I am so upset over the Gaud âdiscourseâ (bullying) I canât sleep, so here is me running through the ârecieptsâ because every time Gaud talks someone jumps on and attacks..
A little perspective, I had never heard of @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses until last month. So Iâm not an avid follower, I didnt participate in Gaudapocolpyse, or watch any of the livestreams- I just hate bullying and railroading. I am a female Autistic Jew who has survived childhood sexual abuse (and Iâm adding that because of some of the stuff people are accusing Gaud of).
I went through the ârecieptsâ you can find on biggest-gaudiest-callout the updated version as of January 27, 2019 and I made notes. So buckle up cause this is going to be a long post. Bear with me I am on a cell phone so there will probably be a plethora of grammar and spelling errors. Here goes:
-the callout starts by stating that Guad is 27 and has a mostly minor fanbase this statement is made on the assumption that tumblr is 13+ and Guad makes âteenage humorâ whatever that means, Iâm a legal adult and I like the jokes, and one anon stating that they and their friends are 13/14. So it is just flat out assuming and you know what they say about assuming.
-next it states that Gaudpocalypse was a protest for the NSFW ban, which isnât true. It actually started because a person commented about an actual holiday (I believe in Catholasism) that had to do with pink that fell on the day. It was in the works before tumblr announced the change, so this was flat out bad fact checking.
-Gaud also commented that the âsexyâ fan art they were expecting was Patrick Star in fishnets type stuff. They used NSFW, because as a fellow autistic they were taking it literally to mean Not Safe For Work, so not something youâd want to explain to a boss or co-worker- not porn.
-They have already addressed the Tuba fanfic, which is also not porn.
-Taking âage is just a number. a number estimating your proximity to death.â to be pedophile related are purposely ignoring Guadâs morbid death humor that they are known for.
-If we are vilifying people for reading yaoi, add me to the list. I went through a hard SasuNaru phase and not even 5% of it was G rated. (and you know what, I was a minor when I got into it and now that Iâve aged out of minorhood doesnt mean that I instantly stop liking what I liked).
-Shota: I went through a phase where I read rape, pedophilia, and even incest fanfics. And you know what, it was actually encouraged by my therapist. Sometimes people look at dark things because they are trying to work through their trauma. Now I donât know Guadâs past, I donât know if there was abuse or anything, but either way: reading a manga, a fanfic, or even watching anime does not make you an abuser or pedophile. Sometimes it is a person the pedophile left behind trying to take control or figure things out. (The comparison is like saying that people that read James Patterson are serial killers or that only perverts watch Law and Order SVU).
-P.S. stop calling manga child porn. It cheapens what child porn actually is and the victims of it.
-âRecommendingâ Big Mouth on Netflix, personally I havenât watched a single episode, but it seems about the same level as South Park. It isnt meant for kids. And it obviously got approved by Netflix, so take it up with them if you donât like it.
-Okay hot take, apparently saying you donât want MAPs interacting with you coupled with wanting to know if someone is over 18 before you find them attractive makes you a pedophile- makes sense /sarcasm
-As a Jew, the whole sumptuary laws post was witty word play not antisemitism that Gaud wasnt even the OP for. (although the laws themselves are hella antisemitic, or at least were used for that purpose.) ((still doesnt make the two equal)).
-Wearing a kimono is not racist- I think you need a dictionary and a lesson on racism.
-Autism and Asexuality; Guadâs post was about figuring yourself out and said âpeople on the autism spectrum are significantly more likely than general populace to identify as asexual or aromanticâ - this is statistically accurate, there is no ableist statement here. They did not say all Autistics are asexual or that Autistics canât have romantic or sexual relationships, Gaud simply stated a fact and it was said in a post about themselves ans trying to figure out what they are.
-Reblogging a 12 year olds address for furbies, yeah not a good or smart decision and Gaud deleted the post. Nothing else can be done about it now and this happened over a year ago and as far as Iâve seen Gaud learned for the mistake ans hasnât done anything like that again.
-The Discord Server. Gaud asked for the server to be taken down. People are blaming Guad because they created the server and when they left things went south. The users were breaking Discord ToS and doing horrible things. However l, blaming Guad because they created the server is like blaming Ford for drunk drivers because they made the car.
-Canabalism- this is laughable. 98% of the time Gaud is posting as an incorpreal eldritch beingâŠjust really look at the blog as a whole and ask yourself if youâre making smart conclusions.
