advice for pwNPD!

mod uses she/they pronouns

[npd-advice]

Greetings! This blog is dedicated to helping those with NPD by giving advice to each other.

How it works:

Send in an ask and the mod will give some advice, as well as encourage followers to give advice!

This could be anywhere from how to cope with crashes, how to get supply, and how to better deal with people!

Any topic is fair game, regardless of how "bad" it is. This is a place to unmask! Any hate will be deleted.

Advice requests will have different tags for the topics mentioned as requests come in.

About the Mod

✨TBA✨

[npd-advice]

i'm trying to be more mindful, patient, compassionate, selfless, etc. how do you keep up motivation/reward yourself for doing things others don't or wouldn't reward you for? like, i'm sure a lot of the things i'm trying to do would just seem like basic empathy or decency to most but for me i had to reel in a lot of rage and it took a lot of energy, so i want to be able to tell myself that it was important so i can keep it up despite literally no one else thinking or acting like it was

Hmm, this is a very good question. First of all: it's amazing you're going out of your way to be considerate to others, I understand how draining and fatiguing it gets, especially when no one understands how difficult it can be for us, so I want you to know I'm proud of you.

Now, I personally bribe myself with special snacks and drinks as a means of keeping my mood up. If I'm in a bad mood, or am too mentally drained, I simply cannot be bothered to mask or force myself to emote beyond what I actually feel so i give myself little morale boosters throughout the day haha. Special self care, like bubble baths with all the works, are another treat i give myself at the end of a rough, draining day.

Though, this is another one I'd love to hear others weigh in on, because there's many possibilities for this that I probably haven't even thought of. So if anyone has anything they'd like to include, please feel free! This is just my personal favorite ones lol.

[npd-advice]

this may be a dumb one but like

so i have an oc (they're currently my favorite) who is intentionally very npd coded, but is also high-key a rather shitty person. they have a whole cult n' shit and have slaughtered countless innocents, that kinda deal. granted! they do have legitimate reasons that they've developed like this rather than just "they have npd so they suck," and they also have some silliness that makes them feel less blatantly-pure-evil and whatnot. but at the same time they aren't really Good Positive Representation That Shows That PwNPD Can Be Wonderful Amazing People.

as someone with npd traits and a liking for messy characters that aren't always good people (and of course a bias toward my own creations that i fixate on), i don't really mind this. my issue is that i don't know whether this is actually considered insulting to ppl with npd/traits other than myself,,

basically i'd just like to hear some thoughts on whether my Fucked Up Creature is narc-approved or otherwise. if you or anyone else have any.

Your oc sounds awesome!

It's no one else's place but your own to decide, as a pwnpd yourself, if your oc is accurate to your (internal emotional, and mental, in this case) experience or not.

That being said, most of my own are quite similar: very messy and not good people. You're not the only one who really appreciates letting a character be flawed and a little (or a lot haha) evil!

[npd-advice]

Hello! While I am formally diagnosed with BPD and StPD/SzPD (docs keeps going back and forth on which one I have so I usually list it like that) but not with NPD, I do believe that I show a lot of NPD traits and would most likely meet the diagnostic criteria if someone was tasked with looking into it, and I would like to ask about something: I am wondering if it is typical for pwNPD to absolutely despise being ignored. Of course, most people would mind being ghosted or ignored, but I genuinely feel crash-out levels of...uh...rage I think? Disgust too maybe? every time. I try to control myself but sometimes when I get nothing but radio silence I tend to escalate to get any kind of reaction. Like if I am trying to communicate with someone because we are having an argument but instead of communicating they just leave me on read forever without as much as reacting with an emoji, I might progressively escalate my attempts to get them to stop "ignoring" me. Usually things that are self-destructive more so than destructive and I mostly have a hold on it these days but I still feel the urge every time it happens. I genuinely think that getting screamed at is preferable to being ignored for me. When someone is screaming at me, we're at least doing something, right? That's at least some kind of communication or whatever. When people are ignoring me, it feels like they're saying that I'm nothing, that I'm insignificant and that they don't find me worthy of their energy, and it makes me so goddamn mad and I always feel the need to either make them regret it or to prove that I am far better than they give me credit for.

