ADMINISTRATION

Would you like to report a hostile convict? Are you here to find a new and shiny new mission to partake in? Here at ADMINISTRATION, we're made to serve your every need ! Just make sure you come back with all your limbs intact! We don't want to waste precious titanium on you, scum of the earth!

[nova-admin]

"I recommend myself."

“Well, don’t you think you’re clever? Didn’t get enough, hmm? A glutton for punishment?” A twisted smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth. “You’re my kind of lab rat.” 

“Here.” He tosses a satchel of coins towards the inmate, clanking metal in a small canvas pouch. “Thank you for your service. Now take your additional coins and get the hell out of my office.”

(2) YOU WERE ASKED TO CHEW THE PLANT RAW. It tasted like bubble gum and you dared to swallow your spit once your guard was down. Suddenly, you feel your throat close and your muscles spasm in the form of uncontrollable retching. The medical team managed to unlock your jaw long enough to wrestle the remnants of the planet from your mouth, but in uncontrollable chatter of your teeth made you damn near bite his poor fingers off. You were awarded 1000 coin, but lost 350 for muscle relaxants and was advised to rest your vocal chords for at least 10 days. Oh, and you can’t chew until day 8; have fun with your liquid meals!)

[nova-admin]

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDNT WANNA DO THAT STUPID MISSION YOU SADIST FUCKS

My, my. Such aggression. You know where a temper like that will land you? A trip to {C.O.R.E.}

Oh, but you performed marvelously! It was quite a sight. And I’m sure those coins made it all worth it, huh? Why don’t you go buy yourself a bit of chocolate as a reward. 

Don’t fret. You’ll start to feel better soon enough. Perhaps you’ll have better luck next month. In the meantime, I’d love to take a look at how the chemical affected your irises….

[nova-admin]

RESULTS !!

Did everyone have a wonderful journey? Were you well rested? Are all of your body parts intact? Wonderful!  If not, direct all questions, comments and concerns to administration; we can’t promise when we’ll reply but we WILL be notified! Please join us on our new {DISCORD SERVER} to chat among yourselves and check out our dice rolls for consistencies.  Mark will tally up the conclusion of our three missions this month, listen up !!

Hello, everyone. I hear you’ve all worked very hard this week. I commend you for your efforts. Below, I will give the results of your monthly tasks. Remember, I have no control over your actions or how you did. If you have any questions about your mission, you may bring it up with {MANAGEMENT|. 

For {MISSION DAYDREAM} WE HAVE:

Barbie: 5 (set painter)

Trick: 3 (stagehand)

Incubus: 4 (costumes)

Tantalus: 2 (sprained ankle)

For {MISSION INSOMNIA} WE HAVE:

Hydra: 3 (blinded)

Dove: 6 (broken leg)

Loki: 3 (blinded)

For {MISSION NIGHTMARE} WE HAVE:

Hephaestus: 3 (upper-arm injection. please recommend an additional inmate)

Hephaestus #2: 2 (chewed. self-recommendation. see above.)

Icarus: 6 (”cheetah print” calf tattoo)

Bones: 6 (”cheetah print” calf tattoo)  

Kronos: 5 (chicken nugget neck tattoo)

Do with this information as you see fit. You have until the end of the month to reply to these in kind --start threads, send memes, the works. Congratulations on your success (and failure). We appreciate your hard work and devotion in making NOVA Headquarters a strong and reliable force in this little galaxy of ours. Happy recovering! Your coin earnings will be directly deposited into your accounts within the next 24 hours. 

