do you enjoy dancing? not particularly. @obsessed-with-all-things - Tumblr Blog

bucket list🥀

•go to a makeup convention •throw a surprise birthday party for a friend •make pizza from scratch •spend an entire day at knott’s berry farm from opening to closing •stay at kakslauttanen igloo arctic resort in Finland and stay in an igloo and watch the northern lights •get my permit and driver’s license •go on a hike •make a tumblr fort and have a movie night •start a blog •go to the Maldives •take an astrology class •study abroad at least once during college •go to prom once •stay in a cabin with friends during winter •ride in a carriage •make a galaxy mirror cake •go to a trampoline park •go paint balling •have a picnic in the park •learn to ice skate -> go ice skating •go to a bunch of stores and try on a LOT of fancy dresses •go on a hot air balloon •make rainbow cupcakes •learn how to make latte art •go to first even pizzeria made in the U.S. •graduate •buy a new camera •make a scrapbook •go mini golfing •have a mini cupcake wars challenge •go to Iceland •become an ordained minister online •grow out my hair and donate it to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients •go on a cruise with friends after we graduate •study abroad at least once during college •pay for a trip for parents •try spaghetti tacos •learn sign language •go fishing •visit the set of friends •make a giant cookie •stay at the Azulik hotel tuium and maya spa (treehouse hotel) in tuium mexico •have a girls day (nails done + breakfast + shopping •have a backyard bonfire before summer ends •go to a carnival •go to downtown LA and visit ‘little damage’ and try ice cream with the charcoal cone •get a job •own a drone •go to a pottery class with friends •take at lease one ROP class during high school •go to japan •go to a cupcake atm

#bucket list

stability

!!!!!!!!PLEASE HELP TO SPREAD THIS!!!!!!

Gay men in Russia are being rounded up and put into concentration camps. I’m so beyond upset and I’m asking you to help spread this information in hopes that it will bring this disgustingly horrible situation more media attention and put additional pressure on Russia to investigate these camps and shut them down.

There is a petition to stop the persecution here and the Russian LGBT Network has a donation page here (it looks pretty legit to me and is associated with a Facebook page with 12,000+ followers, but if anyone can find more information confirming the validity of it that would be beyond appreciated.)

These men are all the way across the world but they’re part of my community and they need our help. They don’t have the same luxuries (basic human rights) that we do and they are in desperate need for us to help speak up for them.

You can read the full article here or google the topic for more information. Please.

edit: i have updated this post with more info here

plumbobbunnyy-deactivated201608

Reblog if your blog is safe for the LGBTQIA community.

not mine || thank you to badasscreampuff on youtube for making this amazing video✨

#wayhaught #YouTube Video #Not Mine #badasscreampuff

likeaswansong

same sex marriage was officially legalised in finland 23 minutes ago 🌈❤️💛💚💙💜🌈

reservoir-of-blood

kim-kartrashcan

Aye if you’re a bartender or a bar owner, I suggest you put something like this in the ladies’ room.

thenighthawkes-deactivated20200

halloawhatisthis

rallyforbernie

Please spread the word for anyone potentially affected by the ban !!!

megustamemes

partnersofsurvivors

How to Help a Partner Who Has Been…

Physically Abused

Physical abuse covers anything where there is bodily harm being inflicted upon the person–scratching, slapping, hitting, kicking, choking, pushing or pulling, grabbing the person/the person’s clothes, throwing items at the person, or using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon. Physical abuse may not always leave a physical mark. If your partner has been through physical abuse, they may: - fear sudden movements - fear loud noises - have triggers that can cause anxiety, flashbacks, or shut down - feel damaged, or like they don’t deserve a better life - have low self-worth - fear trusting others - struggle with trusting others - have fear of abuse being repeated - have difficulty sleeping - be hypervigilant - feel empty or like reaching out is not worth the effort - feel unsafe, even at times when they are safe - have PTSD