-The âcrayon fiascoâ: Guad raised money to eat a crayon on livestream. People have taken issue with this for a variety of reasons. 1) âGaud said the money was for rent and bought champagneâ no, no they didnt, that was a joke. The money was indeed for rent, the cheap champagne was bought with a gift card. 2) âThe money could have gone to medical expenses or someone in need.â People are allowed to give and not give however they see fit. This arguement is about as strong as standing in front of a movie theater and shouting that the patrons should donate their money to food banks instead of watching a show and when they still go watch the movie calling the movie evil forexisting. 3) âGaud is manipulating minors into giving them moneyâ first of all most minors donât have that much money and I see it no more manipulative (actually I see it way less manipulative) than my sister asking my mom for money for Club Penguin. It is paying for entertainment which we do all the time and I still have yet to see the stats that it is âmostly minorsâ.
Iâm just over everyone railroading and bullying Gaud. When Guad does apologize for something people start screaming that the apology is manipulation. You have made a situation where there is no winning. Gaud ignores the callouts and you donât like. Gaud asks for information on some of the accusations and they get called names. Gaud apologizes ans gets accused of manipulating. What do you honestly want? You have built an argument on stunted facts, and just scream loud enough and long enough trying to get Guad to break. People have already started blocking Guad based on the telephone game of rumors and ârecieptsâ that I just went through. Enough is enough. If you donât want to follow Gaud or read their posts that is up to you, but just be quiet already. In the words of Frozen âLet It Goâ.
@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses if you want me to take this down I will, it is your business after all. I just couldnât stand idly by and watch what these people are doing.
First, since you seem unsure of what Child Pronography is, here is a link to United States Department of Justice: https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/child-pornography so that you can be informed.
Secondly, what I said was that under the direction and encouragement of my therapist I read fictitious scenarios of rape that included incest and pedophilia in what my therapist described as a healthy and safe way to see my traumatic past from an outside perspective and that I could use the fictitious survivors that went through a similar experience as me to start to identify what I was feeling. My therapist believed that it was a good starting point to work on my PTSD, because I was able to talk about what happened to a character in a story easier than I was able to talk about what happened to me.
My whole point and what I said to quote myself is "Sometimes people look at dark things because they are trying to work through their trauma".
So, I am so glad you purposely misread everything about that paragraph, but I hope this clears things up for you.
I am so upset over the Gaud "discourse" (bullying) I can't sleep, so here is me running through the "reciepts" because every time Gaud talks someone jumps on and attacks..
A little perspective, I had never heard of @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses until last month. So I'm not an avid follower, I didnt participate in Gaudapocolpyse, or watch any of the livestreams- I just hate bullying and railroading. I am a female Autistic Jew who has survived childhood sexual abuse (and I'm adding that because of some of the stuff people are accusing Gaud of).
I went through the "reciepts" you can find on biggest-gaudiest-callout the updated version as of January 27, 2019 and I made notes. So buckle up cause this is going to be a long post. Bear with me I am on a cell phone so there will probably be a plethora of grammar and spelling errors. Here goes:
-the callout starts by stating that Guad is 27 and has a mostly minor fanbase this statement is made on the assumption that tumblr is 13+ and Guad makes "teenage humor" whatever that means, I'm a legal adult and I like the jokes, and one anon stating that they and their friends are 13/14. So it is just flat out assuming and you know what they say about assuming.
-next it states that Gaudpocalypse was a protest for the NSFW ban, which isn't true. It actually started because a person commented about an actual holiday (I believe in Catholasism) that had to do with pink that fell on the day. It was in the works before tumblr announced the change, so this was flat out bad fact checking.
-Gaud also commented that the "sexy" fan art they were expecting was Patrick Star in fishnets type stuff. They used NSFW, because as a fellow autistic they were taking it literally to mean Not Safe For Work, so not something you'd want to explain to a boss or co-worker- not porn.
-They have already addressed the Tuba fanfic, which is also not porn.
-Taking "age is just a number. a number estimating your proximity to death." to be pedophile related are purposely ignoring Guad's morbid death humor that they are known for.
-If we are vilifying people for reading yaoi, add me to the list. I went through a hard SasuNaru phase and not even 5% of it was G rated. (and you know what, I was a minor when I got into it and now that I've aged out of minorhood doesnt mean that I instantly stop liking what I liked).
