Ok so, i just want to ramble a bit about the silly guys in our head (idk if that's what they prefer to be called, but oh well) it's almost midnight let's go baby!!
Cause like, I can definitely argue for them being there, and popping in to talk in my thoughts. It feels like I can feel them standing behind me?? Like when you picture yourself, and can see yourself from a third person, they're there with me.
Carl has been around for a while, since at least 9th grade (6 years???) he used to be able to say stuff, either small stuff to interrupt me, or sing random songs about his life. I don't remember how to let him do that anymore. He's way more quiet than he used to be, but he's coming back. I was gonna say I missed him, but that would give that fucker to much joy!!! (He laughed at me >:/) Idk he's weird. He's just kinda around, has a lot of lore, but it seems he's settled on a form. He tends to hangout, and comment on my internal dialogue. He's kinda like a companion I guess?
Alice/dolly (she switches) she feels kinda like a fragment of me, who's grown? I think she might come from how I used to view my personality due to loving "Sanders sides" (10/10 series on YouTube) she represented my "anxiety". I think she's grown a bit from then. But she was always the one I could picture talking to me in my head. And now she still kinda does. like it feels like she's standing behind me, telling me stuff to watch out for, or sometimes just chatting. I like her, she's an emo bunny. She's me but not really anymore, but still kinda??
Maddie/Madison (I think??) is strange, I think I could argue she's been around a bit. She's kinda also a sanders sides fragment thingy?? Just, not really anymore. Kinda like wearing the skin of one (that sounds way worse than intended) she reminds me of the one for "logic" and she presents herself as that. "My logical part of my brain" my "common sense" but I'm not sure anymore. I think she tries to get me to repress stuff?? She's been very against this whole "plurality" thing, saying it's not real (making me doubt as I write this) I think she might also be connected to the way I always feel so completely disconnected from the body and my feelings whenever I get upset/cry. I start to think of something, get completely overwhelmed by feelings and start crying. And suddenly I'm completely conscious, not really feeling anything, and someone in here is yelling at me "why are you crying?!!? You have no reason to be crying!?!" And like?? Idk?? Also she's got a top hat but no face.
Those are the ones I've noticed so far?? Idk. Btw Carl keeps teasing Maddie and Alice. Saying they should kiss. (I think someone just left?? Things got a lot clearer???)
Does any of this sound reasonable?? Is this something anyone can relate to??? Have you felt what I've felt?? Am I just really good at lying to myself??
Good night
