I just remembered the login to this blog oh lord Life is busy as always, I deleted that whole thing about my grandpa but for anyone who might need a conclusion on that whole story: how the fire started will never be known. My grandpa was as good as ashes when they found his remains, they found a part of his skull and lung tissue which meant that he could be identified through a DNA match, but that was all. The journey to getting him buried was long, not a single thing went smoothly, the doctor even forgot to sign his death certificate at one point which caused lots of trouble for us. Everything that could have gone dickways about his passing did so honestly. Took months to get that old man into the ground because of laws, the issues with getting his death certificate signed, and a handful of other things. Even though he had basically cremated himself we had to cremate him a second time in a full size casket because the laws here are damn specific and make no exceptions. But the lady at the funeral home told us that she would bring it up with her higher ups because even though the case of someone having little to no remains left is very very rare for them, she agreed that there should be other options for people in our situation. Because paying about 300$ ( quick head currency convertion damn it’s probably more ) for a full size adult casket for parts that would easily fit in an empty milk carton is pretty damn bizarre and felt like they were laughing in our face. Like “ HAHA he COULD have filled this entire thing out but he’s NOT but you’re still gonna pay for it! “. We paid for it anyway since we just wanted it done asap. But now he has finally been put to rest and the ceremony was very nice, his resting place is beautiful. I struggle with art inspiration now that I somehow have time to start drawing again but I’m trying to find it again. Hopefully I’ll be a bit more stable now than before as I’ve received help for real for my mental health and I’ve been put on medication to help me manage. I’m sorting out my IRL friendgroups, I’ve come to the conclusion that because of my past experiences that started in my early teens I’m shit at socializing and always end up in a similar position as back with my ex because I have a hard time recognizing the boundaries of what’s my shit to carry and what’s theirs. But I’m trying my best to remember and not carry someone elses mental health only to have mine deteriorate... And not feel bad when I distance myself when I’m uncomfortable when people are starting to put their shit on my conscience. Aaand uh....try my fucking best to not have people fall for me and try to approach me romantically. Apparently being nice = being flirty when you’re past your teens and I can’t seem to wrap my goddamn mind around that detail. Which might have lead to me isolating from most of my social connections but that’s another thing we will work on soon enough. One piece at a time. To be honest around the time I stopped being active on here I made some very precious social connections but also some that didn’t do me well at all. Some that undid a lot of healing, and some that did damage that only built on what I was already trying to recover from. But I’ve finally finished school, I’m working the jobs I had before but I’m also trying out working freelance within my field of studies. So I’m trying to settle and be less chaotic in a bad way.