-Shota: I went through a phase where I read rape, pedophilia, and even incest fanfics. And you know what, it was actually encouraged by my therapist. Sometimes people look at dark things because they are trying to work through their trauma. Now I don't know Guad's past, I don't know if there was abuse or anything, but either way: reading a manga, a fanfic, or even watching anime does not make you an abuser or pedophile. Sometimes it is a person the pedophile left behind trying to take control or figure things out. (The comparison is like saying that people that read James Patterson are serial killers or that only perverts watch Law and Order SVU).
-P.S. stop calling manga child porn. It cheapens what child porn actually is and the victims of it.
-"Recommending" Big Mouth on Netflix, personally I haven't watched a single episode, but it seems about the same level as South Park. It isnt meant for kids. And it obviously got approved by Netflix, so take it up with them if you don't like it.
-Okay hot take, apparently saying you don't want MAPs interacting with you coupled with wanting to know if someone is over 18 before you find them attractive makes you a pedophile- makes sense /sarcasm
-As a Jew, the whole sumptuary laws post was witty word play not antisemitism that Gaud wasnt even the OP for. (although the laws themselves are hella antisemitic, or at least were used for that purpose.) ((still doesnt make the two equal)).
-Wearing a kimono is not racist- I think you need a dictionary and a lesson on racism.
-Autism and Asexuality; Guad's post was about figuring yourself out and said "people on the autism spectrum are significantly more likely than general populace to identify as asexual or aromantic" - this is statistically accurate, there is no ableist statement here. They did not say all Autistics are asexual or that Autistics can't have romantic or sexual relationships, Gaud simply stated a fact and it was said in a post about themselves ans trying to figure out what they are.
-Reblogging a 12 year olds address for furbies, yeah not a good or smart decision and Gaud deleted the post. Nothing else can be done about it now and this happened over a year ago and as far as I've seen Gaud learned for the mistake ans hasn't done anything like that again.
-The Discord Server. Gaud asked for the server to be taken down. People are blaming Guad because they created the server and when they left things went south. The users were breaking Discord ToS and doing horrible things. However l, blaming Guad because they created the server is like blaming Ford for drunk drivers because they made the car.
-Canabalism- this is laughable. 98% of the time Gaud is posting as an incorpreal eldritch being...just really look at the blog as a whole and ask yourself if you're making smart conclusions.
-The "crayon fiasco": Guad raised money to eat a crayon on livestream. People have taken issue with this for a variety of reasons. 1) "Gaud said the money was for rent and bought champagne" no, no they didnt, that was a joke. The money was indeed for rent, the cheap champagne was bought with a gift card. 2) "The money could have gone to medical expenses or someone in need." People are allowed to give and not give however they see fit. This arguement is about as strong as standing in front of a movie theater and shouting that the patrons should donate their money to food banks instead of watching a show and when they still go watch the movie calling the movie evil forexisting. 3) "Gaud is manipulating minors into giving them money" first of all most minors don't have that much money and I see it no more manipulative (actually I see it way less manipulative) than my sister asking my mom for money for Club Penguin. It is paying for entertainment which we do all the time and I still have yet to see the stats that it is "mostly minors".
I'm just over everyone railroading and bullying Gaud. When Guad does apologize for something people start screaming that the apology is manipulation. You have made a situation where there is no winning. Gaud ignores the callouts and you don't like. Gaud asks for information on some of the accusations and they get called names. Gaud apologizes ans gets accused of manipulating. What do you honestly want? You have built an argument on stunted facts, and just scream loud enough and long enough trying to get Guad to break. People have already started blocking Guad based on the telephone game of rumors and "reciepts" that I just went through. Enough is enough. If you don't want to follow Gaud or read their posts that is up to you, but just be quiet already. In the words of Frozen "Let It Go".
@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses if you want me to take this down I will, it is your business after all. I just couldn't stand idly by and watch what these people are doing.
It has been a really long week. Been staying with my aunt for my uncle's funeral. It is just such a bizarre experience. Nothing feels right, but I am also not feeling enough. I've been getting sensory headaches daily, but haven't cried once. I just feel like I'm floating, but it is definatly not peaceful.
working on the Gambler 8 challenge, been at it for six hours and thirty one minutes, I've succeeded twice. I got a 5 card 19 and was "yes! yes! finafuckingly!" and the dealer pulls a 5 card 21 put of his ass. I screamed. Paused the game and seethed. Then resumed, pulled out my pistol, and shot him until I ran out of bullets.
As a fellow autistic I support this statement. I tend to play chaotic neutral Gnomes whenever I play pathfinder and I can just be recklessly myself and everyone applauds my in character playing.