[nova-admin]

MISSION NIGHTMARE ;; APRIL :    ❝ Pins, Needles, and Potions on Potions❞

A bulbous plant was found on galaxy Zuro 15 days earlier, cold to the couch and pulsing with hidden energy. The Grangians of planet Grangia called it Xexi, a humble translation of ‘Everlasting’ and a staple of their medical equivalent. Once brought to Neptune, animal trials proved to be lethal towards 88% of the species tried; however, the other 12% displayed phenomenal results: improved eyesight, muscle bulking, and increased cognitive function. The path towards clinical trials on humans will be long and strenuous; after all, no one knows where such an injection should take place-- the spine? The eye? Between the fingers? Maybe it should be crushed into medicine again, or implanted beneath the epidermis... regardless, it would be an awful waste of resources if experimentation were to hinder based on dumb things like ethics. Difficulty: 7/10 Reward: Dependent on side effects; please consult your NOVA Administration Positions: 4 Spots Available

Dice Roll Outcomes ;;  1) You were given the task of peeling the thorned leaves and cleaning the bulbous interior for later use. Although not actively part of the clinical trial, side effects of prolonged exposure to Xexi frond has left you with slight paralysis of your hands. The longer you work, the more stiff your fingers became. You mention it to the next technician making his rounds and he gestures quite irritably at a bin of gloves you failed to note. Oops. You receive 650 coin, but a trip to Bay-Max cost you 400 coin and you are asked to wear mittens (oven mittens, no less) for 7 days in case you transfer the leftover microscopic needles from your fingers onto others in passing. 2) You were asked to chew the plant raw. It tasted like bubble gum and you dared to swallow your spit once your guard was down. Suddenly, you feel your throat close and your muscles spasm in the form of uncontrollable retching. The medical team managed to unlock your jaw long enough to wrestle the remnants of the planet from your mouth, but in uncontrollable chatter of your teeth made you damn near bite his poor fingers off. You were awarded 1000 coin, but lost 350 for muscle relaxants and was advised to rest your vocal chords for at least 10 days. Oh, and you can’t chew until day 8; have fun with your liquid meals! 3) A light dose of Xexi was injected into your upper arm. You felt minimal dizziness upon standing, but was thankfully okay. The scientists are pleased and reward you 950 coin in thanks. You filled out a survey regarding life back home and the scientists take note of what planet you’re from; you hear them mumbling something about forced intervention as you leave. 24 hours later, you find a letter slipped into your dormitory and requests you to recommend another inmate for further research. [Choose another character for Mission Nightmare: April. They could have done another mission as well and their results will be determined via diceroll] 4)  A strong dose of Xexi was injected into the chest to inspect its effect on the circulatory system. You were sent into arrhythmia in a matter of minutes and rushed into Bay-Max for resuscitation. Their solution? Your collar will now zap you every 2 hours like a mini defibrillator, keeping your heart on the correct pace until your checkup 7 days later. You are advised to not stand directly under pouring water (like showers) and to keep clear of fluids. You will be dehydrated, sticky (unless you find an alternative way of cleaning yourself) and void of sleep until your checkup--but you earned 1200 coin. 5) AND 6) A mash of Xexi and Gourva Facilis paste will be smeared over a tattoo (lazily engraved by the shaky hands of an intern) to study the effects on ink removal. Instead of clearing the ink, it becomes infected instead and costs you 500 coin for treatment and 600 coin for antibiotics. You make a total of 2100 coin (1000 after deductions), but the tattoo is now irreversible [reroll to determine the tattoo:]

A lower back tattoo of a heart with the words ‘no ragrats’

A shoulder tattoo of a badly drawn collection of mini stars

A horrible nipple tattoo with a little fedora resting on top

A chest tattoo with a phallic imprint

A neck tattoo of the intern’s favorite food: a chicken nugget

A calf tattoo made up of squiggles that mimicked ‘cheetah print’ but looks more like worms.

[nova-admin]

MISSION INSOMNIA ;; APRIL :    ❝ The Most Dangerous Game❞

Madam LeVille had a dream-- she wanted to hunt, to feel the adrenaline of a good sport without the disgusting taste of nature in the air or the animals that came with it. With determination in place and a couple hundred thousands of paintball ammunition, she sold the tickets for the best damn game meant for any predator at heart. At 11:35 PM, the gates will open for the prisoners and under the crystal dome they will run and look for shelter. Bushes, trees, fake rivers overflowing with champagne-- all will be part of the gorgeous scene displayed to the gawking audience. At midnight, the hunt will begin. Most are armed with paintball guns and glow in the dark arsenal-- but some snuck in batons, sprays, and one particularly deceitful pack of frost needles. Difficulty: 5/10 Reward: 350 coins if captured, 600 coins if free at end of hunt. All participants enjoy one night at the Cecil Hotel and Casino, courtesy of Madame LeVille.  Positions: Flexible

