Your not!local sapphic aroace disaster queer!
is it gay to platonically fall in love with the homies?
Currently on: figuring out how to queer
the partnering non-partnering binary
I finally got around to compiling some of my RA-focused writings (2020) and related ones (2018-2020) that deal with ableism into zine format for the sake of portability!
Relationship Anarchist Writings (2020) from a neurodivergent & chronically ill aroace
Formatted to be read on a screen, printed "as is" for "large print" or printed "booklet" style for a half-page sized zine.
With a bit of editorial framing (including the original context/purpose of each piece), the zine includes the following pieces:
Tension between framing things in terms of mental Health vs. Neurodivergence (in ace community) (Feb, 2018)
“Invisible” chronic illness as an “invisibly” chronically ill ace (March, 2018)
On “Monogamy” (Jan, 2020)
Exploring ableism in the context of “I choose to…”, “I’m prioritising…” and “I should…” language (Dec, 2020)
This is the 10th Anniversary Edition of "It's Not A Race." Originally released in August, this version is months late because the prospect of adding pages to what is easily my most read works was particularly daunting.
I wanted to post it again unattached to the original so I could display it the way it was meant to be seen.
Blessings,
-J
to a young relative, hypothetically... about "gender ideology" and (me) being trans
TLDR:
A big part of what it means to be trans is that people around us mostly can't understand or respect us for who we are because their gender ideology is too caught up in what our bodies are supposed to be, or what we're supposed to be because of our bodies.
I'm trying to build a world where people can understand and respect you for you are, whoever that turns out to be. A lot of people don't want me to do that.
*****
One of your mothers has been telling you that gender is an illusion, that there's no such thing as being "non-binary" and people claiming to be trans are delusional. She's been telling you that the “gender ideology” of us saying we are who we are... is dangerous for you, and to all other children. In some ways she's right.
(In the ways that gender is an illusion people have made real; in the ways knowing trans people exist might undermine her control over you and let you be your own person.)
Like so many other things, gender is an illusion that people have made real through their expectations and their violence. Our society has these sacred beliefs that there are 2 types of people-- “women” and “men”-- that are fundamentally different from each other, and that parts of people's bodies determine which type of person they are. Body parts dictate what people are supposed to like and be like, what they're supposed to do (and not do), and how they're supposed to interact with other people, and eventually, who and how they're supposed to love.
Our society's gender ideology reduces what it means to be a “good person” to being either a “good man” or a “good woman,” each according to different standards of how to behave, build families and communities, and contribute to the world. That gender ideology uses shame, hostility, mockery and violence to enforce these different standards on people based on what body parts they have (or body parts they believe they're supposed to have). Their gender ideology is how they control people.
Their gender ideology has taken this illusion called “gender” and made it real, hiding behind a taken-for-granted veneer of “naturalness” that keeps people from noticing that it's ideology, not nature. But some of us challenge the “naturalness” of their ideology just by being who we are, because we exist in ways they say are impossible (and therefore wrong).
A lot of people work well-- or well enough-- under their system of gender ideology/control: they already exist the way they are “supposed” to, or living that way isn't too hard. But that's not everybody.
Some of us work well within their system, but not at the “type” of person we're assigned to be based on our bodies—as the other type. Some of us are women or men, even if parts of our bodies don't match what their gender ideology says women's or men's bodies are supposed to be. Some of us aren't women or men at all, no matter what our bodies look like or contain. Some of us take steps to change our bodies or what we look like, for ourselves, or to make it easier for other people to make sense of us in their gender system. Some of us take steps to change our bodies to express who we are, even if most people will never understand, and tell us we're wrong. And some of us keep our bodies the way they are, even though other people don't understand and tell us we're wrong.
That's a big part of what it means to be trans. That people around us mostly can't understand or respect us for who we are because their gender ideology is too caught up in what our bodies are supposed to be, or what we're supposed to be because of our bodies.
They don't know how to judge what we do, how to interact with us, or what to punish us for—what version of being a “good person” we're supposed to live up to or if they're even allowed to think of us as (good) people at all. They can't understand the people we are and they label us wrong for it. And they get angry because we don't fit in their system of gender/control. Sometimes they get jealous that we don't submit to their gender ideology and its restrictions, because they do and they know it's limiting. And they worry that if children see that we exist, then they will know it's okay to be who they are inside, even if it doesn't conform to society's system of gender/control: their children will learn they don't deserve to be punished for being who they are.
You don't deserve to be punished for being who you are, not matter what body parts you have, no matter what you look like.
I'm trying to build a world where people can understand and respect each other for who they are inside, no matter what they look like or what their bodies are. A world where men can have breasts and women don't have to, but can have beards if they want. A world where a penis is just a body part and not some mystical dangerous thing. A world where people can access the medical care they want that makes their lives better-- accessible/affordable healthcare for bodies of all human colours, sizes, shapes, and dis/abilities. But also a world where people don't have to change their bodies for other people to accept them. A world where nobody is shamed or punished for being who they are or for what their body is or for what they look like. A world where people don't have to worry about being “good men” or “good women” just “good people.” A world free of their gender ideology.
I'm trying to build a world where people can understand and respect you for you are, whoever that turns out to be. A lot of people don't want me to do that-- including one of your mothers.
Enjoy the first 4 pages of my comic about friendship and the depth of platonic love, which I’ll be selling at the first edition of Pride In Panels this month (aspecs are you listening?)!
Find me at the San Francisco Main Library on Sunday, Feb 18th, from 12-5PM.
Welp, you all won’t believe what I stayed up to 2 am working on!
Anyway, have an aroace themed Project Hail Mary cover. I tried to keep a good chunk of the OG cover design (because I actually really like it) and just added in some fun additions to it~
Maybe one day I’ll actually be able to learn some book binding and actually put this on the book 😆. Hopes and dreams.
btw not all affectionate friendships are queerplatonic. platonic is not the same as queerplatonic. you can have a good friendship with someone and even cuddle and kiss and get married and have a child together and it can still be platonic (as in neither queerplatonic nor romantic). let people love deeply without requiring them to make it about partnership
oof, this is my first time drawing water, like, ever! I think it turned out alright. These are the sun and moon twins, Skoll and Hati, in the universe I’m writing!
An oriented aro ace person might also be in a relationship despite lacking attraction such as if they are cupioromantic ( see my other post)
There is also a term called Angled Aro Ace - This is for people who feel a tertiary attraction but aren't strictly Aro Ace (elsewhere on the Aro Ace spectrum such as grey or demi). However, most people seem to accept aro ace spec people as oriented too, so use the label that makes you most comfortable. Don't let anybody gate keep you.
anyways, alt text ( sorry that I have been bad at that recently)