I can hear the cars driving outside. The bedding is all wrong. There is a weird smell. There is a sporadic flashing light. I honestly don't understand how people sleep in hotels.
Phoebe and Joey autistic and ADHD headcanons???? I am HERE for it. I would love for you to elaborate
Okay Anon here we go! (I donât feel super comfortable talking about Joey and ADHD, since I do not have ADHD, so I will focus on Phoebe and Autism)
So for everyone that this is going to be too long, I donât want to read: Phoebeâs special interest is her songwriting. Her most common stim is to pick at and twirl her fingers. Her normal face is very flat/blank and when she does show emotion it is overly animated like she is mirroring or trying to be sure that she is showing the right emotion. Her clothing tends to be very loose and flow-y with a very eclectic style. There are several instances where she takes sarcasm literal. As well as several situations where she misses social cues or rules. While her Wikipedia describes her as âkind-hearted, but ditzy and whimsicalâ, it is my belief that Phoebe Buffay is in fact an early representation of a female Autistic. Below I will go through the entire first season episode by episode citing moments that support my belief. In addition to what I mention below there are several more accounts of her being âwhimsicalâ that I couldnât quite connect to an Autism trait, so I didnât mention. Alright, enjoy! Â
Let us start with the very first episode! Season 1, Episode 1:
-The intro, when they are doing the close ups in the fountain she is spinning as her dance which is a very common stim.
-At the beginning of the episode Phoebe is seen repeatedly folding and then straightening a napkin while people are talking, which is a form of stimming.
-When Rachel is upset in her wedding dress breathing into the paper bag and Monica is trying to calm her down, Phoebe comes over and starts singing. Both Rachel and Monica give her a look (the kind where someone thinks you are being weird) and Rachel says âthanks, Iâm all better now!â (which due to the laugh track we know to be sarcasm) and Phoebe walks off, smiles and tells the boys âI helpedâ showing she did not catch that Rachel was being sarcastic.
-It doesnât show what she was doing, but somehow she âpulled out four eyelashesâ which could have been a stim.
-When Joey asks is she would like to help with furniture, she very bluntly says âOh I wish I could, but I donât want toâ instead of a more socially acceptable excuse.
-When Rachel is complaining about being on her own (the credit card cutting scene), Phoebe attempts to empathize by oversharing with a very personal and much worse story than what Rachel was going through to show that she knew how Rachel was feeling [the rest of the group reacts in a way that shows the story made them uncomfortable, but this was normal for Phoebe to do]
-At the very end of the episode Monica and Joey are talking and Phoebe is copying everything they are saying in a sing song tone and when she is asked to stop, she asks âoh was I doing it again?â which shows this is a common thing for her to do,
Season 1, Episode 2:
-When they are watching Threeâs Company and Chandler says âOh I think this is the episode where there is some kind of misunderstandingâ as a joke, Phoebe goes âThen Iâve already seen this oneâ and turns the TV off missing that it was a joke about the show.
-Then right after when she is talking to Monica because Monica is cleaning, she over explains while talking when saying that Monica is all chaotic and twirly âand not in a good wayâ. Which is very common for Autistics to add on clarifying statements that arenât always needed, because we are used to being misunderstood.
-Then Joey asks Rachel when she had her lost ring on last and Phoebe responds âDoh, probably right before she lost it.â Â Which is an example of not being able to apply a statement to its context, but instead taking it literally.
-Almost immediately after Ross comes all sad about finding out that his ex-wife is pregnant and she makes the comment âshe is so great, I miss herâ, which is something I do, where I canât quite read the room all the way and I make a comment that is completely inappropriate for that time and place.
Season 1, Episode 3:
-When Phoebe first walks into Central Per, she is muttering to herself and is doing a form of hand flapping/raptor hands because she is upset.
-So not sure if this is all Autistics, but definitely something I feel, when finds out that she accidentally has more money in her bank account she is upset about it and needs to make it right even when everyone else is telling her to keep it. She compares it to stealing if she kept the money. A very black white, right wrong mindset. (Again not saying this is an all Autistics thing, but something I feel).
-She grows even more upset when the bank gives her more money and the football phone.
-She is seen picking and twirling her fingers, a form of stimming.
-When the group is talking about each others biggest flaws, Joey says that Phoebeâs is chewing her hair. Which is a very common stim.
-The whole poptart scene. I donât know how to put that into words, but it reminded me of me and how I sometimes donât hear something, but kind of hear something, and then repeat what someone just said, because I didnât actually register that they said anything.
-She also twirls her hair a lot which can be a stim.
