trying on a metaphor
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
dirt enthusiast
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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No title available
#extradirty
Mike Driver
KIROKAZE
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
taylor price
DEAR READER
⁂
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Claire Keane
No title available
sheepfilms
Sweet Seals For You, Always
$LAYYYTER
d e v o n
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from T1
seen from Malaysia
@notlostintranslation
she misses ...
Khoa: [walks into kitchen to give mom a hello hug...it's been 3 months since last saw her]
Mom: what's going on? What's happening?
Khoa: nothing, I just wanted to say hello and give you a hug.
Mom: Khoa....you have to tell your sister to come home. I miss her SOOOOO MUCH. She's my only daughter.
Khoa: What about me?"
Mom: [waves him away] crazy kid, scaring me with random hugs
orbitz
Me: I got Orbitz to email you the itinerary to Ft. Lauderdale.
Mom: Good. Call them back and tell them to refund us the difference for the cheaper flight you found.
Me: eh? the cheaper flight I found is for a completely different time. Your actual flight is more expensive than when you booked it.
Mom: call them anyway and tell them we're old. They might refund to seniors who travel a lot.
red robin
Family in Red Robin.
Mom: Why are there so many fat white people in here? What is this place?
Me: It's an American burger place.
Mom: Americans. They eat too much. In-n-Out's burger is good size, nothing bigger.
Me: ok. Let's share the burgers then, so it'll be the same size as the In-n-out burger.
.....15 minutes later...mom has devoured her whole half of the Burning Love burger...and finishing my dad's half of his burger as well.
Dad: who's the burger devouring American now?
Mom: it's the fried onions.
just another voicemail from mom
VOICEMAIL FROM MOM:
Where are you?
I came over to the house and your car is here, but you are not.
..... Why is your car here?
Where are you?
Who's car are you in?
.... What are you doing riding in other peoples' cars?
Don't ride in other peoples' cars.
They don't know how to drive.
..... What if you all die in an accident.
How will we find you?
... I left food on the counter.
ME:
.... if i make it back alive, I will eat the food.
Me: we are like the tortoise and the hare.
Amine: what??
Me: the tortoise...he's slow and steady..and the hare bounds ahead. It's a childhood story.
Amine: oh. I don't know that story at all. But i do remember reading the story about the turtle and the rabbit.
Dad: [sees my spotless kitchen] Did we get a maid in here finally?
Me: [points to yours truly] If you think a maid did this, then I did an awesome job. I'm billing you for it.
Dad: Bill it to the office so I can write it off.
Me: this rice cracker is delicious, it’s like crack.
Mom: wait till you go to the bathroom later.
Mom had been making me smoothies ever since I can remember.
Mom: Why are you not using a placemat at my dinner table?!
Me: I never understood the reasoning for placemats. It's just another thing to clean after you eat.
Mom: are you stupid? what if you get fish sauce all over the table?
Me: ... 🙄😏
Me: my goal this Lent season is to learn to make bun bo hue and thit kho from you.
Mom: You must actually want to get married.
It’s going to be a big seafood night.
Incredible hit at Regan airport. I had three compliments on it from the metro into the city. #goodjobmom, #Imgoingtogetmugged (at Court House Metro Station)
My mommy gave me this suitcase for my “professional” trip to dc. I’m not sure if she thinks I’m ten years old…or a prostitute.
Bro: that is either the most expensive or the most ghetto thing I’ve ever seen, I can’t decide which. Mom: it’s not ghetto if it has four wheels.
Hopefully bringing positive changes to Vietnam.
Dad: The Year of the Snake is a good year to have a child. They are known to be very well-behaved [ngoan].
Mom: [snickering] if you can even find someone...
Me: DON'T say it.
Rest of family: 😂😂😂🤗🤗🤔🤔
Dad: can you plan a trip to Yellowstone for me and my friends?
You: Yellowstone National Park? and what activities would you like me to look up?
Dad: white water rafting.
Me: You're going to die.
Dad: I won't...but some of the other old guys might.
Me: 😅😅😅😂😂🤔😒
Mom:...I want to go too.
ME: You want to go camping?
Mom: If I want to sleep on the ground, I go to Japan. Find out where the rich people stay.
Asian garden mall. Sunday February 10, 2013.