❝ my cheeks don't mantle. ❞

She had a stillness about her. Clowance Poldark of the Poldark Novels

[nothingmustbe]

“ it’s tender! ”

“ Well, I’m sorry! ”

She drew back with lifted hands, either palm upturning---letting out a short, exasperated breath.

Immediately, she regretted allowing herself to behave so crossly, but---in her frustration, the response had simply come out.

Indeed---it felt as though she had been holding it back for a while.

She took another breath---silently willing her temper to cool before speaking again. 

“ But that’s not my fault, is it? Perhaps you should have thought of that before---then we might have avoided this altogether. ”

Her lips were faintly pursed, and she swallowed---still in the process of softening back up, but---she felt that was she was making progress.

Enough to try again, anyway. 

“ Now---hold still, please. You’ve likely made it worse. ”

[nothingmustbe]

“ did i sin then? blood and bones, i can’t recall. ”

“ Well then, perhaps you may be absolved. ”

She spoke in a neat, unassuming manner---apparently feeling rather neutral on the given subject, and she took another sip of tea from her cup---keeping her eyes averted for the time being. 

“ If only on the account of ignorance. ”

There was a slight lift to her brow---a tiny, quietly amused sort of smile glimpsing her mouth, and she put her cup back down---pressing her lips together. 

“ I cannot say that I have ever had so much luck with forgetting my sins. Perhaps you could instruct me. ”

Finally, she looked at him---raising her eyebrows a little higher, though with no particular implication. 

She seemed to regard the whole matter with good humor and nothing more. 

[nothingmustbe]

“ what about me? you haven’t said ‘hello’ t’me. ” he’d said this a bit waspishly, obviously put out.

Presently, she turned to look at him---and for a moment, she appeared quite thrown---a flicker of confusion gradually overtaking the smile that had still lingered on her features. 

“ Oh---? I’m sorry. ” Her tone was perfectly genuine---if also rather questioning of him, and clearly in some puzzlement as to why she had been so addressed in the first place. 

She found his expression impossible to decipher. 

“ I did not realize we were all being so formal. But, I suppose it would be a little awkward to greet you now, wouldn’t it? So chastised as I have been. ”

Her smile---though lacking some of its previous ease, had now returned. 

She was not being very serious, but---she was not truly making fun, either. The latter did not strike her as terribly suitable. 

“ Perhaps we might skip that part. ”

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

“I wonder if I can feel again,”

— Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry featured in “A Writer’s Diary,”

[nothingmustbe]

“ well, what’s the matter with him? ” he hiccuped slightly, then carried on. “ your brother, i mean——the other one. ”

“ ---what do you mean, ‘the matter with him’---? ” She may have echoed his question, but her thoughts, for the time being, were clearly elsewhere. 

Her eyes had gone a little wide---changing rather quickly from unassuming confusion to moderate unease as he concluded his statement, and---temporarily distracted, she took a moment to glance about their immediate surroundings---as if to reassure herself that they had not been overheard. 

Then---satisfied enough, but lowering her voice anyway---she moved her attentions back to him, some of her previous confusion returning to her expression. 

“ He can be very prone to his different moods. Perhaps you simply caught him at an unlucky time. ” She offered a brief, apologetic smile---still looking a trifle distracted, but hiding it now. “ Did he say something impolite to you? ”

[stay-close]

You have sadness living in places sadness shouldn't live.

— Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

[nothingmustbe]

“ well, how should i know? i’m going to have t’ride over there and find out! ”

“ Oh. ”

Her gaze flickered---blinking steadily. 

She did not appear to have experienced any genuine offense, but the manner of his response had made an impression on her, and she did seem a little taken aback. 

Her hands came together, folding in her lap. 

“ Well, pray excuse me---I did not mean to seem rude in my asking. ”

Her tone was simple, open---but not at all impolite. 

She paused briefly----appeared to consider, and then began once more---speaking with a sort of mitigating care that did not sound as though it were altogether unfamiliar to her. 

“ And, perhaps it would be equally wrong of me to advise you, but---would it not be more suitable to first send her a note? If your relations are truly so unfriendly at present. ”

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

Red Doc> by Anne Carson

[nothingmustbe]

“ damn it, woman, i’m her brother, jeremy poldark, don’t you recognize me? now go, and wipe your snotty nose. ”

At first, the confusion on her face had been evident, and she’d stood up very quickly upon seeing him in the doorway, her lips coming apart to speak---quite nearly upsetting the fanciful tale he seemed in the midst of spinning, she expected. 