Season 1, Episode 4:
-When Rachel is excited about her first paycheck, Phoebe casually throws out âI remember my first paycheck, there was a cave in at one of the mines and 8 people were killedâ and Monica ask âYou worked in a mine?â and she responds, âNo, I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?â
-When the fancy girls come in that know Rachel and do that squeel thing, her eye get big and she pulls back from them in a small jerk, which is a common reaction to loud unexpected noises.
-When trying to make Rachel feel better, she compares her to Jack and the Bean Stalk. And then is only like âOh see Jack did love the cowâ. I feel like Iâm not putting this one into good words, but if you get it, you get it.
-The fact that in her mind âfloopyâ is a word, but âunfloopyâ is laughable.
-The iconic âI donât even have a âplaââ statement.
Season 1, Episode 5:
-When Rachel is upset, Phoebe asks âWhatâs a matter, why so scrunchy?â instead of âupsetâ or âangryâ her brain produced âscrunchyâ.
-She has a ton of rings that she is constantly twisting and playing with. Again, stim.
-She sees that Chandler is upset, and while she canât make him feel better, she breaks up with Janice for him to stop his hurting.
-When Rachel dyes all her clothes pink she responds, âWhat a neat idea, all your clothes match, Iâm going to do this.â Which if she suffers from choice paralysis at all makes perfect sense.
Season 1, Episode 6:
-Not sure if this is exclusively Autistic or not, but she says the title of Joeyâs play scares her, because it is not âFreudâ it is âFreud!â in her head the exclamation point is louder.
-When commenting on it being bad living with Monica, she says that Monica was âRee, ree, ree, reeâ while making knife motions. This is a common thing for me to use sound effects and movements rather than actual words to explain something. But it could also be that thing where you quote movies/tv shows during conversations because they are easy scripts. Either way, still Autism.
Season 1, Episode 7:
-This is the first episode that we get Phoebeâs guitar playing and all of her songs just touch my heart. But when the lights go out instead of getting upset she simply responds âOkay, thank you.â
-It was mentioned in an earlier episode, but it is mentioned again that she is still living with her grandmother who raised her after her mom committed suicide. Although this one might not be completely valid, because it is also mentioned that Phoebe ran away and lived on the street. So it is not clear if she depends on her grandmother for care or support.
-When they are playing the game for the weirdest place theyâd had sex, her answer is âMilwaukeeâ missing the point of the question/ taking the question literal in a different way.
-Again her songs. Just. Yes, her songs.
-Seen fiddling with her rings again.
-The whole, âDid you rent mopeds, cause Iâve heardâŠ.Oh, itâs not about that right now.â
-She starts to count down when the candle will burn out, and she gets stuck and is still counting to âminus 48â before Joey blows out the candle.
Season 1, Episode 8:
-Seen folding and unfolding napkins again. Stimming. It also appears to be done in the exact same way as before.
-It appears very briefly, but after handing back the pencil to Rachel she does this thing where she wipes her hand by brushing her thumb against her fingers. Which is a very common thing after touching something that textually isnât pleasant.
-She comes into the apartment and says âSorry Iâm late, I couldnât find my bearing.â Rachel laughs and says âYou mean your earringsâ and Phoebe responds âWhat did I say?â. It is super common to reach for one word and your mouth say something similar, but completely the wrong word.
-At the funeral Phoebe says âGod what a great dayâ and when everyone looks at her, she goes âWhat? Weather wise.â So another example of not getting the social rules of the setting/occasion.
Season 1, Episode 9:
-When Monica asks if Phoebe is celebrating Thanksgiving with her grandmother and Phoebe says yes but they are doing it in December and then Monica says âSo you are free Thursday then.â It takes her an additional minute to process and then she asks excitedly if she can come to their Thanksgiving.
-She sees it completely normal to ask Ross to put his head inside the turkey to prove that babies can hear inside the womb.
- It is seen in several episodes that she cant stand fighting. Which I know for a lot of us, we just canât handle yelling.
-Seen twisting her fingers again. Stimming.
-She wants Monica and Joey to make a wish when splitting their Thanksgiving grilled cheese because âtraditionâ aka ritual.
Season 1, Episode 10:
-Again her songs. âI have 12 new songs about my motherâs suicide and one about a snowman.â
-She stops her performance to call someone out for whispering, because it is too distracting.
-âDid you ever see âOfficer and a Gentlemanâ? Well he was kind of like the guy I went to go see that with.â <â Iâm not sure how to explain this, but that.