At first I thought it might be due to my BPD but I don't think it is? I don't really notice myself splitting on the person in a BPD way during the whole ordeal, and I am never concerned with thinking that they abandoned me or left me when they're ignoring me. And a lot of the time it isn't about particular people, when I had my previous Tumblr account I would feel like that whenever I asked my mutuals about their opinion on something and none of them gave their damn opinion. Which is why I ended up deleting the account, because I felt like I was talking to a void and I thought that if the people who followed me couldn't appreciate my presence I'd just fuck off. Like boooo you don't deserve me and my banger essays and art. And yeah that just doesn't seem like a particularly BPD-like pattern? But some people diagnosed with NPD who I used to follow sometimes mentioned something like this, so I'm curious about it.

While it may be possible the reaction could, in some instances, be BPD, I will say this is a very familiar feeling to me in the way you describe it. A very offended, self-righteous rage that only escalates with time? Yes, especially over any perceived slight against me, no matter how insignificant. I'm no expert, I cannot diagnose you, but based purely off of my own anecdotal experience, I would say this sounds like something I, a person with NPD, experience a lot. And if you are as well then it may be something to bring up if you are currently seeing a professional, if you wish to do so.

[npd-advice]

Im making a npd blog can I tag you for reach?

Absolutely, I would be honored!

[npd-advice]

In need of supply yet none of my friends r online to give it to me, what to do?

(I have NPD traits but no diagnosis yet I hope it’s ok to send ask)

Anyone, regardless of age or diagnosis status, can send an ask here. As long as it's not something sent in bad faith, advice is advice and can potentially help anyone, anywhere.

Now, this is a tricky question because there are so many options. Everyone has their own unique methods of coping and getting supply, so I'd love for people to add their two cents and give advice and tips of their own! But for me personally, it's probably not super healthy, but if I'm in a very bad way and can't reach out to anyone I know, I start random arguments online and troll strangers on the Internet about stuff I don't care about (<= important distinction. If it's something you care about it won't work, it has to be something you don't give a shit about lol)

More traditional methods of coping could be doing some creative (art, writing/poetry, crochet/knitting, sculpting, ect) or physical (taking a walk, exercise, a quick and easy chore, baking/cooking, ect), or maybe something that's a little bit of both? Music is also a big one, and can sometimes help ride the tide until the waters are shallow enough to reach the bottom and stand again.

Again, this is NOWHERE NEAR a comprehensive list, so if others have differing strategies that they'd like to add, please do!

[npd-advice]

Hi! I was sent here from @/funnier-with-narcpd

I was wondering if it'd be alright if I sent in a few asks now and then, even if I don't have NPD. My girlfriend does, and I'm looking to learn more about it so I can better support her through crashes, her delusional episodes, and just general living because she struggles more than my knowledge can cover so far.

— should I take a tag? Can I be bf anon?

Yes, that's fine! As long as things are kept understanding and from a place of good intentions, I don't mind any questions you may have! Go ahead and send em in!

[npd-advice]

Hey so I have two days as a maximum limit for this ask as I have a psychiatrist appointment on Monday (it’s currently Friday night) and last time I brought up the possibility of me having npd along with my bpd and a bunch of other stuff he said he didn’t think I have it and that was it. No questions or anything.

So anyways the ask is for advice on how to prove that I most likely have npd and what resources and like I’m making almost like an essay thing for him to read?

Basically when I brought it up last time he said that everyone is a little narcissistic and my heart dropped cuz like- not this much?

Oh wow, that sounds very demoralizing, and like your psychiatrist isn't taking your concerns very seriously. Unfortunately I don't have much experience with the mental health field, but I hope others who do see this and provide Anon with the advice they need!

In my very unprofessional opinion, perhaps this psychiatrist just isn't the one for you? I understand it's very expensive and time consuming to switch, so maybe it's not possible for you, however.

[npd-advice]

slightly time sensitive, but if youre busy i understand :

so im finally attempting to get therapy, and i know that for it to work, i need to be as honest as possible. the therapist i found is specifically a psychotherapist / master of social work, not a psychiatrist or psychologist. by her own admission, she can NOT diagnose me with anything, nor prescribe me anything. obv she can break confidentiality if im a danger to myself or others, but that shouldnt be a problem. she said she can write a letter TO psychiatriats and etc if i want to go down the medication route, but if i were to do that, itd be for depression only and not all the other stuff

im really paranoid about this ruining my life. i cant have something awful on any sort of record. im too worried my family could find out somehow, or that itll fuck with me trying to get citizenship eventually, or any number of other things

so, am i missing something? if she cant officially diagnose me, im safe to say whatever right? as long as its not stuff that would force her to break confidentiality? i know shed keep her own notes, but those wouldnt be shared unless i committed a crime or something?

she directly said shes open to working w pwnpd and seemed understanding which is good but i dont know that i can trust a single declaration so im im trying to figure out if ive left some horrible vulnerability open

I'm nowhere near an expert, and myself have never interacted with a therapist, psychiatrist, or anything similar, so those who know more about this are very welcome to add onto what I'm about to say!