How can you help them? Help them get to a therapist who can see them regularly and help them work through their abuse; this is very important, as a therapist is key to recovering from abuse. Respect their triggers–don’t try to push them outside of their comfort zone, no matter how much you think it might help, and do not deliberately trip their triggers. Make a list of things to avoid doing, with the clear understanding that it’s going to be an incomplete list–triggers can be unknown for a long while before you trip them, and some things that used to be fine/not fine sometimes evolve. Additionally, make a list of things that can help when your partner feels crappy. Some examples of things that might help: - calling their name gently - touching them (if yes, ask where, and if are there times to avoid touching, such as during a panic attack) - bringing them a toy to squeeze or pet - making them some hot chocolate/other soothing drink or food - closing the blinds - making sure to stay in another room

Of course, what will help your partner and what won’t help them when they feel like crap will vary from person to person, so make sure you talk to them about what they do and don’t want you to do. Another good thing to do is make a list of things that can help if/when your partner has flashbacks. Some examples of things that can help: - touch (if the person feels it will help AND if you ask first while they are having the flashback) - sounds (talk to them, play music for them, etc.) - smells (specifically smells that link to the present and not the past and/or have good memories attached to them)

Try to minimize stress at home and make sure your loved one has time alone for rest and relaxation. Let them know on a consistent basis that you love them and are here for them, and with them for the long haul. Create routines, as structure, routine, and predictable schedules can enhance their feeling of security. Talk about the future, as this can help them realize that their future isn’t limited by their past. Keep your promises, be consistent, and prove you can be trusted. Set rules to help them feel safe: for instance, if they are scared of loud noises, make a “no yelling” rule, and if someone gets heated in a discussion about problems in the relationship, have everyone walk away until everyone is calmed down. Be sure to educate yourself about abuse and PTSD.

Dos and Don’ts: - Don’t give easy answers or blithely say that everything will be fine - Don’t stop them from talking about their feelings and fears - Do reassure them that their fears and feelings are valid; validate them, and then work with them on ways to minimize or work around their fears (constant validation is not necessary, but if they bring up a feeling or fear, validate it.) - Don’t offer unsolicited advice on what they “should” do (saying “I think you should see a therapist” is not the way to go) - Do bring up therapy, but be sure to put it in a positive light (“Treatment is a way to learn new skills that could help you feel better”) and be sure not to use language that suggests they are crazy or a burden; additionally, wait for the right time to bring up your concerns–don’t bring it up mid-argument - Don’t push them to share - Do make it clear that you are available to talk if they want to - Don’t blame all of your relationship problems on the person’s PTSD - Do discuss relationship problems, but don’t blame them all on the person, and make sure to talk about the problems in a situation where everyone is calm, collected, and comfortable - Don’t tell the person to “get over it” or “snap out of it” - Don’t give ultimatums or make threats or demands - Don’t deal in absolutes (“You always…”/“You never…”) - Don’t make them feel weak because they aren’t coping as well as others - Do reassure them they are doing the best they can and that you are proud of them - Don’t tell the person they were lucky it wasn’t worse - Don’t condescend to the person

Emotionally Abused

Emotional abuse covers anything in the nature of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, gaslighting, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming, and manipulation. Gaslighting is denying that certain events happened, making the other person feel crazy or unstable. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person. If your partner has been through emotional abuse, they may: - fear loud noises - fear yelling - have triggers that can cause anxiety, flashbacks, or shut down - feel damaged, or like they don’t deserve a better life - have low self-worth - fear trusting others - have struggles with trusting others - have fear of abuse being repeated - feel empty or like reaching out is not worth the effort - feel unsafe, even at times when they are safe - be extremely sensitive to controlling behaviors - blame themselves for their abuse - struggle with emotional instability - have difficulty sleeping - be hypervigilant - have PTSD

