until we meet again

" I'll keep you    locked in my head " fractured  Ludger Will Kresnik   dimension F40AC  fanfic AU  SFW | selective  sideblog " And time makes it harder,  I wish I could remember,   but I keep your memory "

[typedbookquotes]

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

Reversal

[novaeremnant]

waymarkerprogenitor:

For a moment, the child fell silent, unsure if he should continue on. He still had this fear, this paranoia, that Ludger was actually just someone who wanted to give him back to his father. At the same time, he wanted to trust the man. If it turned out that his paranoia was correct… surely Julius could run again? After all, he has experience now, right? “Julius,” the child said, a little hesitantly, a little softly, belatedly realizing that maybe he should have given a nickname instead. “My name is Julius, Mr. Ludger.”

A small, tiny rumble came from his stomach, and instantly Julius was reminded of the gnawing pain of hunger, and the reason he was out near the mouth of the alley, instead of hidden further on, where his father’s men would not find him. “I have t’ go now, Mr. Ludger…” He was slowly going back to the street slang once he remembered his situation. He didn’t want to beg for food from Ludger, regardless if he was a potential relative. Julius still had his pride, and he definitely hated asking for help. He stashed the pocket watch underneath his clothes. “But maybe we’ll meet again? I live ‘round here ‘nyways…” Well, not exactly in this alley, but there was an abandoned flood tunnel nearby that Julius ended up staying in during the nights.

An unhappy expression flitted across Ludger’s face briefly at the reaffirmation-- yes, the kid, no, Julius, he had a name now, actually did live on the streets like this-- before he could school it away. Everyone had always told him he was too open with his feelings, but try as he might he couldn’t help but be an open book.

“Maybe,” he hummed in reply, once he knew his reactions were back under control. “Not gonna lie, this isn’t really part of my normal way home from the market, but it’s good to change things up sometimes, right? Makes you less predictable.” And if both routes involved giving the Spirius building and some of the more well-used patrol routes a large berth as per his mother’s warnings, then that really didn’t need mentioning.

He discreetly but quickly looked over the kid-- Julius again and quickly came to a decision.

“Hey, um, I interrupted your having dinner when I stopped by, right?” Even if calling the meagre scrap of bread ‘dinner’ was being very generous. Ludger shifted the weight of the bag he was carrying again, making clear its contents. “Lemme make it up to you. I don’t know if there are any shops still open, or whether the leftovers would’ve been taken care of yet, but I like to think I’m an okay chef-- well, mostly.” He ducked his head a little sheepishly. “It’s just me at home, and I haven’t quite adjusted to shopping and cooking for only one person yet.”

Even as he said it he mentally winced at himself. Too much? Too strong? Too forward for a stranger, especially an older one who’d only literally just met the kid? The worse kinds of people Elympios had to offer tended to flock to Duval, but that didn’t mean there weren’t shady sorts in Trigleph either, and he knew how the offer might sound...

He still offered up the most sincere smile he could. “No pressure or anything, I mean-- I’ll understand if you wanna say no.”

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

Reversal

[novaeremnant]

waymarkerprogenitor:

Julius relaxed his hold on the pocketwatch, before bringing it up beside the man’s own. “It kinda matches, ‘cept the colour.” The child timidly reached out, having the urge to run his fingers over the man’s golden watch, before pulling back, realizing what he was about to do. Maybe the man wouldn’t like it if he did that. Father always hated it.

The blond shook his head, wanting to clear up what he was saying earlier. “I mean, um, your eyes…. they’re kinda like my mother’s…” Completely gone was the street accent, though Julius wasn’t aware, or if he was, didn’t care. “Mother had kinda green eyes like yours…” Except the man’s eyes were less… heavy. He couldn’t think of the word that matched his mother’s eyes when she was still alive, except for “heavy”. “But hair like mine. Except longer.”

Automatically, Julius ducked a little, and stiffened at the pat on his head. He knew that the man wouldn’t hit him, but the child couldn’t help it. Only his mother would pat him like this, and occasionally his grandfather during rare visits. “My, um, mother told me I had an aunt too… but I never got to meet her… do you think, maybe your mother is my aunt?” 

“... Mom had the same eyes too. I think she might be.” Ludger retracted his hand slowly, watching the child’s reaction with care. He was so guarded in everything; Ludger knew the streets of Trigleph were anything but kind, but still, what had the kid been though at his age to be so wary of everything...? “Not like you see these kinds of eyes all that often, right? They kind of stand out... And her hair’s a lot like you said too.

“I guess that’s why I also thought you looked sort of familiar when I saw you.” Ludger canted his head slightly at the thought, as if the tilt would help him further place the resemblance. The change in diction didn’t quite escape him either, but he let it be because he didn’t really have anything to say about it. “When I think about it, your hair really is the same as her’s. And your eyes are bluer, but... it’s close. Yeah,” he said, nodding in confirmation to himself as he straightened up. “Yeah, we’re definitely related.

