what’s meant to be, will be 🦋

Life’s a wild adventure

[nouttoseehere]

It's my 11 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[nouttoseehere]

It’s been a hot minute but this year has been a rollercoaster already 😂

[nouttoseehere]

Mad how you can go without seeing/speaking to someone and meeting up again and it feeling like you’ve not had time apart. That’s how you know they’re good for you

[nouttoseehere]

Got everything crossed, things are going so good atm

[sixpenceee]

[nouttoseehere]

What a rollercoaster of day. That is all

[nouttoseehere]

I am praying that this time next week I’ll have the answers and I’ll be even more at peace.

[nouttoseehere]

I am starting to feel more at peace again, thank goodness!

[nouttoseehere]

I am praying that this time next week I’ll have the answers and I’ll be even more at peace.

[nouttoseehere]

Pretty crazy how you can reflect on certain things and not know how you made but you did.. I am in a better space and place. I’m not where I hoped to be but I know I’ll get there. Everything happens for a reason and some situations are temporary. Some people aren’t meant to stay for life, some words are better left unsaid.

I’ve learnt and still learning. I will be always looking forward and not looking back.

[nouttoseehere]

Thinking of you angel, I really hope I am making you proud, I hope where ever you are you know that you are so loved and miss dearly

[nouttoseehere]

And just like there another year comes around, the time is flyin And I know I says this every time! Tomorrow marks your 17th birthday, it’s crazy to think that 17 years ago I held you and didn’t have a clue how much you’d change my life.

I do still catch myself wondering what kinda personality you’d have, would you still have ginger hair, would it be straight or curly.. they really our questions that just stick and haunt me, we should’ve had longer, I wish I could’ve held you longer and tighter, told you how much I adore you. It really does hit hard when you lose a sibling, it comes with great pain and sorrow. Our loss has given me my ultimate wake up call from a young age and tbh no will fully get it until they’ve experienced that great loss. Sometimes it’s hard to get through the day and other days are easier. The grief and pain is always there, but along with that we have the best memories and amazing photos. We’ve had the privilege to have been able meet one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, not only that but to have had them so so close.

I must say it’s an honour to be your sister, I wish things were different, I wish that we had more time.

You’ll forever be the brightest star in the sky and you’ll be celebrated and cherished forever, all my love your big sis

✨💜🦋👼🏻

[nouttoseehere]

[nouttoseehere]

Thinking of you, you little angel:

[nouttoseehere]

On to the other. It’s been hard, well hard is an understatement.

Full disclosure, it’s unearthed a lot. And I mean ALOT. I thought I was healing but this is the wave I’ll forever ride. I know I’ll never fully heal and I made peace with that. That’s a part of my life that I can’t change and you were the most incredible part, 16 years on you’re still a big influence on me and you literally changed my life, mind and soul. You taught me to love, a love that I’ve never experienced, you were so pure and beautiful. So this experience has been awfully bittersweet, to know things 16 years on could’ve been a lot different. That well and truly breaks my heart.

I appreciate those who try to understand that part of me and those who know that part of me, know me. They know my pain, the pain I carry everyday, well some days it’s very heavy.

It’s a long road but we’ll get there and my mind will be at some kind of peace. It’s just a scary time and a lot of waiting.

[nouttoseehere]

Yo it’s been wild out here but I’ve been strong. And on reflection I dunno how I’m surviving rn

Between him, work and life it’s been just wow. Idk. Life is bizarre but the main is is in hand that’s what I need to fully focus on.

Still on the road to healing however it’s frustrating when you’re feeling really strong and at peace and they come back like I’m still here but Everything seems to be stood still when it comes down to it, whether that be fear, situation? God knows only they truly know.

I’m trying to still be me but I can’t. Bc this me loves you and still is in the place where I haven’t switched yet, I dunno if you feel it but for me you’re at arms length and on better days you’re even further, which is good but I still have this overwhelming feeling for you and I can’t stay here forever, you can’t have best of both worlds. You just can’t it’s not right and it’s not healthy for me, so without you noticing or showing you notice, I’ll keep on shuffling back and keeping my arms stretched out so you can’t come closer. I need to protect me, my heart, my soul, my mind and body. I’m sick of aching bc of you

So I at a distance leave you to your own mind and whatever it is that you’ve got yourself into and you can’t seem to set yourself free from even tho you say you want out but you’re not out 😂😂 any not my business. Good luck love

[nouttoseehere]

Donda is insane that is all

[nouttoseehere]

This song has healing powers, don’t @ me. Kanye is the ultimate GOAT 🐐. Cannot wait for Donda 💜