o||o

[o-ll-o]

it's September 12, 2025 12:20 am

Reading back on my posts here, there's a lot of 'I wish' but I almost always do nothing about it. Today I'm writing about the risk I'm taking and I'm hoping it's for the better.

It's a leap of faith towards a better future even if I'll have to endure some horrible things from a horrible person. But if it can give me a more stable life. A more comfortable income. I have to do it, right?

We burned out our creativity. But it's still there. I can feel it. It always begs to be released. But drawing takes so much effort now.

But I know we'll get the engine going again. Hopefully this time, we'll take better care of it yeah?

I love you, I say that to everyone but myself.

I need to start that change somewhere.

Hey future me reading this, let me know if it worked out, yeah?

[o-ll-o]

I wish I c ould just pull away rfom everyone and just disappear, I have no energy to socialize again and talking with people just makes me feel worse like everything I do is wrong. my girlfriend is the only thing that makes me feel okay right now but I don't want to burden her with me.

[just-a-humble-garbagecan]

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[o-ll-o]

I wish I could have a therapist so they could explain why I keep doing this and how to stop doing this

this pertaining to putting everyone above myself to the point that I make the other person so uncomfortable and I don't know how to fix it because how I fix things is the problem. I'm just too much.

I'm too much and never enough.

I guess I'm just not meant to be in relationships. I'm better of being everyone's friend. I don't deserve love because love makes me unravel and the ugliest parts of me are so hard to love. It's hard to love someone so unstable so I think it's best if I begin to learn how to let her go because she doesn't deserve to be shackled to someone so broken.

She deserves a good man that can give her the world.

I can't do that.

[o-ll-o]

I wish my brainn would shut up

Its been forever since I poeted on here because I technically have a little vent box in discord but this is public so maybe someone someday will read this when I'm gone

Inwish to disappear from eberyone's lives

I feel so useless and worthless and no one will even miss me when I'm gone

I'm easily replacable

So easy to miss, you'll barely even feel my absence

Im so tired of my braint ryong to kill me

So tired of trying my best not to offend anyone but I end up soing it anyway

So tired of trying to do better but always falling short

So tired of being so dumb and useless

Im tired

I want to rest

Can I please just rest

[o-ll-o]

[o-ll-o]

almost a year since our last post, we’re doing just a bit better but, it doesn’t feel like much honestly.

we’re so lonely but can’t trust ourself enough to get into a relationship haha

it’s sad

[o-ll-o]

Hey Todd, it’s Toby

I know another name change right? But it sounds alright.

We get better. Just a little bit. We’re trying our best! We’re doing tomogacci with the Teddy, Steph, and Zo.

We’re working on it.

We’re learning korean.

Mamamoo is one of the best things that’s ever happened to us.

Reading back on all the things I’ve posted here hurt me a lot.

It threw me back to those dark moments, but now back down the hole.

Just know it does get better. Even by a little bit. We’re getting better okay?

Just keep holding on okay?

One day you’ll come back to read this again and I hope you smile for the better and maybe leave another entry on how it all got better okay?

okay.

[o-ll-o]

Lately everything I say feels to be the wrong thing

[tovanori]

Keep reading

[cosmicoffee-deactivated20170820]

[o-ll-o]

I hate my room I've associated it with all my breakdowns and weakness and how much I always think of wanting to die while lying down on my bed in the dark. It's where the intrusive thoughts are the loudest. It's where they're most aggressive. I hate my room. It's where the monster lives.

[o-ll-o]

Man I really want to die today

[tovanori]

who is that?

[o-ll-o]

grow up

[o-ll-o]

And all you do is make people feel sorry for your manipulative ass

[o-ll-o]

I’m a useless horrible person who’s been nothing but a failure all their life