Idk

[nutinmybussy]

Do i start using this again

[catchymemes]

[rumpledspinster]

Warming her tootsies.

[everythingfox]

“My kittens first Christmas. She decided to climb to the top of the tree.”

(Source)

[scarresources]

(Transcript here)

The biggest thing is to remember that Survivors are still people. I know that rape is a hard thing to talk about. I know that sometimes it feels awkward, but the important thing is to remember that your friend is still your friend- and they just need you to be patient and care.

[scarresources]

[Image Description: Image is a four way venn diagram. Body is in Yellow, Orange is achievement, Red enjoyment, and Blue is Connection.

In Body by itself is: Showering, Stretching, Hydrating, Nourishment, Sleeping

In Achievement: Checking email, cleaning your room, Working on (school) work, Checking off something on a to do list, Finishing a chapter in a book.

In Enjoyment: Self Validation, Listening to a favorite play list, Eating a favorite snack, taking a break.

In Connection: Texting a friend, Face timing, Hanging out with someone, Calling someone, Talking to a coworker/classmate, Making brief conversation at the coffee shop.

Body+Achievement: Exercising, Cooking a Meal

Achievement+Enjoyment: rewarding yourself when you finish things, Pomo method.

Achievement+connection: Celebrating with a friend, watching a movie with someone

Body+Connection: Getting a massage, Getting a pedicure with someone, Cuddling

Body+Connection+Enjoyment: Eating with a Friend]

So another way to conceptualize Self Care is the BACE model.

Body, Achievement, Connection, Enjoyment.

And the idea is that when you start out you check in with yourself every day to make sure that you did things that meet each category- but as you get better, that you start checking in more regularly than that, whether it be four times a day or every other hour.

While, as seen above, there are many things you can do that can count as more than one, but it’s also important to make sure that you’re getting enough of the categories you combine if so.

It’s also important to recognize that  it’s different for everyone. You may feel an honest connection simply going to the park and eating your lunch outside- and nodding and waving to strangers as they pass. Someone else may not feel like they’ve made a connection unless they talk to someone they’re already fond of.

And either way is absolutely okay, it’s about looking at what works for you.

[scarresources]

Boundaries are a complicated thing- especially for individuals who have been through trauma or come from families that had poor boundaries. We first learn boundaries in our family unit and then it is briefly talked about in schools, but most people just assume that boundaries are a thing ‘you know’. People who have gone through trauma may have had good boundaries before, but find them disrupted while trying to recover.

This is meant as a bare skeleton on how to rebuild boundaries:

Physical Boundaries.

Consciously make a decision about who can touch you, where and how. Lay out both things that are okay- and things that aren’t. Boundaries are going to vary from person to person- but you could say something like:

‘I am okay with my friends hugging me but only if they do it from the front’

'I am not okay with anyone touching my neck’

'I am okay with people I’ve just met asking for hugs- but not with them touching me without asking first’

Boundaries are allowed to change too. Something you used to be okay with- might not be after trauma, or not on days that you’re triggered. If this happens, just talk to the individuals involved.

When someone violates a boundary- call them out.  A simple 'Hey, I really dislike being touched like that’ 'I’m not a big fan of hugs’. Once you’ve laid out a boundary- you can just call someone’s attention to it with a simple 'really?’ or 'We’ve talked about this’ 'You need to respect my decision on if I want to be touched.’

The best way to get someone to respect a boundary- is to say it in a calm but serious voice. Not angry but also not joking/nervously laughing. If you need to, physically take a step backwards to further reinforce the boundary.

Emotional Boundaries

Sometimes it can be hard to draw emotional boundaries because 'they need us’, 'they’re just acting out’, or 'a good friend would’.

Understand that boundaries are necessarily for everyone involved, and just giving in every time someone asks you for something isn’t being a good friend- it is being a doormat. Having boundaries isn’t selfish- it allows everyone involved to grow.

Figure out what being a good friend really means for you- and understand that the best boundaries are flexible boundaries.

which means that you can set a boundary of 'You cannot call me after 10 pm’ most of the time- and still be there should something come up that you feel it is appropriate to shift that boundary. Like, 'Usually it isn’t okay to call me super late- but you’ve been through some rough stuff lately, so it is okay if you call me when you need me right now.’ Or 'I usually wouldn’t handle you snapping at me- but I understand that  x is going on. But I am going to make you aware that it isn’t going to continue. I’m happy to be here for you- but you are not going to use me as an emotional punching bag.’