Fortunately---well, perhaps it was too soon to say whether or not it would prove fortunate, but---either way, she closed her mouth, allowing the moment to pass unchallenged---and presently they were alone. 

She lifted her eyebrows at him---choosing to hide what may have remained of her surprise, though she was not altogether certain why it struck her to do so. 

Somehow, it seemed a way of leveling the ground between them. 

“ ---well. ”

She stood still, watching him---her tone coolly frank. 

“ That was very inventive of you. ”

Her fingers came together before her waist, tangling over the loose materials of her frock, and---gingerly, she cleared her throat a little---continuing to regard him.

“ Perhaps, now that you need no longer impersonate Jeremy, you will instead do me the kindness of explaining yourself. ”

[stay-close]

I, too, remember that feeling. You are caught between all that was and all that must be. You feel lost.

— Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland And The End Of The World.

[nothingmustbe]

“ the stairs, m’dear. the stairs. ”

“ The stairs? ” 

She repeated this explanation back to him---not sounding as though she necessarily doubted his sincerity, but---possibly that she had yet to fully visualize his line of reasoning. 

Her gaze flickered away---shifting from the sofa he’d apparently deemed more fit to spend the night on, and still had not vacated---over to the base of the stairway, and its ascending steps. 

“ Oh---yes, I see. ”

His present state of being, she supposed, may have spoken for itself on that account. She had simply not expected to find him this way at the given hour---for it was getting rather late in the day. 

That man from the other evening---what had his name been? Dawson? Well, he must have not been about at present, or she expected that she may not have been shown in at all. 

He had not struck her as very friendly. 

“ Well, I’m sorry for calling at such an inconvenient time. I had no idea that I would be waking you. ” 

An apologetic, slightly embarrassed smile glimpsed her features. 

Her eyes wandered for another moment, lashes fluttering---a bit curiously. Taking in the untidiness of the house in the full light of day. 

Then she looked back at him, smiling a bit more openly---seeming prepared to make the best of things. 

“ I could try again later? ”

[starinadogfight]

|     Jeremy / Clowance / Isabella-Rose

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

Heart full of hope. Heart in my throat.

Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton (via decreation)

[nothingmustbe]

“ i’ll not have him sneaking around here soon as my back’s turned. d'ye hear me, clowance? i'll not have it. ”

“ Yes, Stephen, I hear you. You have said so more than once. ”

Although she still harbored many of her own strong feelings on the matter, and could have matched him very easily---she refused to be drawn this time, and did not rise to meet him. 

She felt that, unless he refused to be reasoned with at all---no good would come from another argument, especially so late in the day. 

“ But, I very much resent the implication that there could ever be any secrecy---any wickedness, about his coming here. He’s my cousin, and has every right to call if he so wishes. ”

Her choice of words may have been firm enough, but there remained a mollifying quality to her voice---placating, non-confrontational. 

She was sitting with her legs drawn up, and she hugged them a little closer to her chest now---watching him, tangling her fingers loosely about the tops of her knees. 

“ ---that being said, I understand that you do not get along, and I will do my best not to see him when you’re from home, if you feel so strongly, but---in return, you must promise me that you will not to treat him so heinously again. Today was horrible, and I am very unhappy about it. ”

[sunsetquotes]

People don’t always want to be with people. It gets tiring.

Emma Donoghue; Room (via sunsetquotes)

[nothingmustbe]

strangerfromthesea asked:

|     “ if ye come back around here, you’ll wish ye hadn’t! ”

bornunderablackmoon asked:

|     “ i’ve a right to see my own cousin, by god! ” there was a thud from the other room.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Without hesitating---almost without daring to think---she leapt to her feet and dashed across the room, feeling her mouth run dry---coming to a halt in the doorway. 

At the sight of them, her stomach plummeted. 

“ Stephen---! ”

She was upon them both in an instant, throwing herself between them. It was impossible not to be reminded of Ben---and everything that’d followed. 

“ Enough, please---leave him be---! ”

Her hair had come forward, getting in her eyes, and she attempted to pry Stephen away---to get a hold on him, somehow---halfway furious with him, halfway desperate---completely determined not to allow the situation to progress any further. 

The thought of that chilled her to the bone. 

“ He’s family, how dare you---!  And he’s leaving---I’m sure he was just leaving---! ”

[weltenwellen]

Anais Nin, Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1939-1947