Dice Roll Outcomes ;;  1) You resist capture for the duration of the game. Congratulations! You receive 600 coins and a pat on the back. 2) You were eventually captured, but you played a good game; the welts littering your skin serve as battle scars. You receive 350 coins for your efforts. 3) A stealthy contestant from Uranus snuck in a lachrymatory agent in the form of a highly-potent aerosol spray. They aim it right for your eyes and it seeps through your mask, blinding you for 48 hours. You are captured, but earn 350 coins by the end, and get to sport a pretty badass-looking blindfold. 4) You're coming out from around a bend in the trees when suddenly you're pelted with a flurry of small, needle-like icicles. It feels like a million of pin pricks all over your body, and you begin to shiver. By the time they find you, your skin is starting to turn blue. Thankfully, BAY-MAX is equipped with fast-acting thermal machines and you don't lose any filanges or limbs to frost bite. Unfortunately, you are pulled out of the game early by rec medics and don't make any coins, and you owe the clinic 200 coins for their services. 5) Out of the corner of your eye, you spy your opponent, and you don't waste a second before you strike. As the paintballs fly in the air towards the other contestant, you see the color of their bandana and realize it is one or your teammates. You win 600 coins for avoiding capture, but your teammate isn't very pleased. 6) You think your hiding place behind the bushes seems secure, but you are mistaken. A contestant holding an unlawed, black baton discovers you and takes a couple of hard whacks at your legs. Your leg is broken and you are captured. You are awarded 350 coins for your efforts, but must be on crutches for a minimum of two weeks. The crutches, ironically, cost 350 coins.

[nova-admin]

MISSION DAYDREAM ;; APRIL :    ❝The Wonderful Case of the Kindergarten Play❞

When admission depends on ancestry and common sack lunches include sashimi wrapped in golden truffle, one would expect Uranus’ Saint Andrews’ kindergarten rendition of Mother Moon, Father Sun to be more beautiful than the archaic Broadway. Children were groomed by hungry thespians from Mercury who get paid based on what role their child prodigy manages to snatch after cutthroat auditions, but who can blame them? After all, the primary school would shell out so much money to import convicts from Earth to fill their stage as background characters and stagehands. Why would you place felons near doe eyed youth, you ask? Freak shows do tend to draw a crowd these days-- especially when humiliation is involved. Difficulty: 2/10 Reward: 100 coins upon completion, a book of choosing from a Uranusian library Positions: Flexible

Dice Roll Outcomes ;; 

1) You are dutifully cast as a tree in the background. You're sore from standing still, but nothing of note occurred. You receive the award without any complications.

2) You sprain your ankle during the rainbow tap number and have to keep it bandaged for a couple of weeks. The pack of bandaging supplies is 100 coins, but at least you have a neat new book to read while you're resting your foot.

3) You draw a little too much attention to yourself in your role of Flower Number 4, so the committee decides you will work backstage instead. You do an excellent job and earn 100 coins. One of the kids also gives you a lollipop in thanks.

4) With the chorus roles already cast, you are in charge of costumes when you arrive. This job mostly involves attaching cotton balls onto the children acting as clouds. One kid has an allergic reaction to the adhesive. You have to pay their hospital fee, but you also have to serve as their understudy. In the end, you break even financially.

5) You are in charge of painting the set. The director loves your cloud mural! You are awarded 100 coins for completion, and to your surprise, you are also gifted a small paint set.

6) You are in charge of working the spotlight. Without being given proper protection, your hands are blistered and burned from the hot metal lamp. Nevertheless, you make 100 coins. Our Commissary also sells burn cream, should you wish to purchase.

[nova-admin]

BEEP BOOP -- 

Make sure to read my wonderful {GUIDE} , okay ?? I will be releasing the missions very soon (most definitely tonight !!) and I want everyone to know exactly what do do !!

Mark is going to FLIP over one of them ;; it’s a scientist’s W E T  D R E A M.

xx