didn't feel me at all? I must be schizophrenic to think you really cherished me, I can't let go of this stupid hope that says what if we could be? It scares me, it tears me that I fall for the same pieces that cut me. Where is God? Why doesn't he save me? Please save me from me before I lose it negatives.