Hi! I recently got into an argument about how come having no social skills and not being able to communicate normally is not bad. I didn't know how to explain. It's over now but does anyone have any scripts for this?
Sorry itâs taken us so long to get to this!Â
In the hypothetical argument we are having, our opposition has asserted that a lack of social skills and atypical communication is bad.Â
While our first reaction may be to try to argue that these things arenât bad, what we really need to do is examine the assumption that their argument makes and provide counter-arguments to this assumption. Â
Assumption: autistic people lack social skills.
This is a common misconception about autistic people. Many purport that we are lacking social skills or have diminished social skills. Those of us who are nonverbal are believed to not communicate.Â
Autistic people have social skills, our social skills are just different than neurotypical social skills. To look at this, we need to ask, what are social skills?Â
Social skills are the skills we use to communicate and interact with each other, both verbally and non-verbally, through gestures, body language and our personal appearance. (Source)
Ok. So thatâs a really big category. In essence, social skills are any skills used to communicate with and interact with others.Â
To say autistic people donât have social skills thus implies that autistic people do not communicate.Â
However, everyone communicates; some of us just communicate in different ways.Â
Most people recognize that dogs and cats communicate with us, yet, these same people think that autistic people donât communicate. (I think this really says a lot about how autistic people are viewed by the general public but thatâs not something I have the time to get into here).Â
If we can recognize that pets communicate with their humans, then how could we think that there are humans who donât communicate? Why is it recognized that there are different forms of communication when it comes to pets or babies, but when talking about autistic people, other forms of communication are ignored?
Verbal speech is one form of communication, but certainly not the only form.Â
Sign languages are communication.Â
A child screaming because they are in pain is communication.Â
Hand gestures (pointing, waving, etc.) are communication.Â
Echolalia can be communication.Â
Stimming is communication.Â
Behavior is communication.Â
Just because a form of communication is not understood does not negate the fact that it is communication.Â
Would you say that someone speaking Chinese is not communicating just because you donât understand it?
Of course not! We (generally) recognize that other languages are valid forms of communication even if we donât understand them.Â
The same applies to other forms of communication.Â
An autistic child hitting their head may not make sense to the people around them, but that child may be communicating that their head hurts. That is communication even if it is not understood.Â
All people communicate. All people have social skills. Different sets of skills are not bad but rather part of what makes the human race so beautiful. Diversity adds richness to the world, and this includes diversity of communication styles and social skills.Â
How do you explain that having no social skills and not being able to communicate normally is not bad? By explaining that this question is fundamentally wrong in its assumption that there are people who have no social skills.Â
Differences in thought are not wrong.Â
Differences in communication are not wrong.Â
Blaming others for your own lack of willingness to attempt to understand others? Now that is wrong.Â
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