Hi, what are some non-sexual things your partner does/says to show his dominance and control/ownership of you, in that casual way in regular every day situations and how do they generally make you feel?
Mostly he just tells me what he wants me to do or how he likes for me to do things or tells me what our plans are. Which is mostly subtle stuff that wouldn’t be noticeably D/s to others but it’s because we both know that he gets to decide things and that most often we do things his way that makes it feel like D/s when he tells me these sorts of things.
He might tell me how to pack a suitcase as we are getting ready to go somewhere. Like ‘make sure you put the shampoo bottles in Ziploc bags. Use this bag for your clothes and meds and this bag for electronics.’ Basically in any scenario he just gets to be bossy (though he doesn’t usually sound bossy).
He asks me to cook for him or bring him drinks regularly.
He watches our rules and holds me accountable to them. Most of the time he creates the rules as well. (with my consent of course).
He’s really aware of my emotions and tries to read my body language and just stay emotionally present with me as much as reasonably possible in the real world. Sometimes when he reads me really well (like knowing I need to vent or cry despite me trying to act like I was fine) it makes me feel the most owned because he knows me so well.
He usually when we are going somewhere. “We’ll leave for the party at 6.” and if we have plans he organizes it. Like the other day we knew we were going shopping in the morning but he got me out of bed and told me what time he wanted me ready to leave.
At various times over the years when we have struggled financially, he’s taken it as his responsibility to bring in more money.
Whenever I share dreams or goals with him he’s always my biggest cheerleader.
He guides me related to my own health like telling me to take an allergy pill if he hears me sneezing or sniffling.
If I’m worried or having a problem he tries to help me find solutions. With literally anything and everything. My phone is giving me some error or I’m overwhelmed by something going on with my sister? It doesn’t matter, if I have a problem he tries to be available to help however he can and/or however I want him to.
He holds my hand in parking lots.
He often tells me where he’d like me to sit when we aren’t at home (like pointing to te part of the couch where he’d like me to sit when we visit someone else’s home).
He gives me ‘the look’ if I have an attitude or am pushing the limits.
He tries to put my needs first. For example if he’s really tired but i’m really struggling emotionally he’d stay up to help me calm down.
If I’m about to do something he doesn’t agree with or doesn’t like he tells me no.
He just looks out for me and guides me in general like telling me to wear my seatbelt or giving me advice on how to prep for things that make me nervous. Or pointing it out to me if he thinks I’m being a pushover with others.
He invites me to sit on his lap when i’m needy.
Sometimes if we roll over in the middle of the night at the same time he’ll pat my butt.
He pinches my cheek when he kisses me goodbye or goodnight.
He encourages me to share my emotions and heart with him.
Yesterday he told me “calm down.” when I was overwhelmed and it occurred to me that if literally anyone else said that to me I’d want to stab them with a fork. But because he is him it didn’t piss me off. I took a deep breath and while I was still struggling with feeling overwhelmed I kept repeating his words to me ‘calm down. Calm down.’ until I actually did calm down.
I think most of the time most of his dominance just makes me feel loved. But my reactions to different aspects of his Dominance can range a lot depending on the situation and my mood. He can make me feel owned, small ( in a good way), frustrated, proud, free, peaceful/relaxed, calm, excited, horny (yes the non-sexual stuff has that reaction sometimes), just ordinary/normal/neutral, guilty/naughty, insecure, confident. I think his dominance (and/or his control over me) can make me feel just about every feeling possible at different times.
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