-Instead of trying to hint or imply, she bluntly asks âWere you planning on kissing me ever?â
-Seen fiddling and playing with her necklace. Stimming.
-When her boyfriend asks her what he should be about leaving. Rather than the âsocially acceptableâ âyou should go, it is your future, your dream.â She responds honestly that she wants him to stay.
-She not only scripts out an entire conversation/fight with her boyfriend, she actually does both sides of the argument.
Season 1, Episode 11:
-When the guy is in the coma her first response is the yell at him and then says âMaybe nobody has tried this.â Not getting socially acceptable behavior.
-Seen rubbing and twirling her fingers. Stimming.
-Seen rubbing, fiddling with fingers again. Stimming.
Season 1, Episode 12:
-When she has to break the news about Palo to Rachel. She says that she never lies (which I know is a bit of a stereotype that isnât always true, but still.).
-She says she doesnât make her oatmeal raisin cookies a lot, because she doesnât think it is fair for the other cookies. It is very common for us Autistics to have empathy for inanimate objects.
-She is also seen fiddling and twirling her fingers during this same conversation. Stimming.
-When Rachel asks âHow could I not see thisâ Phoebe shoots her hand in the air and goes âOh I know!â. I made a post about this earlier about raising my hand when I had something to say and several other people said they did the same thing. It is like trying to follow a social rule that doesnât actually apply for that context.
Season 1, Episode 13: (Phoebe had a small role in this episode)
-âNow go away so we can talk about you.â More being blunt and to the point rather than attempting to imply.
-Seen picking and twirling fingers. Stimming.
Season 1, Episode 14:
-Rachel and Monica talking about bad men and saying âHow do we end up with these jerks. We are good people.â âMaybe were like some kind of magnets.â Phoebe responds, âI know I am, thatâs why I canât wear a digital watch.â <â Taking something figurative as literal. Â
-âNow we need the semen of a righteous man.â No pause, no stutter, no second thought until Rachel makes a comment.
-It happens in earlier episodes too, but Phoebe licks her lips, which may or may not be a simple stim, since most people lick their lips, which is why i havenât mentioned it until now.
Season 1, Episode 15:
-Seen rubbing and twisting fingers. Stimming.
-The whole scene where she is offering the chef job to Chandler even though Monica keeps interrupting, because she actually is a chef. Then the pause and starting with âOh Monica guess what.â
-Monica to Phoebe: âThen you can ooo and aaa and make yummy noises.â Rachel to Monica: âWhat are you going to make?â Pheobe: âYummy noises.â <â Not understanding the context of a statement.
-âYou should make the thing with the stuff. You know that thing, with the stuffâŠ.Kay I donât know.â  <â Losing a word for something and trying, but just not able to find the word.
-Chandler is upset about his personality/job test results because it says he would be best at the job he just quit. And she responds âThatâs so great! Because you already know how to do that.â <â Not correctly reading the tone/mood.
-Seen fiddling twisting fingers. Stimming.
-When trying to make Monica feel better: âYou know all those yummy noises, I wasnât faking.â While Iâm not sure this relates, it is something I would say in the situation. Trying to think of what to say when someone is upset can be really difficult for me, so sometimes what comes is something not quite right, but just enough to make someone smile.
Season 1, Episode 16:
-Rubbing a napkin while talking, because not comfortable with what she was talking about. Comfort stimming.
-When Rachel asks what she wants for her birthday she responds âWhat I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.â <â Not understanding the question.
-When two people mistake her for her twin and say âHi, Itâs us.â she responds âRight, and itâs me.â Either missing what they were implying or possibly she is used to not recognizing faces and just thinks she is supposed to know who they are, but doesnât.
-The whole fight with Joey. I canât explain it, but if you rewatch that scene, youâll know what I mean.
-Seen picking at and twirling fingers. Stimming.
-She needs Monica to turn off the TV that is stuck playing in Spanish, because she just âcanâtâ while upset, which could be that she didnât have the spoons for the extra sensory input.
Season 1, Episode 17: (Another episode where Phoebe had very few scenes)
-Even though she was upset with Joey, she wants to make him feel better so she pretends to be her twin. But when he asks if it is her, she says yes. (Again I know that lying isnât an issue for all Autistics, but I still felt like mentioning it.)
Season 1, Episode 18:
-Gets stuck repeating the phrase âsome kind ofâ over and over while questioning the boys about playing poker without girls.
-While learning to play poker Ross states that Phoebe âthrew away two Jacks because they didnât look happy.â <â Empathy/assigning emotion to inanimate objects.