How can you help them? Help them get to a therapist who can see them regularly and help them work through their abuse; this is very important, as a therapist is key to recovering from abuse. Respect their triggers–don’t try to push them outside of their comfort zone, no matter how much you think it might help, and do not deliberately trip their triggers. Make a list of things to avoid doing, with the clear understanding that it’s going to be an incomplete list–triggers can be unknown for a long while before you trip them, and some things that used to be fine/not fine can evolve. Additionally, make a list of things that can help when your partner feels crappy. Some examples of things that might help: - calling their name gently - touching them (if yes, ask where, and if are there times to avoid touching) - bringing them a toy to squeeze or pet - making them some hot chocolate/other soothing drink or food - closing the blinds - making sure to stay in another room

Of course, what will help your partner and what won’t help them when they feel like crap will vary from person to person, so make sure you talk to them about what they do and don’t want you to do. Another good thing to do is make a list of things that can help if/when your partner has flashbacks.Some examples of things that can help: - touch (if the person feels it will help AND if you ask first while they are having the flashback) - sounds (talk to them, play music for them, etc.) - smells (specifically smells that link to the present and not the past and/or have good memories attached to them)

Try to minimize stress at home and make sure your loved one has time alone for rest and relaxation. Let them know on a consistent basis that you love them and are here for them, and with them for the long haul. Create routines, as structure, routine, and predictable schedules can enhance their feeling of security. Talk about the future, as this can help them realize that their future isn’t limited by their past. Keep your promises, be consistent, and prove you can be trusted. Remind them that their abuse is not their fault, should they bring up such a sentiment, and remind them not to feel guilty about needing help, should they bring up such a sentiment. Set rules to help them feel safe: for instance, if they are scared of loud noises, make a “no yelling” rule, and if someone gets heated in a discussion about problems in the relationship, have everyone walk away until everyone is calmed down. Be sure to educate yourself about abuse and PTSD.

Dos and Don’ts: - Don’t give easy answers or blithely say that everything will be fine - Don’t stop them from talking about their feelings and fears - Do reassure them that their fears and feelings are valid; validate them, and then work with them on ways to minimize or work around their fears (constant validation is not necessary, but if they bring up a feeling or fear, validate it.) - Don’t offer unsolicited advice on what they “should” do (saying “I think you should see a therapist” is not the way to go) - Do bring up therapy, but be sure to put it in a positive light (“Treatment is a way to learn new skills that could help you feel better”) and be sure not to use language that suggests they are crazy or a burden; additionally, wait for the right time to bring up your concerns–don’t bring it up mid-argument - Don’t push them to share - Do make it clear that you are available to talk if they want to - Don’t blame all of your relationship problems on the person’s PTSD - Do discuss relationship problems, but don’t blame them all on the person, and make sure to talk about the problems in a situation where everyone is calm, collected, and comfortable - Don’t tell the person to “get over it” or “snap out of it” - Don’t give ultimatums or make threats or demands - Don’t deal in absolutes (“You always…”/“You never…”) - Don’t make them feel weak because they aren’t coping as well as others - Do reassure them they are doing the best they can and that you are proud of them - Don’t tell the person they were lucky it wasn’t worse - Don’t condescend to the person

Finally: take care of yourself. You want to be there for your partner, but dealing with the after-effects of abuse and dealing with PTSD can be draining and difficult, and you need to ensure you are safe and healthy so you can in turn help your partner be safe and healthy. Remember that you are not “saving” them: you are helping them to recover, but they have to do the work themselves, however difficult it may be. You can help and support them, but you cannot do the work for them. Additionally, accept and expect mixed feelings from yourself as you go through the process of helping them get better. Just because you feel resentful towards them one day does not mean you don’t love them and don’t want to help them. Just be careful with how you manage these feelings.

Additionally, physical symptoms that can result from physical or emotional abuse include: - chronic fatigue - muscle tension - involuntary shaking - physical pain without cause If your partner experiences these symptoms, have them go to their regular doctor/general practitioner, and see if there is anything the doctor can to do help these symptoms.