Holy War

I'm Lindsey and I'm 21 years old

[oak23]

Gratitude - Tidying Up With Marie Kondo (2019)

[sandersstudies]

Your friendly local hick (me) was giving a work presentation to a class that had some audience participation.

A suburban white boy answering a question stumbled through a statement where he was clearly trying to find a polite replacement for “hick” or “redneck” and I s2g this kid said “yeehaw folk.”

I wrote that shit up on the board and said, “I am, in fact, a yeehaw folk,” as my coworker just lost his shit laughing.

[noneed4thistbh]

this is right up there with the person who couldn’t decide whether to use sir or ma'am to address to address someone and ended up saying captain

[theshitneyspears]

How I’m going through 2019:

[heathermason1983]

WHY IS SOMEONE SELLING METH IN THE NOTES??? HELLO???

[theluminousnight]

No tiddies but hard drugs are A-OK

[missednights]

Why is it less expensive to buy 2 orders of ½ pound instead of ordering a full pound?

[hoesaekyoongi]

That’s capitalism babey, maybe some people only need 0.5 but the lords of profit are like bUt iTS CheAPer tO BuY TwO WHat A BArGAin!

[flowerr--child]

Not even a good price ….

[theshitneyspears]

How…do you know

[whoredrigo]

this post got fucking worse since the last time i saw it

[mens-rights-activia]

Where else but tumblr do you get this sort of raw entertainment

[liberalsarecool]

Deregulation will get you killed. Republican policies make your life worse.

[hedhehog]

[nyctosaurid]

does anyone else’s lizard get OFFENDED when you turn on the lights at night

[nyctosaurid]

this exact look without fail

[tootickie]

did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually terrible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class

[tootickie]

this wasn’t little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit

[tootickie]

me as demeter

some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds):

athena: ‘im the goddess of wisdom but you don’t notice me telling everyone. i’m too smart for that’

-

aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again?

athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling

-

athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help

aphrodite: he’ll never agree, he’s such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry)

-

demeter: hades wont pick up. he’s too busy torturing the dead in tartarus

-

hades: i can’t undo the laws of death. just think of the paperwork.

-

aphrodite: the humidity is messing up my hair. it’s getting all frizzy

athena: is that all you care about?

aphrodite: no, it’s also messing up my dress

-

demeter: it’s so dark, and there aren’t any trees or flowers

hades: what do we need trees for, everybody’s dead

- 

paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn’t that right, achilles?

-

(hades enters)

paris: who are you? do we know you?

-

achilles: im mighty achilles

odysseus: im wily odysseus

paris: and im hungry paris

-

kronos: i really am awesome, aren’t i

-

aeton: one wrong move and you’re history

odysseus: fool! we already are history!

-

demeter: where are those mortals? i left them right there.

athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you’ve lost someone.

[why-try-whenyoucanhavecookies]

I suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college.

[hobbitsetal]

@teashoesandhair

[teashoesandhair]

These are funnier than literally any retelling I have ever done and I’m not even mad about it.

[cupcakelogic]

[babyanimalgifs]

Son I can see you

[kesus-deactivated20180911]

The only good thing reddit has ever produced https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/65788g/im_3_i_know_everything_ama/?st=1Z141Z3&sh=f48ba715

[algebratwo]

Is this nsfw material allowed under the new tumblr policy??

[algebratwo]

OH NO

[photo-of-your-mommy-with-a-mummy]

on the 16th let’s just have everyone posting and reblogging nsfw shit nonstop. Really make those last moments matter.

[sketchiedetails]

for our last act of defiance, we’ll all be horny on main

[noroithecurse2005-deactivated20]

[rincewitch]

well at least the algorithm caught this obvious filth

[weirdnessisgood]

[fullmemetalalchemist]

why are the pigeons so green

[eggcats]

chlorophyll

[best-of-memes]

[rairix]

I want this omg

[sarahtaylorgibson]

Productivity culture will deceive you (especially if you are particularly high-functioning or a former Gifted Kid) into thinking that any use of your time that can’t be monetized or leveraged for your personal advancement is worthless, and I’m here to tell you that’s the devil talking. Do shit because you like it.

[panaran]

are you kidding me LOL 

quality system at work here

[aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20]

[bridthemightywarrior-deactivate]

wow i sure am thirsty for some apple beverage oh boy