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@obastien
Hey, this is pretty important to me ( and a bit embarrassing) but I haven’t been all that great with school and my job, but I need to ask for help if possible. I haven’t been able to pay my bills or even buy food properly for the last two months, and my student loans still haven’t come in yet. I just need a little help for now. I have a paypal if anyone is able to send me 1$ or anything. If not it’d mean a lot for people to just reblog this.
you ever feel so stressed you feel like puking?
update: hi hello. so school is uh going. my mental state eh declined for other reasons. eh but i hope to write soon maybe tomorrow and more likely tuesday and thursday.... hell maybe wednesday but not likely..
ok new development. I’m now in a neuroscience class. [ woo! ] but I’m thinking with my current subjects I’m definitely gonna new to focus. So I ask you all bare with me. I most certainly wont be here often, but when I am please know I will put in my best effort with talking to you via IMs and in writing replies and starters.
If it says I followed you or unfollowed and refollow later... I’m on my iPad so might glitch out and I’m sorry
it’s almost too easy the way you never look back. never wondering who or what could be behind you . you’re fearless . you’re always in the now . it’s one of the many things i like about you . a great example for our future children . i can’t wait for us to meet .
an original character inspired by the netflix series ‘ YOU ’ . sebastien jean - marc boucher. written by matias .
Now I know there is something blacker than desire Perhaps it will save me Perhaps it will kill me
Sarah Kane, from her Complete Plays; 4.48 Psychosis. (via xshayarsha)
Rosamund Pike as Amy Elliott-Dunne in Gone Girl (2014)
WE’RE ALL HIDING SECRETS AMONG EACH OTHER.
it’s taken years of learning and practicing how to go about not getting noticed. not being caught by amateurs. not even professionals seem to find the little messages and crumbs i leave behind after exposing their truth. see, i’m sick. not coughing a lung sick, but mentally. i used to think it made me broken inside, but then i realized it didn’t. it made me strong. using your weaknesses or your faults and flaws - turning them in powers makes you better. beats sitting on your ass at a computer ... scrolling the internet for entertainment.
i’m doing something. just like you elliot. i’ve seen what you’re capable of. i admire you. together we’d be unstoppable. but i can see with a clear mind. you’ll make excuses not to. say i’m crazy, insane. say i need to be put down like a dog. but i know the truth. i know your truth. detach yourself from your body and view it from the outside. everything clicks together perfectly.
eterm##$:BKUW300PS345672: alderson81.dat readme.txt eterm##$:BKUW300PS345672: more readme.txt --------- readme.txt --------- I SEE YOU ELLIOT . ------------------------------ eterm##$:BKUW300PS345672:
now who could it be from ? will your mind go crazy thinking about who it could be ? maybe one of the many you’ve hacked. the many you’ve cut down to save a damsel ? the men you scare away from dating your therapist, krista. patient files are sacred among them, but having notes and documents on her computer was a stupid thing to do. don’t blame her, elliot. she sees me too. we are the same, you and i. the real difference being i’m severely sick, and you don’t accept yourself. hide away with the same hoodie in a crowd, but know i’ll always see you. target on you. i wonder if you’ll grow paranoid until my next message. i promise it’ll be worth the wait. see she loves to tell me to not think so much about conversation, because it leads to things like this. the obsession grows and blossoms until you’re six feet under. elliot alderson, you wont be like them. you’ll be the first. first what? you’ll be the one to put a bullet in me.
it’s an unnatural smirk. malicious in every aspect as he sits in front of a computer at an internet cafe. a block from the very one where a man was arrested for having a disgusting taste in porn. he claimed to be hacked and blackmailed. of course sebastien had an idea of who after this interest of his peaked. from then on he searched and searched for clues. hoping to find the curious man. eventually tracing him and looking into all things elliot alderson.
he packs up his things in a brief case, and logs out. it’s fascination and wonder he has for the stranger. a sick form of love developing, but already he knows it’s a dangerous game to play. although he wants nothing more than for everything to come together ... he’s made arrangements for his impending doom. if he couldn’t have elliot ... well ... PRISON SEEMS LIKE A NICE PLACE TO THINK.