But, from what I understand, only official diagnosis goes on a publicly available record, and if she's legally UNABLE to diagnose you, and she's held to confidentiality, then no, nothing you say will affect your personal or social life unless it's something she's forced to report to authorities or you yourself choose to expose to someone.

[this-is-narc-joy]

‧ 𝄞⠀ helloo ,, this is a new blog for narcissists & our experiences, and especially our joy !! because narcissists, no matter how "evil", deserve & experience happiness & positive stuff as well. yay !

I could've sworn a blog like this already exists, but I can't seem to find any, so I decided to take matter into my own hands.

ok uh idk what else to say what do you say in these 💧

we hope you enjoy this blog and that seeing other narcs gives you some hope or will to keep pushing through if anything :) and yada yada trumpets sound confetti explodes & everyone claps 🎉🎉💫

tagging for promo : @funnier-with-narcpd @npd-confessions @npdculture @npd-advice

^_^ —⁠ ☆

[npd-advice]

This is a brilliant addition to the narc specific blogs niche. Welcome aboard, and wonderful to have you!

[npd-advice]

ok do any other narcissists struggle w having legitimately no concept of morality. like is this js a fun new symptom i get specifically for being cool or istjis a sign of something else like aspd bc i genuinely do not get it at all and its a little bit distressing. i want to be seen as good soooo bad but thats not gonna happen if my only internal reasoning for Why somethings bad is whatever has the highest chance of avoiding negative social consequences right. im tje performative final boss everyone keeps talking about btw sorru to spoil the surprise #noneofitsreal

I'm of course not a medical professional, so I have only my own accounts and those I'veu spoken to and personally know, but I believe this is a symptom of Cluster B disorders as a whole, because it's definitely a symptom i myself have as well.

For example, since I was young I've had an issue with sadism. As a child and teen I had no issue being intentionally cruel to others, and only stopped once it became harder to talk my way out of.

Would love to hear others' opinions on this one!

[itsvanity]

It generally sounds like a Cluster B thing, yeah. It may be low empathy, but it could also be a need for control or dominance, since I feel like outright sadism is more that compared to not caring (at least in my experience). So if you didn’t care about intentionally hurting others, the real issue could be not having that control. If you just don't care period, that's a bit harder to deal with IMO. I just tend to think of it as "I need people and in return I need to be there for them" and "it is logically best to not add unnecessary suffering and not following up on my own values is already weak". I think having that second reasoning is better, because the first would change depending on who you're around and also you'll be unreliable if you're performing, but I usually use the first reasoning if I just want to survive a situation and it'll be done soon. And I mean, if you have your own perspective, then you can find people with the same one and apply the first reasoning to them

[npd-advice]

ok do any other narcissists struggle w having legitimately no concept of morality. like is this js a fun new symptom i get specifically for being cool or istjis a sign of something else like aspd bc i genuinely do not get it at all and its a little bit distressing. i want to be seen as good soooo bad but thats not gonna happen if my only internal reasoning for Why somethings bad is whatever has the highest chance of avoiding negative social consequences right. im tje performative final boss everyone keeps talking about btw sorru to spoil the surprise #noneofitsreal

I'm of course not a medical professional, so I have only my own accounts and those I'veu spoken to and personally know, but I believe this is a symptom of Cluster B disorders as a whole, because it's definitely a symptom i myself have as well.

For example, since I was young I've had an issue with sadism. As a child and teen I had no issue being intentionally cruel to others, and only stopped once it became harder to talk my way out of.

Would love to hear others' opinions on this one!

[npd-advice]

Hi this is gonna sound fucking crazy probably but any advice on how to get past the need to steal someone’s OCs?

Not in my life anymore, can’t draw them without feeling like a piece of shit, but I also feel like I deserve to own the characters, which leads to the want to steal.

