not the hero

Not that I'm not a hero, I'm just not yours.

[notthehero]

The hero forgot to wash and fix their costume, so now they are fighting the villain in sweats.

[notthehero]

A new rising criminal kidnaps the hero to show off their power to the city as they take over, but the hero's spouse (the villain) comes banging down their door to get the hero back.

[notthehero]

The immortal villain is accused of stealing an important religious item, but insists that the item belongs to them and was stolen by a priest they used to know.

[notthehero]

Where the hero and villain bicker like children constantly...

Hero: "Hey, stop that."

Villain, fiddling with their cuffs: "Why? Is being uncomfortable in handcuffs a crime?"

Hero: "You're not getting out of them."

Villain: "They're fucking handcuffs. A twelve year old could get out of them. Come on, they hurt. Could you at least loosen them?"

Hero: "Yeah no, I'm not falling for that."

Villain: "It's not a trick, you fucking nimrod."

Hero: "Nimrod? Is that really the best insult you could come up with?"

[notthehero]

Hero: "What are you doing here?"

Villain: "Heroing. Heroin? Heroine? Hero-ing--"

Hero: "Why?"

Villain: "Because you died, stupid. I can't let villains rule my city. Besides, it's my turn to get to be the hero."

Hero: "Well, I'm back now."

Villain: "Too bad. Move your feet, lose your seat."

Hero: "That's not--"

Villain: "Tell you what, you can be my sidekick."

Hero: "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

[notthehero]

The villain decided to create a space laser. Except they got a little too focused on the space part and now they've created the first ship capable of warp drive. And they have no plans to continue the laser, instead focusing on their newfound passion: building space ships.

The hero just broke into their headquarters to see what master plan they have been working up, only to find the villain sitting among a ton of blueprints, deeply focused on their new work.

[notthehero]

The villain stares at the hero, dumbfounded. "Did you really think that would work?"

The hero, sitting on the ground holding their broken hand, looks up. "It's never not worked."

The villain sighs. "The starship is made from literal compressed star. You can't just punch through it. Do you even know how your race's powers work?"

The hero: "Well, I'm a little too busy trying to stop villains and alien invasions to study my powers, sorry."

The villain: "Whatever. I'll stop the aliens myself. And then I'll destroy you too."

[notthehero]

The villain thought it'd be fun to kidnap the hero, but after they dropped some drugs into their drink they ended up sucker punched by some civilian.

[notthehero]

Now they're sitting in the county jail cell waiting for their lawyer to show up while two drunk cowboys try to show off their muscles and a feminist tractor tipper glares at them. Who knew the hero lived in such a small town?

[notthehero]

The villain thought it'd be fun to kidnap the hero, but after they dropped some drugs into their drink they ended up sucker punched by some civilian.

[notthehero]

The hero went to pick up the small child from among the wreckage, but they cried out. Running past the hero, the child ducks behind the villain's legs where they hide from the hero.

[notthehero]

News helicopters circling around, the two stand across from one another silently. The child cowers behind the villain still, fearing for their life.

[notthehero]

The hero went to pick up the small child from among the wreckage, but they cried out. Running past the hero, the child ducks behind the villain's legs where they hide from the hero.

[notthehero]

The hero called in sick to work, but really they're going to the villain's rave because their friends think they're "too chicken" to go.

[notthehero]

The villain sits in their cell, mumbling to themself. They stand accused of murdering a hero -- their arch nemesis.

But they've never killed anyone before. And they couldn't have killed the invincible hero because their power is only resurrection. It's impossible.

They don't know who killed the hero, but they're about to find out. And when they do, that person will suffer for their crimes.

The hero and villain will both make sure of that.

[notthehero]

Reblogging this again with a different follow-up idea:

The hero was murdered by the corrupt hero association. They work with the villain to take down the association and their control of hero society.

[notthehero]

The villain sits in their cell, mumbling to themself. They stand accused of murdering a hero -- their arch nemesis.

But they've never killed anyone before. And they couldn't have killed the invincible hero because their power is only resurrection. It's impossible.

They don't know who killed the hero, but they're about to find out. And when they do, that person will suffer for their crimes.

The hero and villain will both make sure of that.

[notthehero]

Um, following up on this...

TW: suicide

There is an idea in my head somewhere where the hero actually committed suicide, only to be brought back to life again by the villain.

[notthehero]

TW: homicide

The villain sits in their cell, mumbling to themself. They stand accused of murdering a hero -- their arch nemesis.

But they've never killed anyone before. And they couldn't have killed the invincible hero because their power is only resurrection. It's impossible.

They don't know who killed the hero, but they're about to find out. And when they do, that person will suffer for their crimes.

The hero and villain will both make sure of that.

[notthehero]

Hero: "What the fuck is that supposed to be?"

Villain: "Are you insulting my artwork?"

Hero: "Is that what you do all day? Paint?"

Villain: "Well, someone put me in prison for ninety-seven lifetimes. I have to do something. What are you even doing here anyway? Here to gloat?"

[notthehero]

The vigilante passed out on the couch bleeding after a fight. They forgot their unknowing longtime partner, the hero, just moved in with them.