notoneofyouhere

life & nostalgia // i love heavy music and the 2010s // i love haymitch abernathy

[6swagprincess6]

5sos tumblr era

[iluvzaynmalik]

blue hour 2014 aesthetic

[backto2010s]

I wish that

[justcallme1anangel]

tumble out of bed dizzy in the head

[thel1lliesbloomed]

I miss this

[notoneofuhere]

good day, sorry to anyone who witnessed my mental breakdowns last night. doing better today :)

[notoneofuhere]

i feel invisible. my fiancé got to climb the ladder. he’s a supervisor now and could get to be manager of his department. from just doing his best.

i’ve done my best every day, went through shit, so many mental breakdowns, biting my tongue, drowning my pride with shitty customers. and all my attempts to grow within the company and cross train and try to get extra hours. my store director just ignores it. holds a carrot in front of my face and pushes me away and gives me another write up. i’ve never worked for a worse person. he is the devil. i’d love to k1ll him but i can’t do that. that wouldn’t solve anything. i just want to be seen and feel seen and feel valued and appreciated and grow and be someone. that’s seriously all. why him and not me? i’m sure as fuck by now that there is something wrong about me where no one wants me

[notoneofuhere]

like i feel fucking useless and worthless. i can only go so long without moving forward or growing. my job keeps me pinned down. my boss doesn’t want me to climb the ladder. i feel worthless and every job i’ve been at has felt like they were pushing me away and trying to get me out. even now i still don’t belong. i don’t want to work here forever. my coworkers are cool but i really help my life blossoms outside of this. i want to feel valued and worth it. that’s all i’ve wanted my entire life. there’s only one person in my life who makes me feel wanted and that’s my fiancé. i love him for that, but im lacking in so many more areas. i just want to feel loved and appreciated and worth something career or hobby wise. i feel like a nobody. i feel like im always on the bottom. i feel disrespected. i’m sick of it but i can’t do confrontation. i have so much more growing to do…

[notoneofuhere]

i’m scared i won’t be able to unfuck my life. i was a stubborn ass teenager and was so convinced music was gonna work out for me and didn’t do college. now at 23 i see how impossible the music industry is and now i wish i went to college but now i don’t have the money and i don’t want to work minimum wage jobs forever. i’m already convinced my dream of music isn’t gonna work out and now at least the only thing i can strive for is a good job but i live in the worst place ever. it’s a resort old folks town and has nothing in terms of job opportunities or even a good scene for anything. young people get pushed to the side and i want to move out of this town and state so bad BUT IT COSTS MONEY TO MOVE OUT OF STATE AND I DONT HAVE MONEY AND I WANT TO DIE HOLY FUCK IM GONNA HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN PLEASE GOD HOLY FUCK TELL ME I CAN UNFUCK MY LIFE.

[notoneofuhere]

wanna d!3 so bad rn. get me out of this life. i’m so fucked

[xxangelicdani118xx]

@xxangelicdani118xx

[xxangelicdani118xx]

< @xxangelicdani118xx >

[theambitiouswoman]

You think toxicity is love, but it’s actually the absence of it. It feels like love because your nervous system mistakes unpredictability for connection. The emotional highs feel intoxicating, and the lows make the highs seem even more meaningful. But love isn’t supposed to keep you in survival mode. Toxic behaviors like mixed signals, hot & cold behavior, jealousy, manipulation, silent treatment, emotional unavailability, disrespect, and making you constantly earn someone’s affection create intensity not intimacy

Love feels calmer than people expect. It’s consistent, emotionally safe, respectful, and reliable. It doesn’t leave you constantly wondering where you stand. It lets you rest instead of making you fight to be chosen

Wanting to be chosen by others often points to a place where you’re not fully choosing yourself. The reason their toxic behavior feels so familiar, or even compelling, is because it’s mirroring the way you’re already treating yourself

If you abandon your own needs, ignore your intuition, tolerate disrespect, or constantly seek your worth through someone else’s approval etc it will feel familiar. And what feels familiar is often mistaken for love

The moment you start choosing yourself consistently, what once felt exciting starts to feel exhausting and what once felt “boring” starts to feel like peace

[notoneofuhere]

reposting because this is so important. i didn’t understand this until i met my man. all my other relationships and situationships were feeding off the uncertainty and the chaos

i’ll never forget you L, K, C and K. and L2 as well. thanks for the chaos and the times i still run myself into the ground for when i get drunk enough lol

[notoneofuhere]

im speed running dementia at this point

[thjbbrwcky]

you can tell i’m sufficiently inebriated when i start posting nothing but music

[crmsnmth]

A Bottle with a Voice

It didn't start with a celebration just a quiet crack in the day a moment too heavy to carry with empty hands

I told myself it was just a sip just a softening of edges just a way to turn the volume down on a mind that won't stop screaming

But I know this voice It sounds like comfort and ends in wreckage

The first burn felt familiar like shaking hands with a ghost that still knows your name And for a second everything went still

That's the lie I remember most the stillness the false peace that never stays long enough to matter

Because the second always follows And the third And the quiet unraveling that pretends to be control until you wake up somewhere you swore you'd never return to

I see it then not just the bottle but the distance it built between who I am trying to be and who I almost became again

And it hurts not like failure but like recognition

Like realizing the door was never locked just waiting for a moment when I forgot why I closed it

But here's the part I'm holding onto

I am still here

Still breathing still aware enough to hate what this feels like which means I haven't disappeared completely

Relapse isn't the end of the story It's a bruise a reminder a line I crossed that I can still walk back from

So I put the bottle down maybe not forever yet maybe just for tonight but tonight counts

Because every night I choose to stop again is a small act of defiance against a past that keeps calling me home

And I don't have to answer

[wsummerr]

I found peace in your violence

Can't show me, there's no point in trying.