Offer medicine if we usually take it during an attack.
You might have to ask whether or not we take medicine- heck, some might not; but please, ask. It really helps.
                                                         WHAT YOU SHOULDNâT DO:
1. Say, âYou have nothing to be panicked about.â
We know. We know. We know. And because we know we have nothing to be panicked about, we panic even more. When I realize that my anxiety is unfounded, I panic even more because then I feel like Iâm not in touch with reality. Itâs unsettling. Scary.
Most of the time, a panic attack is irrational. Sometimes they stem from circumstances â a certain couch triggers a bad memory or being on an airplane makes you claustrophobic or a break up causes you to flip your lid â but mostly, the reasons Iâm panicking are complex, hard to articulate or simply, unknown. I could tell myself all day that I have no reason to be having a panic attack and I would still be panicking. Sometimes, because Iâm a perfectionist, I become even more overwhelmed when I think my behaviour is âunacceptableâ (as I often believe it is when Iâm panicking). I know itâs all in my mind, but my mind can be a pretty dark and scary place when it gets going.
Alternate suggestion: Say, âI understand youâre upset. It is okay. You have a right to be upset and I am here to help.â
2. Say, âCalm down.â
This reminds me of a MadTV sketch where Bob Newhart plays a therapist who tells his patients to simply âStop it!â whenever they express anxiety or fear. As a sketch, itâs funny. In real life, itâs one of the worst things you can do to someone having a panic attack. When someone tells me to âstop panickingâ or to âcalm down,â I just think, âOh, okay. I havenât tried that one. Hold on, let me get out a pen and paper and jot that down, you jerk.â
Instead of taking action so that they do relax, simply telling a panicking person to âcalm downâ or âstop itâ does nothing. No-thing.
Alternate suggestion: The best thing to do is to listen and support. In order to calm them down without the generalities, counting helps.
3. Say, âIâm just going to leave you alone for a minute.â
Being left alone while panicking makes my heart race even harder. The last thing I want is to be left by myself with my troubled brain. Many of my panic attacks spark from over-thinking and itâs helpful to have another person with me, not only for medical reasons (in case I pass out or need water) but also itâs helpful to have another person around to force me to think about something other than the noise in my head.
Alternate suggestion: It sometimes helps me if the person Iâm with distracts me by telling me a story or sings to me. I need to get out of my own head and think about something other than my own panic.
4. Say, âYouâre overreacting.â
Hereâs the thing: Iâm not. Panic attacks might be in my head, but Iâm in actual physical pain. If youâd cut open your leg, no one would be telling you youâre overreacting. Itâs a common trope in mental health to diminish the feelings or experience of someone suffering from anxiety or panic because thereâs no visible physical ailment and because thereâs no discernible reason for the person to be having such a strong fear reaction.
The worst thing you can tell someone who is panicking is that they are overreacting.
Alternate suggestion: Treat a panic attack like any other medical emergency. Listen to what the person is telling you. Get them water if they need it. It helps me if someone rubs my back a little. If youâre in over your head, donât hesitate to call 911 (or whatever the emergency services number is where you are). But please, take the person seriously. Mental health deserves the same respect as physical health.
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