A gateway blog. @ardatli - Tumblr Blog

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I've been writing novels for a while now, first with Samhain (RIP) as Tess Bowery, and now with Sourcebooks as Jennet Alexander. You can get them in hardcopy and as ebooks, at the usual major retailers.

Everything I write is queer, and some of it is explicit.

The Horny Historicals:

The Sweet Contemporary:

Buy them here:

Bookshop

Chapters / Indigo

Amazon

#book post #romance #lgbtq romance #yes all of them now #treading the boards #I kissed a girl

gay-lien-from-space

Hello fanfiction community,

Just wanted to bring to your attention that the term whump was actually coined by the Stargate fandom specifically to describe making this guy suffer. He is the original Mr. Whump (no that's not his actual name). That's how torturable this guy is.

Everyone say mean things about him.

Here is a non exhaustive list of what he goes through in canon btw:

His parents get crushed to death right in front of him when he is a kid

He is forced to relive the memory of his parents death countless times

He dies and gets resurrected

His wife gets possessed

He fails to save her and she dies in his arms

He dies and gets resurrected again

He gets infected by a virus that makes him act crazy and gets put in an insane asylum

He dies and gets resurrected again

His ex gets possessed

He is exposed to a lethal dose of radiation

He dies and ascends to a higher plane, then gets kicked out of the higher plane and his memory is wiped

He gets kidnapped by a princess

He gets kidnapped by a fish alien

He gets kidnapped and tortured by some terrorists

He gets kidnapped and tortured by another alien

He is driven to insanity by an alien device

He dies and gets resurrected again

archaeo-geek

Don’t forget:

-He’s an archaeologist and when we first meet him, he’s an outcast because nobody believes his theory that the pyramids are landing sites for aliens.

erinbowbooks

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

Misogynoir for cavemen

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

@wakandama2

memyselfnilene

he broke it down in its simplest form and they still won't get it ..

metanarrates

all women should be more hairy and sweaty and eat more food and laugh more loudly. my stance as a feminist and also my stance as a lesbian pervert

plain-flavoured-english

As a Greek, in response to the current controversy about Matt Damon being cast as Odysseus, I'd just like to share that one of the moments that changed my brain chemistry as a kid was reading a novelized version of the Odyssey and coming across the following description of Odysseus when Circe sees him for the first time and thinks he's hot: "his hair curled like a clematis and his eyes were very brown".

So may I present my own casting choice for Odysseus:

plain-flavoured-english

Excuse me???

ruffboi-mags

you are right and you should say it.

instantduckninja

Is this the face of a man who would put his own infant in front of a plow to avoid going to war?

Absolutely not

You know who would try that shit?

Is this the face of a man who would defy the very gods to get home to his wife?

You know who would defy the gods just to show he could get away with it?

fluffmugger

The last thing Penelope's suitors ever see:

sweaterkittensahoy

Fuck it. Bitch-Stitching that fucking Target bag. I have counted out rows and estimated size. I'll report back.

For now, you need worsted weight yarn, a 4.5 hook, and rage.

sweaterkittensahoy

Hour #1:

The worsted weight I'm using is thinner than the original yarn, but the measurements are coming out just fine. It leaves a little space between stitches on the bottom part. I expected this as the original bag is 100% cotton and likely made from dish cotton/kitchen cotton (aka Lily Sugar and Cream or similar). That would make the stitches press together a bit more on the 4.5 mm hook.

I'm taking a break between every hour-long section, which is definitely more than any artist making these for Target is likely getting.

sweaterkittensahoy

HOUR TWO:

AND HOUR THREE:

We are officially going into less than $10 an hour in labor if you're selling it for $30. Shocking no one.

Calling it a night on this particular project. I shall pick up this bitch stitch tomorrow.

sweaterkittensahoy

HOUR FOUR

Literally on the next to last row of the open stitch rows. If i were ONLY stitching and not able to also do something else, I could have knocked out the entire rest of the body of the bag in this hour, but I get to tweak my pace as I see fit. Which I assure you the people making these for sub-par wages in 12-hour work day stretches* don't get to do.