-Gets upset at Joey for lying, because bluffing is lying.
-âHello Kettle, this is Monica, youâre black.â Not sure if this applies, but it feels like a statement Iâd make.
-When the tension between Rachel and Ross gets bad during the poker game, Phoebe moves her chair away from the table. This goes back to not liking fighting.
Season 1, Episode 19:
-When animal control says that possession for an illegal exotic animal is punishable by up to two years in prison and Phoebe is appalled, because âthey would put that poor little creature in jail.â
-Right after that Monica to Phoebe: âRemember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself firstâ Showing they have been working with her on trying to see if her statements fit the situation. Bonus for the fact Phoebe responds âYes, but there isnât always time.â
-Her âdun dun dunâ which was not appropriate for the mood of the room/ socially acceptable.
Season 1, Episode 20:
-Seen rubbing and twirling fingers. Stimming.
-Ross is working on a crossword and looking for a word for heating device. Phoebe responds radiator and when Ross says no five letters, she goes âRDTORâ
Season 1, Episode 21:
-When trying to get Monica to not track down her identity theft, she straight up quotes/acts out a movie scene. Then proceeds to say âThank youâ and bounce around.
-When asked, what do you think, she responds âlots of thingsâ. <â literal thinking.
-Is seen playing a Gameboy, which isnât Autistic, but I think is awesome and felt like mentioning.
-When Joey asks her what a good stage name for him would be, she pauses before exclaiming âFlame-Boyâ even though they had been discussing Joey, Joe, and Joseph and different last names.
Season 1, Episode 22:
-Seen picking at fingers. Stimming.
-When Chandler doesnât want to hire her as his secretary, he says he doesnât think is would be her thing âBecause it involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of the day.â (Which is pretty mean and ableist) But Phoebe simply responds, âI could do that.â <â The whole scene shows that the rest really do see Phoebe as different to the extent of not being able to hold ânormalâ jobs and that she isnât just âquirkyâ.
-Plays with a staple remover. Click. Click. Click.
-Tells Chandler that his employees donât like him, not knowing that is a socially unacceptable thing to share.
-Has a head rush when she stands up, likes the sensation and is able to repeat it. Possibly a sensory thing.
Season 1, Episode 23:
-Another shout out to her songs.
-Seen uncomfortable with fighting again and doesnât want them fighting because that shouldnât be the first sound a baby hears. Also she comments while scolding âDonât make me do this again. I donât like my voice like this.â Not sure if it is like this for others, but I dislike yelling to the point I donât even like it when I yell.
-Inappropriate singing while trapped in a closet about them dying in there.
-âIâm Ben. Iâm hospital worker Ben. Itâs Ben to the rescue.â Cause wearing a uniform with âBenâ name tag.
-When asked what do you see. âWell, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fat a dark vent.â Possibly sarcasm and Iâm missing the sarcasm, but since she hasnât really used sarcasm up to this point, it is possible that she was answering the question literally.
Season 1, Episode 24:
-Joey gets Rachel a book for her birthday that is made clear she isnât happy about, but Phoebeâs eyes go big and she excitedly says âItâs Dr. Suess!â So again, caveat not all Autistics, but a lot of us get grief for liking things that are considered childish or made for children.
-Seen picking at and rubbing fingers. Stimming.
-Rachel saying âMaybe Iâll know when I see himâ and Phoebeâs response is to grab a picture of Ross and hold it up to her, honestly trying to help. <â literal thinking.
-Seen picking at and twisting fingers again. Stimming.
And that is the entire first season! If you would like me to go through the rest of the seasons I will, because these traits do continue throughout the rest of the series and in fact there are moments where it is more obvious, that will just take me more time.
Me: I don't have executive dysfunction. That is just an excuse for my bad behavior and being lazy.
Also me: *crying in bed because I've been trying to get up for the last two hours and have officially bled through my pants onto the comforter which is going to be a huge chore to clean, but for some reason I still can't get out of bed to change my pants*
Me: Yeah just an excuse, I can't believe how lazy I am.
I am rewatching Friends and 100% Pheobe is Autistic. I could write an in depth thesis paper on this citing episode by episode examples.
And I love it! She is seen as strong and is in charge of her sexuality and not infantized in any way. Instead there are moments where it is made very clear she isnt understanding a social rule or is taking something literal when it is figurative and her friends react, but don't make her feel bad about it.
