One knock-on effect of Noel's LA disappearance and a few other skirmishes, including a punch-up with fans on stage in Newcastle, was that Oasis now had a security guard, a staunchly posh ex-army parachutist called Iain Robertson, who was tasked with maintaining discipline and safety around Oasis on the road. Practically, it meant that he spent a lot of time trying to track down Liam and Noel Gallagher, who toyed with him like small boys with a magnifying glass terrorising ants. As we spoke, we saw Robertson jogging down the road looking frantically in the windows of neighbouring bars and bistros. 'Oh, watch out,' said Noel. 'Here comes that twat from Sandhurst in the cowboy hat.' Robertson stormed in and begged Noel to come to the official drink. All the band were there and it was secure. He had been given just one task by manager Marcus Russell and that was to make sure everyone was safely in the same place. Noel took pity on him and went to the bar. … At 6 a.m. I decided to call it a day and left the bar with Emma. On the way back to the hotel she loudly described in detail all of the things she'd come to understandably dislike about me from twenty feet behind as dawn broke weakly upon Pigalle. I put her to bed and lay down beside her, muttering pathetically ... I was awoken at 10 a.m. by the room's phone. 'Morning, Ted, sorry to wake you, old chap,' boomed Iain Robertson down the line. 'Noel's not with you is he?' I checked the room. No, Noel Gallagher is not in my hotel room. I could hear the air being deflated from Robertson down the line. 'Fuck. Where is he?' I repeated Robertson's question back to him. 'Not in his room and not in any of the band or crew rooms, either. He's missed lobby call and we have to leave for Marseille now. Balls. Gotta go, if you see him get him to call me or Maggie please.' [a week later, in the Kensington Hilton, before doing the 'Hic Parade' NME feature] ...I asked Noel what had happened in Paris. He gave his only sheepish reply of the day. 'I woke up in the right room, but on the wrong floor,' he explained, unbelievably. He said he'd been able to catch a flight in time for soundcheck all the same. 'And I totally shat up Iain Robertson, so bonus.'
—post-Oasis's gig at La Cigale, Paris November 4th 1994 | as related by Ted Kessler | Paper Cuts: How I Destroyed the British Music Press and Other Misadventures | Chapter 12. Down and Out in Paris and London
[champagne toast] [angel dust]