“Say, um, what’s your name anyway? I’ve just been calling you ‘kid’ in my head, but, well, that doesn’t really seem appropriate anymore.” Ludger gave the boy another warm smile, this one coming a little more easily to him than the ones earlier. “And if you’re worried about giving it out to a stranger-- it’s okay, I get it. But I’m Ludger, if you wanted to know.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“You make it sound like I haven’t dealt with a stubborn person in my entire life. I can think of two primary suspects off the top of my head: Elle and you.” Star meant that as a strange sort of compliment (and a joke too). His stubborn will to find his little brother was reminiscent of how he felt towards his older brother. The only difference being his brother wasn’t lost. 

“Why not? I’m offering, and it’s not like we’d be holding twenty-four hour conversations. And deny it all you want, everyone gets lonely sometime. I’d hate to leave you feeling like that when I can help!” Helping people ranked high on his priority list. Friends rose the bar even higher. “I’ll be holding you to that promise, Nebulae-san. In fact, let me…” 

Bringing the phone down from his ear, Star switched the phone’s camera on to take pictures of his lone pinky finger sticking out. When he found a non-blurry one, he sent it to Nebulae-san. 

“There. Now we can pinky promise on it.”

“Stubborn, really? What’d I do to deserve that title?” he sighed, but his tone made it clear he was playing along with the jest. “I’d like to think of myself as extremely giving and patient, thank you very much. In fact, I’m a downright saint for putting up with this kind of character assassination! First my little brother, now you too?”

Maybe at some point he should shadow some of his more typical-seeming counterparts for a while? If he used Star’s dimension as a baseline and tried for a low deviation from that, maybe he’d figure out who it was he was supposed to know every time the other dropped a name like it was supposed to mean something to him.

“You’re really serious about this, huh? All right, hang on a second.” It wasn’t hard for him to replicate what Star had done, so he sent his own version right back.

“There go my hopes of being an oathbreaker.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

Nebulae-san’s answer didn’t inspire much confidence… “D-Did I say something wrong again…?” Star asked timidly, certainly hoping he hadn’t gone wrong. 

Softer than before, Nebulae-san did speak up again, reminding him that because Julius had all this time away from him, he’d be different. He wouldn’t remember anything. “I know that, but you still think of Julius as your little brother, right? You’re going through all this trouble just to find him despite him being a lot different than he was before. If he means that much to you, I’d still like to meet him…. i-if that’s okay with you.” 

“S-So… Um…” Star had something really meaningful to say, but he lost it… “I-If you get lonely, you know my number now. Doesn’t matter if it’s 2 PM or 3 AM–I’ll answer and keep you company. Consider it my thanks for being so nice and patient with me, Nebulae-san.” 

“... All right, fair enough.” He stifled a small laugh, turning it into a snicker before he snuck in a few jokes at Julius’ expense. “But don’t ever say I didn’t warn you, then. Can’t promise that he’ll necessarily be on his best behaviour, you know?”

(If the brat wanted to argue against that, then, well, he shouldn’t have up and vanished on him should he?)

“I couldn’t possibly use you as a 24 hour hotline, Star, you need to sleep sometime. Don’t worry about me though, I’ll be fine. My promise to check in every now and then still stands.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

Star’s crying didn’t quite stop, although a choked ‘yes’ did signal he was indeed still there to listen. Nebulae-san assured him he wasn’t mad, rather his little brother was a heavy topic. He knew that feeling… “I-It’s… not your fault you got upset. I should know better th-than a lot of people how… important Julius is. Just… give me a moment.” 

Taking a few moments to steady his breathing, he picked his phone back up once he felt ready to speak again. “Sorry for crying out of the blue; I-I get really afraid of upsetting people.” And expressing himself with just words was very, very hard. It’s why Star always preferred to see and talk to people than just talk to them without faces. “A-And if you got mad, I wouldn’t be able to see or talk to you ever again. I’d miss you.” 

“…Um…. Wh-When you find Julius, I hope I can meet him. I’d like to see how different he is from Nii-san– apart from their ages.”  

“...Right. Sure. Yeah, I... hope you can too.” He went quiet for a moment, though he stayed on the line.

When he spoke up again, his voice was softer than before. “Star, you... know how it works, right? Even if it’s the same person... Any amount of time could have passed, with a different life, with different memories. I know full well that the Julius I find won’t... be the same as the one I lost. Even if he remembers, it’s going to be different.

“I wish I could have introduced you to him before, but now, well... I’m prepared to deal with whoever I find, but I don’t know how different he’ll be from yours either.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“It probably is; when Vera would call me about Waymarkers and the sort, she had no trouble with connecting, even when I was in a dimension far, far away. She said the Chromatus is a link between dimensions– seems GHSes are in that same boat.”