*This statement based on the following information: Target (and other big box retailers) import most often from China. While the government claims Chinese workers work a standard 40-hour week, this is widely understood to be bullshit. Chinese factory workers typically work what is known as 996. 9 am - 9 pm, 6 days a week. China DOES have labor laws, but they are regularly flouted by businesses, and the government doesn't give two fucks about its citizens, so they don't enforce shit.

sweaterkittensahoy

HOUR FIVE:

Okay, the body of the bag is finished and I'm nearly done with the straps. I suspect the straps are attached using machine sewing, so I am going to call the time to make this bag at 5 hours. What's left is about 15 minutes at most, and as I've said, if I was only stitching and not also watching something, I'd have worked this up a bit faster.

So, $30 for a crocheted bag that takes 5 hours. The workers creating these bags won't be considering cost of materials, since they will be provided, so it's $6 an hour for just labor.

BUT. We all know Target isn't paying $6 an hour for labor because they ARE concerned about cost of materials and the cost of shipping to stores.

ALSO BUT. I seriously doubt the crocheters working on the bags that will show up in Target are getting paid an hourly wage. It's common in Chinese factories (and other factories) for handworkers to get paid per piece rather than with a set wage. Which means the workers are probably under a quota system to make X number of bags in a single day or week in order to get the highest pay they can. And no doubt if they miss quota, they not only don't get their full pay but get punished by having a percentage of their paid wages taken as well.

Look, I know most of us reading this aren't shocked by any of this or surprised. But also, Target is not only harming workers but doing so with a pretty little stamp from a so-called ally to handworkers through the Nest certification. And they only got THAT after two years ago when people pointed out 35 bucks for a granny square vest was labor exploitation, and then last year, they tried the "Oh, it's machine crocheted" bullshit on items made in chain stitch on knitting machines, thus making the garments very easily destructible. So, now they're getting a bullshit cert to try and cover their asses again because they'd rather keep exploiting people's skilled work than actually try to do a tiny bit better.

Anyway. Here's a rough of the pattern. I'm going to make another bag with some Red Heart Super Soft because I don't have dish cotton, but that should give me an idea of what I might need to edit for a final pattern. When it's done, it'll go up for pay what you will on my ko-fi.

P.S. Fuck that hashtag

What you need:

4.5 mm hook

Worsted weight yarn (approximately 300 yards) - dish cotton will get you the best dupe, as the original bag is 100% cotton

stitch markers to mark increases

Instructions:

Note: I chose to join and turn at the end of each round. A join and chain without turning (spiral rounds) may get a closer result to the original.

The first round is worked around both sides of the chain.

Ch 65. DC in third chain from hook. DC in each chain to the final chain. 3 DC in last chain. Place stitch marker in second of 3 DC cluster. DC across to the first DC. 2 DC in same place as first DC. Place stitch marker in second of 2 DC cluster. Join. Turn.

Ch 3. Work even for 2 rounds, completing rounds with a join and turning work.

Round 4: Ch 3. 2 DC in first stitch. DC to the stitch before marked stitch. 2 DC in that stitch. 1 DC in marked stitch. 2 DC in following stitch. Work to other end. 2 DC in last stitch before the join. Join. Turn.

Round 5: Ch 3. Repeat increase row. Join. Turn.

Work even for 7 rounds.

Round 13: Ch 4. Skip next DC. (DC, ch 1) in following stitch. Repeat () around. On final stitch, DC, ch 1 and join. Turn.

Round 14: Ch 4. (DC, ch 1) in next DC. (DC, ch 1) around, working all DCs into top of previous round DCs. Join. Turn.

Repeat last round 18 times.

Trim: Ch 3. DC in each DC and chain space around. Join. Turn. Repeat round once. Fasten off.

Straps (Make 2):

Note: Straps can be made however long you want. This is just my best guess accounting for possible stretch during use.

Ch 101. DC in the third chain from hook and each chain across.