I also think Joey has ADHD and that is why the two of them get a long so well and they have their moments of just getting each other when no one else in the group does.
If anyone wants specific examples I would gladly share, but I don't want to make a super long post out of the blue.
So my mom is constantly back and forth with accepting that I am autistic to saying I couldn't be because of (insert random thing that doesn't make sense).
Last night we were talking and my sister was making fun of me because I was looking at a picture and went "shes pretty, who is she" and it was Natalie Portman so she made a huge deal about me not recognizing her and proceeded to show me random pictures of people trying to get me to recognize them.
So I finally stop and just say that I've always had issues remembering faces.
My mom goes "You know why that is right?"
And in my head I think, well yeah my autism.
Then she continues, "it's because you don't really look at people's faces when you talk to them." So matter of factly, yet obviously not at all connected to the autism.
It is not your place or your right to tell someone else that their pain, discomfort, or stress is an overreaction. It is not your experience- you don't get a say in it.
Tomorrow the Beta for Fallout opens so if I don't post for awhile it means that it is really good and I may not come up for air for the next two weeks.
Also if it is a miserable experience I apologize in advance for my sobbing and bemoaning for the heartache I will share.
Here's to hoping I love it even more than New Vegas and Fallout 4 put together. And a plea for no glitches.
I want to go to sleep. I took my medicine to help me sleep. But my brain is all: working on this crochet project is the absolute most important thing to do. It took me two hours of screaming in my head to finally pause to get food. And against everything I am screaming inside my skull, my brain going "hm I'm starting to be tired, I know I'll drink a bleeping energy drink so I can keepworking."
I want to go to bed. I really really want to sleep. But hear I am sipping an energy drink and attempting to think through the screaming of "keep working!" to write this and attempt to get my thoughts to agree with each other.
So tumblr's being dumb and won't let me reply but re your post the other day with feeling like crying but not having a reason, if it's not a depression thing it could be tiredness? I just know that for me personally, tired often makes my brain feel like crying, so it makes me vaguely want to cry. It's hard to describe the feeling but that might be a thing?
That actually could be true. I have insomnia, so even with medication I struggle with sleep. It could have also been over stimulation. I just really struggle with crying if I can't identify a "sad" feeling. I normally end up watching something sad to let out the tears.
I know Iâve been abused and I know it affected me as person and how I act but when compared to other peopleâs stories of abuse it just seems like barely anything happened to me.
My parents occasionally hit me but the majority of the abuse was emotional and verbal. And I never thought of myself as abused growing up because I never knew emotional and verbal abuse existed until I was in 8th grade and we learned about it in class. Until then I just thought physical was the only type of abuse.
So now, towards my own experience not just in general, I feel like emotional and verbal arenât enough. I latch onto those few times I was hit as how I was abused, not the yelling and screaming and manipulation that happened way more frequently and affected me more, not the stuff that actually drove me to self harm.
I say Iâve been abused and that Iâm a victim but I donât feel it, my brain says Iâm not because what happened to me isnât as bad as what happened to someone else. When someone says their parents beat them within an inch of their life it makes me feel like my parents screaming insults at me isnât really abuse and that Iâm just faking it.
I know the things my parents do/did to me are abuse. I know that if someone else came to me with the same situation that I would see that as abuse and them as a victim of abuse. But even then I still canât convince myself that Iâm actually an abuse victim. Especially since I seen plenty of abuse victims say they hate their parents because of the abuse, but I donât hate mine. My parents have their good days where theyâre just like normal parents.
And it doesnât help that when I went to therapy and described my situation I said âI feel like itâs emotional abuseâ and my therapist responded âItâs not.â I mean, if a professional whoâs supposed to know about this kind of stuff says it isnât abuse then who am I to say it is?
I feel you on a deep level. My situation was horrible (and I am so sorry that your therapist invalidated your experience, I couldn't imagine having that happen) and my mother would send me to live with different friends to get me away from my step dad.
However, no matter how bad things were I had read the book "A Child Called It" and I'd tell myself that that was real abuse and what I was going through wasn't as bad as that so I had to be strong and not feel sorry for myself, because others had it so much worse. I was lucky my life wasn't as bad as the little boy's in the book.
I know it's not exactly the same, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in minimizing your experience, because others had what in your mind is a worse experience.
But what took a really long time for me to accept, and a lot of counseling, everyone's worse experience is their worse experience. No ones experience is less valid because of someone else's experience. Your sprained ankle doesn't hurt any less because someone else broke their leg in three places. And don't let anyone tell you that it should.