Star quieted down after that, already realizing he went too overboard with Nebulae-san. Nebulae-san explained how he juggled school and work; he’d never gotten a ‘regular’ job that lasted more than a week. He also clarified how his little brother wouldn’t steal things, and he stood by that. Why did he have to run his big dumb mouth?

“I-I…. I-I’m….” Bringing his hands together and rubbing one thumb against the other as a nervous habit, he struggled on what to say. “You…. I-I-I…. I-I’m….!” Every time he tried to talk, his throat went dry and speaking became impossible. “…S-S-S-S…… s-s-s–oooo….r-r-r-r-rrr…” Star turned away, hiding his face in his hands as he cried as quietly as possible. He never meant to…–

“Wonder if that means I could’ve just rung him up if he hadn’t left his GHS with me...” he muttered, before startling back into alertness at the distinctive sounds of someone trying to stifle sobbing. “Star? Ah, c’mon...”

“Star, look-- you still there? It’s okay. I’m not mad or anything. I just...” Don’t like the fact that it sounds like we could so easily be substituted for... “...Guess that Julius is still sort of a sore point for me even now,” he said instead, sighing and carding his free hand through his hair. “Here I thought I was fine.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“I don’t think you’ll be so easily traced just because I managed to guess your number, Nebulae-san. And, weird as it is, I don’t think it quite works unless you have an idea of what you mean to communicate with. All the other numbers I tried were just from people in my dimension; the only time I got out of my dimensions’ call range is when I guessed right.” But that was just a theory. He was trying his best though. 

“Oh is it? He is still running off by himself. And, since my Nii-san and your otouto are still similar, you can’t say whether or not he’s stealing something right now! Plus, what did you do to earn your keep back in the day? I know you weren’t a DODA agent.”

“I’m supposed to be off the grid, is the thing, so I don’t know how you even managed to reach me... I’m chalking this one up to weird Chromatus interactions. I really don’t know. For all I know you’re right.”

“And what was I doing back then? I sure as hell wasn’t letting the 9 year old pay for the rent is what, not that he even was getting paid for Agent work. I worked after school, same sort of stuff mom used to, plus some odd jobs here and there around town, off the board until I eventually landed something more permanent after graduation.

“Star... just a warning, because I know you don’t mean anything by it, but please stop talking about my brother and I like you know how things are for us just because you’re comparing things to your own dimension. The Julius I knew wouldn’t ever have stolen anything. He never had a reason to.”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“No, I’m past doing something like that– and Nii-san gave me enough lectures to make sure I stick to my mentality.” Star does have mood dips still, although he’s gotten better about them… sort of. He ate, slept, and bathed at least. 

“You make it sound like me having your number is one of the worst things to ever happen.” Did Nebulae-san think he would use it to get back at him because of their bet? If so, he was appalled that he thought him so immature. “And Nii-san sort of told me it was so he had the necessities. And if your otouto is running around by himself, I bet he’s doing that same thing. This reflects poorly on your Nii-san abilities, Nebulae-san.”

“I’d just rather not be so easily traced, is all, especially because of something like that. Remind me to switch GHSes at some point... though I have no idea how the interdimensional coverage works or why they can still key in on our own dimensions instead of connecting to the network of the dimension we’re in, anyway.”

“He’s not running around on his own-- well, he is right now I guess, but that’s different, completely different, and he didn’t, not back then! What do you even take me for?!”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“W-Well, there was that one time where we were making a bet and you cheated by saying I lost because you already knew! And… I know people.” Honestly, Star just remember his old phone number and guessed what Nebulae-san’s would be. There were many failures, although he’d never talk about them. Nope. Never. 

“Yes he is! All kids are! They might act like nothing you do affects them, but Julius will look up to you before it’s too late! And then he’ll lie, cheat, and steal all the time!”

“Well that’s not really cheating, is it? You wanted to bet that no one would care, hello, I proved you wrong, no cheating involved! Should’ve said something about not including either of us if you wanted to be that fussy about it!”

“You... you know people. Of course you do.” This is the sound of him believing you, Star. “You’d have to have some crazy connections then. That, or I need to grill you about where you’ve been keeping my brother and why you haven’t told me about it yet. Where’d you even manage to get stealing from? Neither of us has ever been a thief!”

[novaeremnant]

ofstarsandskies:

“Nebulae-san, you need to learn that cheating and lying is bad! You’ll start giving your little brother the idea he can lie all the time too and then you’ll be a family of lying liars in charge of lieville!”

“Whoa, hey, hang on, when in the world have I lied to you?-- How’d you even get my number, I don’t remember giving it to you!” Plus his Julius was probably way better at that game to begin with than Nebulae himself, he just caught up and started playing it better, with less actual misdirection and lying to boot.