@psychexch
tookpills .
even in the presence of friends , she's always the odd one out. instead of partying in the living room like the others , cassie can be found in the kitchen , knelt upon the wooden counter & rearranging various items. jars & bottles aligned neatly beside each other , bigger ones first in line while the smaller ones are at the end , order repeated on each shelf of the cupboard. if one were to inspect their surroundings , they would take note of how she's gotten her hands on almost every item in the area & organised them in a way she deems proper , giving the kitchen a tidier look. mind occupied with the task at hand , no time to think about the fact that she's been left alone. her companions being far too busy having fun & the boy who was supposed to look after her tonight choosing to gawk at the girl he wants but can't have instead , but it doesn't upset cassie. or does it ? love exists in her heart for all of them still. always a loving girl , despite everything. there's no one here to keep her company as the rest of the crowd is gathered in the other room & she's so invested in what she's doing that she fails to pick up on his presence … at least , until she hears his voice. it manages to knock her out of her trance-like state & she turns her head to face him with a kind smile on her face. friendly , as always. “ oh , hi. " the blonde greets him , soon locking her attention back on the objects. " yes , they haven't got it organised properly at all. ” explanation delivered while she grabs the last remaining jar from the counter & positions it in the correct place. perfect. cassie begins to carefully lower herself until her feet touch the floor , imitating his position & pressing her own back against the counter , remaining silent for a moment as she ponders his question. " it is , but … wow , everything's much better like this … & i don't feel sick now. “ there's a smile on her face as if that last sentence is nothing to worry about , as if there's absolutely nothing wrong. she hates thinking about what's wrong , so she simply doesn't , instead smiling & pretending that nothing bothers her. the quiet lingers between them again , cassie tilting her head to a side as she glances up to gaze at the ceiling , almost like she's on another planet entirely & not even paying attention to him. a dreamy gaze reflects in her eyes the majority of the time & she behaves oddly , but she tends to be very aware of things , more than people give her credit for. the girl notices quickly that they've never met , a new face she hasn't got memorized in her brain just yet. " i'm cassie , what's your name ? " her voice breaks through , no longer looking up at the ceiling but rather , focused on him. ” you can keep me company , yeah ? “
you are anything but normal and i admire that. everyone tries so desperately to fit in or pick and choose from others to invent themselves. not you. you are free, cassie. you don’t carry a heavy weight of what others have to say about the way you dress to how knotted your hair must be. it simply does not matter. such kind eyes ... i could easily drown while feeling so loved by the way you look at me. quicksand engulfing me whole, euphoric as i grin. corners of my mouth ear to ear ... and yet with this free spirit ... you are broken. i know about the building that taxi driver drops you off. let me help you cassie.
“ why would you feel sick ? ”
i give you the gift of allowing the words to spill from your own mouth. don’t worry about how it may come across. nothing could change the way i see or feel about you. it must bother you to eat. eating in front of people ? eating junk ? eating in general ? you and i are one the way we are shattered pieces of people. “ I’M SEBASTIEN, BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST CALL ME BASTIEN. ” i hope to hear you repeat it back to me. allow your mouth to form the letters of my name and give me sweet bliss by saying it. “ it’s lovely to meet you, cassie. ” god ... it’s even better than i imagined. saying your name to you.
THIS MUST BE A DREAM. BEING HERE. SO CLOSELY TO YOU. I COULD DIE FROM HAPPINESS.
it saddens him how bothered she must be. the fake smile evident to him the way the corners of her mouth would twitch ... wanting to return to a rested state ... or maybe even a frown. he badly wants to take her hand in his, and just repeat : it’s okay, i accept you. it’s okay, i accept you. it’s okay, i'll take care of you ... sebastien just wanted her to smile, but naturally. the thing with not being okay ... was everyone else wanted you to be. not it a caring way but more just so they felt comfortable.
if something’s wrong with you, people would rather you pretend to be normal and play the part. he realizes she’s staring at the ceiling and joins her. it reminds him when he was younger he’d try counting the little bumps scattered throughout the ceiling in the kitchen. boredom could really snatch you up into an abyss of the mind. floating carelessly into deep thoughts. pondering new ideas and question that never before occurred to you. eventually he’s pulling his attention back to cassie. a dream filled angel.
it’s a memory that’ll never fade. the sounds of sirens coming closer. their alarm echoing throughout the neighbourhood. everyone standing on their driveway and staring. a blood soaked boy rocking back and forth on the front lawn. by the time it was over he couldn’t remember what had happen. it wasn’t my shining moment. sometimes money made things go away. sometimes people went away. information got lost on its way to the station, and suddenly he was the victim.
WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T LIKE ME ? IMPOSSIBLE. WHAT IF SHE FINDS OUT WHAT YOU DID ? THAT’LL BE THE DAY MY PARENTS BURY ME.
cassie, the sweet girl would never look at him the same. no one would if they found his history ... especially his history with falling in love. how dangerous it could be. being the apple of his eye. it takes nothing for him to begin looking at a new person with puppy dog eyes and a heart beating out his chest. love always finds him. sebastien could try to run from it. escape the grasp of love. the obsession that came paired with it. this immense jealousy that was unnecessary. love became his drug. a new high he rode out. withdrawals were hell and he would forever need a fix. an overdose wouldn’t be enough.
“ I’D LOVE TO KEEP YOU COMPANY, CASSIE. ”
you are my fix, cassie. the reason my cheeks burn from smiling so much. the medicine i need. be the blood in my veins, flowing throughout my body. keep me alive. to spend however many minutes we have together would be ecstasy. knowing you want attention and i’m the one here for you ... this must be fate. i’m sorry for the habit, but biting my lip seems to help me cope with how stupid my nerves make me seem. you make me nervous. neurotic with how i might not be good enough for you.
killing eve sentence starters. episode 1 – 2.
i fell asleep on both my arms.
what time did we leave last night?
it all ended when you and ___ sang ‘a whole new world’.
how are you so perky?
okay, from what i can eavesdrop on, a russian sex-trafficking politician’s been murdered in vienna.
you really earn your money, you know.
get me a croissant.
ugh, i’d nail a cousin to work with that woman.
turns out people are still murderous bastards on the weekend.
was there any cctv of the killer?
i imagine the girl is, erm, quite traumatised.
give me the rest of that croissant or i’ll fire you.
i’m feeling very fragile.
i can see you breathing.
were you scared?
did you think i was dead?
do you want to stay and watch a movie?
they want you to do another job.
i just want someone to play with.
that looks terrifying.
did we sing disney?
there’s a difference between thinking it was a woman and wanting it to be a woman.
i’m going to throw up. i suggest you do, too.
i just need to know if she’s aware of anyone who might want to harm her while she’s in the country.
your killer was a ‘small-breasted psycho’, apparently.
i was counting on you not having a life.
uh, how big are her tits?
i know you’re into assassins, but i refuse to talk about them in this way. they’re people too, you know.
she appears to have massive, pendulous breasts.
how would you kill me if you could?
i’d paralyse you with saxitoxin and suffocate you in your sleep, chop you into the smallest bits i could manage, boil you down, put you in a blender and then take you to work in a flask and flush you down a restaurant toilet.
do you want to have sex?
you should have been a spy.
you’ve been weirdly casual all morning.
i’ll give you twenty quid to shut up.
so what if it is a woman anyway? i don’t care if it was an alien.
you could get in a lot of trouble if i was a serious man.
our job is weird but it’s also boring.
we should have brought her some chocolate or something.
oh my god! somebody help me!
if they fire you, you’d better drag me down with you.
i’ve been looking for an excuse to call ___ a dick-swab for years.
just don’t tell them everything - you’ll sound like a nutter.
well… that one could have gone better.
the most important thing, is that four people are dead, and it’s all your fault!
you’re a dick-swab.
just to be clear, you’re fired.
she’s highly skilled, as of yet, untraceable, and, frankly, she’s starting to show off.
buy some milk, or he’ll think you’re having an affair.
i can give you anything you want!
i’m not very good at 'how are you?’ etc, so i’m just going to dive in.
you seem to know a lot about female assassins.
i mean, if she’s not killing me, then, frankly, it’s not my job to care anymore.
she’s outsmarting the smartest of us and, for that, she deserves to do or kill whoever the hell she wants.
this is an unofficial official tap on the shoulder.
you’re intuitive and you make insane suggestions.
it’s like i’ve walked into the inside of my brain.
sorry about the smell, he lives on the internet.
letting yourself into my apartment and drinking from a tiny cup doesn’t make you intimidating, by the ay. it’s just rude.
so she slit her own throat and killed four other people? slip of the hand?
why are you being naughty?
this one has asthma. you know i like the breathy ones.
do you have any interest in why you are asked to do what you do?
i had quite a heavy period last week but other than that, i think i’m okay.
i shot him twice in the heart and watched the spark drain from his eyes.
if you ever want to talk anyone, or – i just wanted to make sure you were alright.
you have to prove the bastards wrong!