I won’t steal them, because I know better, but the fact the want is there at all bothers me a lot and I know I can do better than this

Well, depending on the level of exactness with which you're "stealing" them, this may be a non issue. I personally don't see an issue with taking inspiration from, or seeing a broad concept or character design element, and believing you could put a spin on it that was better in some way. If you mean you're copying the oc design down to the exact accessories they wear, then yeah that's a bit worse haha.

But, try to remember that the ideas that come from YOUR head are infinitely better and more creative, better thought out, ect, and that those OCS are unworthy of your brilliance. The ideas and creative pursuits that are wholely yours are brilliant in their own special way that no one else's could be.

[npd-advice]

For the anon who brought up maladaptive daydreaming about having power over others to feel something, I'd suggest looking into szpd and aspd as well since that kinda grandiosity can also happen pretty frequently in those as well.

Very good catch, wonderful suggestions!

[npd-advice]

not asking for advice here, but i wanted to say

we're a system and a small streamer that's very open about having npd (online, at least)

we have lots of friends, several acquaintances, and we have two partners, and every single one of them is aware of us having npd

and all of them still value us, care about us, and love us deeply

for anyone who's not out, in denial, and/or in an unsupportive environment, i promise you that there are people out there who Will accept you, who Will care about you and want you around

even if it takes a while to find the people who will treat you as you deserve, there's always hope

people will want you as you are, and will help you be the best version of yourself

you deserve stability and support, and i know that you'll find that one day if you haven't already

Very important message! Thank you for taking the time to say so!

[npd-advice]

I guess i also wanted to ask now that im starting to even acknowledge my symptoms if there's anything i can do about envy? Sometimes i start feeling slightly threatened over people making me feel like they're stealing my spotlight. That and also the constant feeling over needing to be the funniest and most memorable and charismatic person in the room or else i will start panicking over the thought of being ignored or people getting bored of me or replaced. I'm sorry i never talked about this directly to anybody so i don't really know how to word things if that makes sense

Unfortunately, this is my achilles heel, and I've yet to find a great way to cope with it myself.

My usual strategy is to completely detach and isolate for a while until the feeling fades, which can take anywhere from minutes to days. If it gets really bad and I need a physical outlet, I start finding stuff no one cares about to break. Throwing mugs and other ceramic or glass until they shatter, snapping pens and pencils, ripping up sheets of paper, ect.

Again, as I myself am not great at dealing with this, I would love to hear what strategies or ideas others have to try. I'm willing to try anything at this point lol.

[npd-advice]

I'm a host in a system and we have collectively bpd and npd (i was telling myself we had npd traits because i was unsure about it? But i ended up pissing off our npd symptom holders because we have multiple of those and they dealt with it for years) and I'm thinking, i was not really feeling well claiming *i* have npd while some of our other alters that have more of an overt presentation of their symptoms?

But today after i started looking into things more i feel like on my case as how our symptoms manifest through me as an alter miiight be more like covert? Ish? I'm not looking for a diagnosis through I'm just trying to see what to do about coming with terms to this.

I guess i was somewhat in denial for a while which in hindsight there were lots of signs to the point it's ridiculous and i also have been reflecting about how our environment affected us to have symptoms like this. I haven't been able to research much because of the internet being plagued of stigma against npd and personality disorders in general?

I guess I'm looking on advice on what should i even do from this point because I'm. Now what like iif i even mention having npd i feel like that would ruin my reputation or possibly put me in danger and get us attacked because now people know something new about us??? And i need to be likeable? I've been reflecting a lot about how these symptoms have been affecting me i guess. Yeah I'm here for guidance i suppose

Everything you're feeling is completely normal. I'd say the vast majority of pwnpd, especially those more covert, go through a denial period. A lot of narcs never come OUT of the denial period. I went through one, almost every friend with npd went through one, a lot of asks received on this blog and others similar mention having difficulty accepting it!

And it's totally understandable. Our whole lives are spent masking, even in our own heads, and trying to remove that mask even a little even just to acknowledge to ourselves that the mask even exists is really difficult.

My best advice? You don't have to rush it. You don't have to do ANYTHING you're not comfortable with, as long as it doesn't directly cause problems with the loved ones in your life. If never mentioning to anyone that you have npd makes you feel safer, do it! There's no harm in that, it's private information that only those you feel worthy should be privy to!