You’re allowed to put boundaries on how much you can help too, 'I’ll do what I can. but I can’t be there for you 24/7. It isn’t healthy for either of us for me to literally be your everything.’ and if you’re in that position- with a friend who is struggling, you can offer to help them find other means and other support- whether it be a hotline, a support group, or helping them make new friends… but you need to hold strong to the fact that you aren’t going to be 'on call’ all the time. That you are a person too, and you have to take care of yourself as well. This does not make you selfish- I promise.

Material Boundaries

Material boundaries have to deal with our things. Such as whether or not you’re cool lending money to friends, or letting them stay at your house.

A big problem with material boundaries is that people often have a check list of 'I can let so-and-so borrow stuff/stay over’ but they don’t set limits.

There is a big difference between someone spending a few nights on your coach because they’re only in the state that long, or they need a safe place to go too… and someone living in your house without paying rent for a couple of months.

and while there are some circumstances where you may permit that (helping a friend get out of an abusive relationship) there are others that you might not be.

And you are allowed to set those boundaries. It isn’t about how good of a friend you are. You aren’t failing someone when they need you most. You are setting boundaries that allow your relationships to survive.

It is also important to realize that if you have a friend that turns down things you offer- it is a boundary on their part. Sometimes people will try and convince someone to accept a gift or let them buy them dinner- and everyone needs to be aware that it isn’t cool to keep trying if someone is uncomfortable. A reason for this boundary may be 'I can’t afford to pay you back- and I was taught to never be in debt to someone’ to 'I am used to things like that coming with a price I can’t pay later on.’ and while on the first- you may be able to talk to them and be like, 'hey, I’m in a better position financially right now… so let me get you dinner. you can pay me back with the pleasure of your company’  but understand when a no is a no.

Mental Boundaries

Mental Boundaries come in two main forms- our absorption of other people’s ideas, and how much what they say affects us.

Mental boundaries can be telling that friend that is just a little too pushy about their politics, “Hey, I would prefer not to talk about politics at the dinner table.” or “You know what? I don’t have information about either side right now. So I’m going to read up later instead of making an opinion based only off what your can tell me.”

Mental boundaries are what allow us to come in contact with gross individuals and come away less hurt. It doesn’t mean that you’re never allowed to be effected by someone calling you a slur, or someone making comment on your worth- but they’re what allow us to say 'They might think I’m (unpleasant thing) but 1. their opinion does not matter to me and 2. I have all these reasons I know otherwise/ people that believe otherwise. I shouldn’t let this hurt me.’ Setting a mental boundary doesn’t mean not calling people out who spout cruel things, or that you have to sit around and listen to it though. Play it safe and take care of yourself.

….

The thing about boundaries is that usually, they are found through bumping into them. Most of our boundaries are things we’ll never speak aloud because usually we don’t need to. (Think of it this way- you probably don’t have to tell your friends that it isn’t okay to punch you. Because this is a generally understood boundary.) People don’t sit down when they meet and go 'Hi- I am so-and-so and never touch me here here and here, and never bring up this and never ask to do so and so’ and it would probably be a little weird if we did that about everything.

But when something is a strong boundary- such as a trigger, it is perfectly okay to bring it up before the boundary is bumped. Just a 'Hey, I know this might sound weird, and you’d probably never do it- but I have a really bad reaction to people touching me without my permission and I’d rather put that out here now’

And a verbal/written call out of boundaries is the best one. while we should try and be conscious of people’s body language/ unvoiced cues- sometimes they can be hard to read or people don’t notice them.

[kristina100000]

equality

[localadmin]

Is this real.

[iraprince]

the mood of all my mental health stuff is basically jsut

[straycatj]

皆さん……

皆さん……オレは…

できごころで…

「きゃっとにっぷ亅をたしなみたいと言ってみたのです……

そしたら…「きゃっとのぱーすにっぷ」にされたのです！

Everybody... Everybody listen to me... I just asked my landlady I'd like to taste some "catnip"... Then she makes me a "cat parsnip"!!

あんまりなのですι(｀ロ´)ノ

How poor I am!

[nutinmybussy]

I’m making money why am i stressed!!

[nutinmybussy]

I hate boys!!!!!! He literally said he wasnt the bf type and i said im just looking for a casual thing and it was nice and now hes ghosting me probably because i texted a fuckboy message asking to hang out?????????? But literally this is what u signed up for???? I hate boys!!!

[zanabism-deactivated20200529]

if impoverished brown soldiers from a foreign national army invaded your town and killed your loved ones while obliterating all traces of the place you once called home…would you defend them by saying “well…none of these guys could afford college so they had to join the army” ?? would you do that?? 

army bootlickers please respond would love to hear some thoughts 

[babybear]

so you’ve probably seen the post going around detailing the horrific human rights abuses in what are, undeniably, concentration camps in the US…. accompanied by the suggestion that the only thing you can do is call your senators.

it’s unfathomable to me that someone would see we have actual nazi death camps in our country, and think the solution is writing to the politicians who allowed it to happen.

i have yet to see a post on any social media that has meaningfully helpful suggestions for how to get involved, so:

this article offers a number of suggestions including getting involved with your local chapter of Sanctuary Not Deportation, which connects faith groups to offer sanctuary to immigrants fleeing ICE. it also has a comprehensive list of immigrant-lead organizations to get involved with or donate to, as well as a link to crowdfund for detainee’s phone bills, which allows them to contact their families, legal counsel, and inform the outside world of the realities they are facing in detention.

here is a link for finding detention centers near you. there are many rallies directly outside of these camps you can participate in, and physically going to them is crucial in liberation efforts.

posting bond for detained immigrants is still one of the best ways to get people out of the death camps, even though ICE is increasingly unwilling to participate. the linked article has a list of both federal and state-by-state bail funds/organizations.

host a refugee if you have the room. Room For Refugees is still trying to build a network in the US. keeping people out of ICE’s grip and preventing detention in the first place is the best thong we can do because these camps are becoming more and more impenetrable.

help the legal organizations helping immigrants near you; if you’re anywhere close to NYC the New Sanctuary Coalition needs volunteers/donations, and if you’re on the border get involved with Texas Civil Rights Project.

on top of free legal aid, the NSC specifically also organizes rapid responses to ICE raids, which is one of the most importang things you can do – there are many local networks already in place, but here is how to organize a rapid response network if your city doesn’t have one.

one of the easiest things we can all do is learn the rights of immigrants in this country, and how to react to ICE raids. spread this information to everyone you know and keep the toolkit in easy access on your phone.

the only government policy that can make an immediate and tangible impact is municipal policy; push your local politicians to support or build sanctuary city initiatives – here is a toolkit for local political action.

finally, get involved with local antifa and leftist orgs! follow their social media to get updates on calls to action and protests happening near you. i cannot stress enough how important it is to be aware of efforts in your own city. antifa international’s tumblr is one page you can follow, but please research the orgs specifically in your area that are fighting the rise of fascism. the torch network has a list of chapters in several cities around the US, but again this is just a place to start.

i encourage everyone to find at least ONE thing from this list you can do, beyond donating. i know we are all stressed and have our time/energy zapped by capitalism, but if we do nothing, nothing will change. and please share these links wherever you can – copy and paste this post or at least share the first article i linked.

fascism is here, NOW, and we need to step up, because no one is going to invade us to free the camps this time.

[catsuggest]

it is bedtime o'clock evorybody !

pls get into bed & become sleep now. good nighte !

[abcsofadhd]

How to start things (visualization)

When I’m having difficulty starting work (doing something), I feel myself trying to not even think about the work. I now understand that my mind is doing it to avoid feeling bad about it.

I’ve mentioned that our Learned Helplessness and anxieties make it even harder for us to start/do things (on top of our Executive Dysfunction). 

To get past procrastination, the anxiety/ LH and even the executive dysfunction, I’ve noticed that visualization works the best.

Visualization, as the name suggests, is thinking about (or visualizing) a task or a goal in your mind.

With ED, the mind sees the entire work as a whole and doesn’t know how to begin (executive function of initiation). With visualization, you can make up for it.

With anxiety, your mind has an automatic habit of avoiding thinking about it. You can unlearn this bad habit by forcibly visualizing it.

I’ve been using it recently, and I’ve found myself taking less time to start working on something. 

The more details you have in a visualization the more real it will seem, and the more it will increase performance as the brain starts to develop neural connections that result from the repeated visual image along with enhancing motivation which increases the likelihood of taking an action toward your goal.

[antoine-roquentin]

i’ve been seeing a post going around that blames a resurgence on anti-semitism on south park specifically instead of the fucking militia movement in the 90s, and i thought it was just tumblr having its usual obsession with media and representation over actual historical materialism, but then i saw one saying that media is always responsible for the rise of reactionary thought and blaming the rise of the second wave of the kkk on birth of a nation and the rise of nazism on nazi propaganda films, and now i’m getting annoyed because people are getting the wrong idea. fascist militias always start with demobilized troops who are submerged in nationalist propaganda during the war and desensitized to killing, but aren’t able to integrate back into an economy, often because of crisis. media is only a reflection of the crises of the times, it doesn’t cause it. 

sure, the second kkk was started the year birth of a nation was released. it didn’t have any membership to speak of outside atlanta though until 5 years, later, 1920, when ww1 soldiers were coming back and america was in the midst of the depression of 1920-21. birth of a nation’s tickets had been sold at the modern equivalent of 50 bucks a pop, more an event for the elite than for a mass audience. people were also pretty familiar with the racist dunning school interpretation of the civil war that the film was based on, given that the film itself used quotes from the works of well-read historian and president at that time woodrow wilson. they didn’t need birth of a nation to give them a bullshit historical revisionist account glorifying the kkk, they’d heard it already. all birth of a nation did was give william j simmons the idea of starting a frat to harass people with costumes and burning crosses for his rich ass friends.

nazi propaganda films didn’t even really exist until the nazis were already in power and had a ministry of propaganda to finance them. german cinema in the 1920s reflected the depths of both right and left wing thought, but certainly not driving it. they reflected what was going on in germany, which was a flourishing of working class culture at the same time as white collar workers saw higher than average unemployment and the rich saw greater working class militancy as a threat. it was the great depression and a mass base of ww1 veterans, already indoctrinated into fascist thought, that brought the nazis to power. 

and in the 1990s, it was troops returning from the gulf war and the early 90s recession that fed into the militia movement, which dealt heavily in anti-semitic tropes, 5 years before south park ever aired. 

[oligopsoneia-deactivated2018051]

reblogging mostly for the substance, but question I’ve wondered about for a while: all of the above is consistent with the experience of other countries, but America is almost unique in having a fascist (very broadly speaking) movement that was more successful in the 1920s than 1930s, and this despite having no irredenta (which you’d expect would calm down the 20s) and one of the worse depressions (which you’d expect to heat up the 30s). What’s up with that? I haven’t been able to find much comparative lit on this talking about America vs Europe specifically, beyond more general Anglo immunity claims and more specific accounts of how the second KKK fell down from a bunch of internal corruption scandals

[antoine-roquentin]

in many ways, it’s because FDR WAS the fascist leader a lot of them desired. in a time without new left cultural issues, when america remained committed to excluding non-WASP immigrants to varying degrees, and when the Democratic Party still supported segregation except for minor overtures to black voters in swing states, yellow state-led/fabian socialist-type programs could look indistinguishable from fascism to a lot of people. remember, socialism at this time was more a by-word for populism than the more specific left wing meaning it has today. even napoleon iii called himself a socialist in that famous quote. fdr’s economic programs were quite successful at integrating the economic strata that would often provide the foot soldiers for fascism into his support coalition. a whole bunch of the “southern agrarians” artists worked in new deal departments for instance. many of his big backers even were fascists. charles coughlin started out supporting FDR. hugo black, one of fdr’s key senators, was in the kkk till 1925 and wrote the decision supporting japanese internment while on the supreme court. hp lovecraft voted roosevelt and even called himself a socialist at the end of his life (“I can the better understand the inert blindness and defiant ignorance of the reactionaries from having been one of them. I know how smugly ignorant I was.”). hugh johnson, head of the national recovery administration, gave everybody at work a copy of one of mussolini’s favourite economic pamphlets. huey long is often considered fascist and supported the new deal. robert moses was a massive racist and planned out new deal projects in new york accordingly. a lot of these people got purged by 1936, but some stayed on. even some of the new dealers who were big left wing socialists also flirted with fascism. rexford tugwell, one of the most important brain trust members, supposedly admired fascist italy when he visited. and in general, a whole bunch of people who might have turned into big fascist leaders just joined the army and ended up fighting in ww2 instead, like douglas macarthur and curtis lemay. ww2 really stopped a lot of fascist types from being able to speak out except for the super hardcore ones. you can see that in macarthur’s 1944 presidential run not really taking off. 

on the other hand, you definitely did see fascist activity in the states, often allied with the big business wings of the republican party and used against working class movements at this time. in general, they didn’t let things get out of their control the way the german bourgeoisie did with hitler, with the business plot maybe being the closest opportunity for that. there were also german american groups with sympathies to the nazi party itself, which did well with germans and some old russian white emigres, but its efforts to appeal to others, generally by entryism into pro-peace orgs, kinda fell flat (except for a bit around 39-41. america first was probably the biggest fascist group of the 30s, although it wasn’t entirely fascist). you still had some big white capper groups, like the black legion had 135,000 people in it. really, a lot of it was from the general collapse of the center. nazi groups could feed off of disillusionment with centrist bourgeois rule in places like germany that failed to put up strong pro-working class programs, and the consequent splitting of the left vote between the centrists and the communists. in america, it was either allying with the fdr new dealers, whose electoral machine really rolled over any right wing efforts to counterattack, particularly because of the more minor left wing parties like CPUSA and the militant unions like the CIO that were willing to do the real fighting on the ground against corporate goons and give average workers a real class consciousness, or with the republican business types, who lost over and over again for the entirety of the 30s. 

[nutinmybussy]

Wow i stumbled upon my lj from 2010 2011 and wow... this autism...