’m not denying your theory, but you have to be open to the possibility that what you have here is a series of random attacks that you are loosely hanging together with a pretty ribbon.
it’s best that you bring in your own toilet roll or it just disappears.
i thought you were just being a monkey dick about not being the boss.
i don’t know what a monkey dick is.
if it was someone with enemies, they would have owned up to it. or been exposed for at least one of these kills by now.
well, that was disturbingly easy.
tragically, he’s already at the pub.
i just wanted to apologise for calling you a dick-swab.
god, i’m a knob.
did you think i was asking you out-out? no! oh my god! no! i wasn’t asking you out. no.
what you both did today was massively insensitive.
i don’t have to tell you. you just have to trust me.
okay, we can fight. but you will get tired, and i will get bored, and you don’t like it when i’m bored.
if i kill you, they will just send me another one.
so my activity on all my blogs might decrease since I go back to university on monday. if i don’t get back to you soon, please understand i’m attempting to be a good student and i’ll message you as soon as i am able to.
Le feu follet (1963) dir. Louis Malle
James Dean, 1954. (Detail)
it always makes me so happy to see your writing on the dash!
you are just everything ok? i truly adore seeing you on the dash tho.
aren’t you just ... beautiful. i pictured our first meeting multiple times but this , this is something. god, look at you. wondering where i might be. do you worry about me ? ma belle betony ... it’s nothing serious but i checked your socials and found you truly do love plants. you love to see growth. it’s inspiring how caring you are for something so small. seeds planted in soil blossom and bloom into various different colours and creations. how divine is it to watch the development within weeks or months? maybe one day you’ll show me.
he carries in his hands a single flower in a decorated pot. belladonna. or as she may know as deadly nightshade. not a common flower some might plant in their gardens, but then again he likes to feel different. sebastien watches as she spirals in her confusion. wanting to find him. he basks in it, thrives in the moment of her longing to find who she had been speaking with for a few weeks now. head feels almost dizzy, everything’s in an angelic haze the way he feels so needed. he rises from the bench he sat in and begins to walk over, unable to keep a straight face.
MALREVES143: I THINK I SEE YOU, I’LL JUST WALK OVER.
he has a hungry / famished / ravenous look in his eyes. it’s a relief she hasn’t spotted him yet, not able to catch a glimpse of this desire he has forming. i wonder how you pictured me. he’ll take out his phone leaving one hand to hold the flower he had for her, and send out a text telling her he’s around. dressed how he would’ve assumed she’d like. casual, but not baggy. not like he threw whatever he could find. NO. NO. NO. NO. i’ll always make an effort with you. it’s a nice medium of casual and formal.
sebastien continues walking over, both hands on the pot he carries. the violet hue could only bring him attention. who wouldn’t check out the guy carrying a flower around a park ? finally he stands behind her. he wants so badly to smell her ... take a deep inhale and know who you are. what are your favourite smells ? what aroma fills you with joy, or maybe even love? but he doesn’t. it’s too early to be trying anything like that. so instead he taps her shoulder. allow me to get to know you, mon cher ... claudette.
“ J’ESPERE QUE VOUS NE L’AVEZ PAS ATTENDU LONGTEMPS ... BONJOUR, JE SUIS SEBASTIEN ... MAIS, MES AMIS M’APPELLENT BASTIEN. NOUS AVONS RENCONTRE EN LIGNE ? ”
not long before his lips are curves to quite the grin. thing about people is, they can look as friendly as a puppy and have the bite of something unworldly. sebastien never needed to practice certain looks and expressions such as a smile ... it came easy because it was genuine. he grinned with so much conviction because he truly was happy to see her. to be meeting her, here. now. he had researched enough to know she hadn’t been to jardins des floralies. many post had been written about wanting to but not having time. so sebastien is hoping this surprise does get him points.
@empaethies
I can’t think of anything I’d rather have more than somebody loving me.
Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees (via wordsnquotes)