“Julius isn’t even that impressionable, and I’d know! Goodness knows it was a pain getting certain things through his stubborn, thickheaded skull...”

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

Reversal

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

A small sniffle escaped Julius’ nose as the child tried to calm himself down by himself. The man’s voice helped though - for some reason, it reminded the child of his own mother. Gentle, and warm, unlike his cold and distant father. The blond child clutched his watch tight to his chest, other hand furiously rubbing his eyes until they were red.

 “…Y-your mother said th’ same thing?” the child stammered, carefully practised street accent dropping, and Julius’ formal speech returning, though he didn’t notice. “You have a… a watch too? Like mine?” Mother had carried around a similar watch to his, only gold compared to his silver one. And… it was broken now - the watch that mother had always carried around with her, cared deeply about, taught the young child how to care for it, broke. But Julius couldn’t even take it before running away - mother’s watch was under the watchful eye of his horrible father, so all the youngest child could get away with was just mere memories.

He dropped the hand that had been rubbing his face, revealing his irritated red eyes to stare at the strange person. Silver hair, kind of like his father’s… but bright, aqua eyes, kind of like… “…My mother’s…”

[novaeremnant]

“Yeah, she did,” Ludger responded, laughing a little self-consciously to himself as he shifted his weight again. His free hand went to his pocket, withdrawing once he had what he wanted in hand. “And, well, not exactly like it, but... pretty close, right?”

Really, when he was holding it like this, the golden pocketwatch seemed so innocuous. It fit comfortably in the palm of his hand like any trinket or heirloom would. No one would have guessed at the gravity of the matters tied to it.

“Hey, slow down a bit. Don’t know what you’re talking about, but I don’t think I ever knew your mother. Your parents, I mean. Mom was-” Afraid. Frightened, worried. “Was... distanced from the rest of her family.” And though she’d spoken to him about it, Ludger still only understood it in the abstract, painted only with the vague, broad-strokes explanations he’d been able to pull out of her. The way she’d spoken about it, it was as if it concerned someone else. Not them.

He didn’t try to understand their family politics, but not for the first time, he wondered about the finer details of their apparently-lengthy family history.

Still, he shoved past it and gave the kid a gentle grin, pocketing the watch again and tentatively giving the blond a pat on head. “I know she had a sister, and wasn’t on bad terms with her dad. But no matter what the case is, if you have a watch too, we have to be related somehow, right?”

[aseaofquotes]

Karen Joy Fowler, We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

Reversal

[waymarkerprogenitor-blog]

Julius shuffled, relaxing his hold on the pocket watch. For some reason, he felt he could trust the other to not snatch the large watch from his hands. His hands fell to his side, watch falling back to its place on his chest. “Me mum died,” Julius said, careful to not say ‘mother’ instead of mum – the street accent he spoke in was something acquired after realizing he was an easy target if he spoke the way he was taught back home. “Mum tol’ me ta keep the watch. Said it’s really special.”

He didn’t say anything about a father – let the guy think that his father was dead too, or something like that. It was close enough to the truth anyways. Father was dead to him. He was the one who killed mother. Sure, he may not actually have dealt the killing blow, but he made her fight that Chronos guy. It’s his fault. It’s all his fault!

Something wet landed on his hands – water? No, tears. Julius sniffed, lifting his glasses to rub at his eyes, trying to stop the tears from pricking them. He was a older now! He shouldn’t be crying like this! Boys don’t cry like babies! The blond child bit his lips, not wanting to cry like this in front of a stranger. He couldn’t help it though… he missed her. He really missed her!

He hiccuped, trying to hide his voice from the stranger. “I miss mother…!!”

[novaeremnant]

Ah. Well. He really should have been expecting that, given... everything so far. Really, what else had he been expecting? For the kid to have been kicked out or disowned, but still allowed to keep their shared family’s watch?

As if the rest of their family would so willingly give it up, if they’d been alive and able to do so. Ludger didn’t understand a good amount of the Kresniks’ politics, didn’t try to, but he knew enough. His own mother had wanted to keep him from all they entailed, after all.

‘I didn’t want that for you,’ she’d said, working at the worn hem of her dress. ‘I was afraid... I didn’t want that for my child.’

...Not for a child, huh.

He knelt down by the boy, carefully shifting the bag of groceries he held until it was safely within the crook of one arm, but didn’t make any other motions beyond that.

“Hey, shhhh. It’s okay. I’m sorry I brought it up.” His free hand came up tentatively and hung there in the air, unsure whether any attempted comfort would be welcome.

“Wanna hear a secret?” he asked softly, before continuing, “I miss mine too. And she also told me... she told me almost the exact same thing.”

[aseaofquotes]

[aseaofquotes]

Beth Hoffman, Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

[aseaofquotes]

Sonya Hartnett, The Ghost’s Child

[aseaofquotes]

Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca