The sincerity of Dorian’s statement completely took him aback. Suddenly it seemed as though this was much more than just a breakup. Like Dorian was, in fact, used to being alone and this was more like validation. Jack was no psychiatrist, but he’d seen a few in his day. He could almost see what was going on here. Still, Dorian seemed the type to have tons of friends. He saw how his fellow students practically threw themselves at him. Perhaps he wasn’t as superficial as originally thought.
“I won’t need to leave here for a couple hours. I have no problem with you spending your evening with me.” Jack was truly lucky that there had never really been any point in his life where he’d been alone. That being said, he could sympathize. Those he was closest to hadn’t been so lucky.
“Emotionally unavailable, hmm?” He capped his grading pen and removed his glasses he wore for teaching, finally accepting the fact that no more work would be completed that evening. “I can’t say I know what that means, either… Not that I’m any authority on relationships.” He’d only ever been in one relationship, after all. If his partner was being emotionally unavailable, it usually meant he was stressed or worried.
“But when I hear that, I think that he thinks you’re either hiding something from him or that you don’t trust him enough to open up completely. Would you ever want to date someone who is obviously hiding something?” He folded his arms across his chest and heaved a sigh. “You say you don’t want to be alone. When was the last time you dated someone? Before him, I mean… Have you consigned yourself to the thought that you’re meant to be alone? If you truly believe that, then it would surely take some work to open up to someone.”
Dorian’s laugh could be described as nothing less than maniacal. Jack found himself staring unblinkingly, finding the act akin to something out of a horror film. He half expected flies to start crawling out of Dorian’s gaping, laughing mouth.
Once they’d both regained their wits, he spoke, “I think you’re wrong, Mr. Gray. Love works in mysterious ways. There is nothing about you that would make you impossible to love.”
“Thank you,” Dorian murmured. He could go back home. He didn’t have to be alone there. He could go home and throw a party, fill the place up with people and alcohol, but it would mean nothing. He’d still be alone, surrounded by people who didn’t truly know him and never would, never could. It wasn’t the same. Granted, Jack didn’t truly know him either, but Dorian had a feeling that the patient professor understood far more than he might realize. After all, he had studied the very story of his life.
He grunted around a sip of his drink, making a face more at himself. He did understand it- what emotionally unavailable was supposed to mean. At least, Dorian thought he got it. As Jack mentioned not opening up to his boyfriend, well, he hit the nail right on the head. Dorian tilted his head, considering the question. “Of course I wouldn’t. But I also know that there are often secrets which one cannot share with even the closest of friends or lovers. There are sometimes secrets in one’s life which no one could ever understand.”
He straightened a little, pouting as he squared his shoulders. “I am always dating someone. Or fucking someone. I’m rarely alone.” And that was the truth, but it also meant it was rare for Dorian to have any kind of real connection with someone. “No one really wants me to open up to them. They like my looks. They want to own me.” He flicked a curl from his face and took another sip from his glass. “That’s all.”
Dorian snorted, then giggled this time. He finished the glass again and lowered it to rest on his thigh. “Don’t be so naive, Professor. Surely you know that some souls are far more rotten than anyone can see.”
