Not Peter Parker

I was a boy in NYC doing alright, Then I became a Avenger overnight, Now I gotta figure out how to do it right, So much to learn and see, Up in the compound with my new family, In a school that's just for PTSD, A whole enchanted world is waiting for me ! 

[notspidermaneither]

Peter: "your trauma made you stronger"

Peter: It absolutely did not. It did make me funnier though

[notspidermaneither]

Ultron: I want to change the world

Tony: for the better?

Ultron:

Tony: Ultron?

Tony: Answer me Ultron

[notspidermaneither]

Thor: You saved us, Val! I owe you my life.

Valkyrie: No, thanks. I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

[notspidermaneither]

Thor: People said you always look so unapproachable

Loki: and yet, here you are

[notspidermaneither]

Tony: *unbuttons shirt* Gosh it's hot in here.

Steve: Yes it is, but why are you unbuttoning my shirt?

[notspidermaneither]

Bucky: I am darkness!

Bucky: I am the night!

Bucky: I am -

Sam: A semi-stable 100 year old man?

Bucky:

Bucky: irrelevant

[notspidermaneither]

Tony: Just the other day someone asked me who the most beautiful person in the world was. Do you know what I said?

Steve: What did you say?

Tony: I said-

*Clint falls from the air vents*

Tony: Clint?

Steve: Clint?!

[notspidermaneither]

Thor: We have fun, don't we Loki?

Loki: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

[notspidermaneither]

Peter to Thanos: Somewhere out there, there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe.

Peter: I think you owe it an apology.

[notspidermaneither]

[At Disneyland, on the spinning teacup ride]

T'Challa, Thor, and Okoye: [spinning calmly while having a conversation]

Bucky, Sam, and Valkyrie: [spinning slightly faster while having a heated argument]

Shuri, Peter, and Loki: [flying past them, spinning faster than the speed of light, screaming at the top of their lungs]

[notspidermaneither]

Bucky: [dressed in black, earbuds in, frowning]

Scott: wow what’s he listening to why is he so mad

Bucky’s earbuds: surface — sunday best, full volume

[notspidermaneither]

Tony: Don't make this difficult for yourself, Steve.

Steve, getting ready to fight all the villains at the same time: Difficult for myself? I was born difficult for myself.

[notspidermaneither]

Tony: I just alternate between ‘maybe I’m smarter than I give myself credit for’ and ‘maybe I’m dumber than I realise’

[notspidermaneither]

Bucky: Initiate Phase 2.

Peter: I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I'll assume we just run in like we discussed.

Bucky: Affirmative.

Peter: I'll assume that means "yes".

Bucky: Roger.

Peter: My name's Peter.

[notspidermaneither]

Steve: Why is Sam screaming in his room?

Scott: he took one of those “which Avenger are you” quizzes.

Steve: Oh, who did he get?

Bucky: Me.

[notspidermaneither]

Loki: I prevented a murder today.

Frigga: Really? That's amazing! How did you manage that?

Loki, looking at Thor: Self control.

[notspidermaneither]

villain: But why?! Why would you save Falcon? You don't even like him!

Bucky, dragging Sam to safety: OHANA, LOSER