[notsohesitantly-blog]

I miss you

I love you

I could write you a letter every single day saying this and it’ll never become less true, even long after we part and fall in love with other people. I will always miss you, and love you, and miss you, and love you

Wish you were here

Can’t wait to see you

Wish it were sooner

[freshmoviequotes]

Someone Great (2019)

[notsohesitantly-blog]

The lack of privacy in my house makes me want to kill myself like actually no joke triggers my suicidal tendencies. I wake up in the morning and EVERY SINGLE LIGHT IS ON, every single window is shut & locked closed, the front door is double locked. There is literally no oxygen in the house at all. But every door room is open, everyone uses the bathroom with the door open too. It’s like we’re blocked off completely from the rest of the world but we’re not allowed to have any space to ourselves while inside. My aunt and mom openly walk in and out of the bathroom WHILE I’M SHOWERING. WHILE I’M TAKING A SHIT. They’ll stand there and talk to me like it’s no big deal. I open my window every morning and return from work to it locked closed. My aunt goes through my trash and secretly takes things back, sometimes 2-3 times. She reuses paper towels. They’ll dry my laundry twice because they feel like it’s “not dry enough” and mess up my expensive clothes. They inspect everything I buy like it’s TSA and report it to my aunties — “Quyen bought a green shirt today, Quyen ordered these cookies today, Quyen got another package but she hasn’t opened it yet, I’ll tell you what it is later.” I’m tired from typing this. I’m tired of living here. If I have to live here for any longer I will literally kill myself.

[sotick]

“I love you.”

— Please call and say you miss me. (via coral)

[coolhandofagirl]

stop me if you’ve heard this one but men will search for women who are full of joy and confidence so they can leech off of it and then after they’ve left her empty and burned out and drained of all the life that once existed behind her eyes they’ll say she isn’t the woman they fell in love with

[draculesbi-deactivated20181016]

women are most attractive when they’re not even thinking abt it. and i don’t mean that in a “girls look better without makeup” way so much as a “i love seeing girls be their natural selves where they forget the pressure of perfection placed on women” way.

i love the goofing off double chins and the too-loud near-obnoxious laughter, the gruff and scratchy voice in the morning when they’re too tired to bother with sounding soft, and the not brushing their hair bc they can’t be bothered to deal with and what are you going to do about it anyway?

i love the boldness of women who forget that they have been told to be delicate.

[neckkiss]

[yassmines]

i say this to every girl i love: abandon shame

[notsohesitantly-blog]

I miss alex so much!!!! I wish I’d realized this before he moved but living right next to your best friend/significant other is the freaking best :( ugh honestly I love our relationship but the fact that I really do think of him as my best friend makes it so hard to be so far away from him now :( I miss being cuddly and holding hands and all the dumb things we did together

[labias]

From “Addiction to Love” by Susan Peabody

[notsohesitantly-blog]

I rly should send this to my ex lmao I hate him

[notsohesitantly-blog]

Mornings are hard

I used to wake up to you every day

I miss you

I wake up a zillion times in the night and every time I’d just roll over and kiss your face

And sometimes you’d cuddle up to me or hold my hand or wiggle closer and it was enough

I miss waking up to you scrolling through your stock market losses, and the morning sex, and the rare days we’d sleep in together.

Yes, mornings are the hardest

[notsohesitantly-blog]

I was so sad, inconsolably so and uncertain whether or not I’d ever leave that feeling of loneliness and hurt and I just cried REALLY cried and bawled all of my heart out and I feel better. Still empty. Still missing him. But better and clearer headed. The first 3 days are the hardest and it’s already nighttime. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. Even if he leaves me forever I’ll be okay.

[notsohesitantly-blog]

Alex moved away today. It’s a weird mix of fine and not. But it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.

I’m not sad because of the change; I’m just sad because it’s the end of a certain part of our relationship, a part that I loved and wish we had more time with. I never thought I could truly love seeing someone literally every day the way we did. That dude is really my best friend now because of it.

But this kind of change would’ve had to come eventually, even if it’s hard (for me, at least) to admit. Even though we’ve only been dating for a short amount of time, I’ve spent the last two years being in a relationship, and I’ve become very codependent. My pride is hella bruised admitting that but it’s true: my entire post-grad life has been as a girlfriend, and while my previously relationship shouldn’t have even happened, it affected the adult I am becoming. I’m unmotivated, unambitious, uncomfortable being alone, lazy, and even fat? Which is wild. I jumped from my previous shitty relationship into this one so quickly and lost a lot of the independence and drive that makes me who I am along the way. It’s a noticeable absence in my life, easily hidden by my BF and all the fun things we do, but something I definitely need to work on. I don’t want to get lazy with myself and only focus on my relationship because it’s the most emotionally satisfying. No more neglecting my non-romantic needs. I need to refocus on my career and my friends and my health and my hobbies, all of which have sorely missed me and the absence of which makes me feel lost even when I’m with Alex. He loves me for who I am, but I’ve gotten lazy with myself, and he deserves better, and I deserve better. No settling, ever.

I know I can work on myself again and still maintain our relationship (and if not, we had a good run and I can still continue to work on getting back on track). Today was the first day he was gone and even though I was super sad all day I can already tell this was the right move for us. There’s so many things I need to catch up on and I feel embarrassed that I neglected it so long. Self-improvement is never easy, but I need to do the things that aren’t easy, too. I’m gonna be better and kinder and prettier and if I do end up moving to the bay, I’ll be the best version of myself (for both of us).

[notsohesitantly-blog]

I miss my dog very much, every day. It’s so hard coming home without him. I hear his absence like thunder. He loved me so much, so purely. I can’t stop being sad about it.

[notesoutofmymind]

- out of my notebook

[notsohesitantly-blog]

My bf is moving next week and I can’t lie I’m fucking devastated

[notsohesitantly-blog]

I just want one (1) reliable friend who cares whether or not I’m there but I guess I’m just rly not the kind of girl who ppl want to be friends with lmao