Turn. Chain 1. Slip stitch in each DC across. Slip stitch twice in side of first DC, then slip stitch across bottom of DCs. Slip stitch twice in side of final DC and join to first Slip stitch. Fasten off.

Attach straps to inside of bag. Weave in all ends. Be proud of yourself. Fuck Target.

sweaterkittensahoy

Made another one!

Red Heart Super Saver, so it's never gonna die.

Adjustments to pattern as follows:

Don't turn. You want to join the last stitch to the first stitch, then chain, then keep going on DCs. For the mesh rows, join the final chain stitch to the first DC, chain 4, then DC in next DC.

I have some wool leftover from the Banshees sweater I will be using to make a third bag and that will be the one I photograph nicely to officially put a pattern together for my ko-fi. It'll go up as pay what you will once the third bag is finished.

sweaterkittensahoy

A very cute market bag I 100% created because Target pissed me off by selling one for entirely too little for the artist who made it to make

Official pattern! Made a couple of tweaks from the one I posted above. Pay what you will. Go forth. Make bags. Fuck Target.

despazito

dreamsy990

baraphalloplastyclinic

I actually do think we should discourage women from becoming housewives. Do not become financially dependent on a man. That's how a lot of women ended up dead over the years. A man gets violent suddenly and you have to choose between homelessness or potentially dying at his hand because you have an enormous gap in your resume and no degrees or certifications or anything that will help you pursue a career that will allow you to be financially independent. He owns your bank account. His name is probably the one on the car. Try and leave and he can report it stolen. Where will you go then?

Don't become a housewife.

ladyfoxfire

And if you do become a housewife, take steps to protect yourself. Make sure you’re legally married, for starters; stay-at-home girlfriends have very little legal recourse to claim their partner’s assets in a breakup. Make sure your name is on the house deed/rental agreement, and have your car in your name, even if your spouse is paying for it. Have your spouse transfer money every month into an account solely in your name, so you can buy yourself things without needing permission, but also so you can save up to leave if needed.

If your spouse fights you on any of this, then don’t quit your job. The tradwife to poverty pipeline is real, and so is financial abuse.

dressedupliketheking

also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can

moniquill

taavicleric

My personal experience with being asked this question and then given that line, is that the neurotypical person expected you to feel shame. I have some slightly less anecdotal evidence to back up this anecdotal experience. I took substitute teacher training once, and we were told that the best thing to do with middle schoolers "acting up," was to shame them, to figure out how to draw attention to them and this negative attention in front of their peers would shame them into good behaviour, or at least silence. I raised my hand, having already distinguished myself as the "weirdo" of the group, and said, "Is this the reason I spent a lot of time in the principal's office for truthfully, loudly, and clearly answering questions like, 'would you care to share your thoughts with the class?'" And was told yes, that was a perfect example, but I was the rare case where it backfires.

Since then, I have responded to that type of question with, "Do you want an explanation, or was your intent simply to indicate that I need to feel inferior, right now?" and it does tend to turn the tables a little bit.

calmdowngorgeous

Destroy the myth that libraries are no longer relevant. If you use your library, please reblog.

bohemianaftersunset

fuckin’ love that place 📚

Congrats, Toronto. Good game. Happy for you.

#Nll

homoquartz

i’ve warmed up significantly towards the concept of small talk ever since i learned that its sole purpose is to make friendly noises.

as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”

small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.

i am motivated by wanting the other person to know i am friendly, so i have gotten pretty decent at small talk when i used to hate it.

piratedgender

themisally

soulren

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

NLL fandom needs to get bigger here on tumblr. Specifically, we need gifset makers, because I NEED a gif of Clarke Petterson doing that dumb little bird goal-dance from last Sunday's game. I NEED IT like breathing.

Also, T-40 minutes until game time! the Rock is going DOWN.

#nll #sportsball #who have I become?#I no longer recognize myself #but I'm going upstairs to put on my Bowhunter jersey #because that is what sportsball people do for playoff games #thunderbirds