[obsessivetherian]

tag dump. tag dump.

F/O List I II III IV

Top Surgery Fund

[obsessivetherian]

got new glasses. not much difference but its to be expected at this point (its still great cause I can see a little better but its not to what I remember getting a new prescription is like). have to adjust to them.

(keep taking them off like thats going to help with the slight warp).

[obsessivetherian]

got through my assessment, and I felt stupid the entire time.

also, it turns out I had a lot more special education intervention that was cut off by my family when they found out.

[obsessivetherian]

a lot of resources for the deafblind talk about losing your hearing when you're already blind / low vision rather than losing your vision when you're already deaf / hoh - so it feels more like blinddeaf rather than deafblind.

[obsessivetherian]

I hate how I can't easily solve my issues because I have to consider the fact that I will adjust to having tools and medications then fall apart when I hit a stint of homelessness or lack of money to continue having these things.

so instead I suffer because I don't want to have heaven then fall to hell.

[kaputtsolvi]

What I feel people frequently forget about autistic special interests is that they aren't always information based. They may simply be visual or mental

Someone may have a special interest in a show, but instead of that meaning that they will talk about that show often, it may mean they watch that show extremely frequently.

Special interests are ways of regulating, not simply encyclopedias we have in our heads. Sometimes it's watching something frequently. Maybe only listening to one genre of music, maybe it's a collection, maybe it's an action. I'm tired of it only being seen as autistic people's personal encyclopedias

[obsessivetherian]

reddit is one of the largest places to find community or share your thoughts but I hate how each time I post in the myopia or blind subreddit, my posts from a year ago are brought up as a sort of gotcha or to prove that I'm lying about my vision, and that I'm 'inconsistent' about what I say.

I have an obvious communication disorder and I tell people this when there is a clear miscommunication but that is used as a further gotcha.

I talk about how for the longest time I thought being able to see a line on the eye exam meant I could guess what the blurry letters were, and I do it since I've had to do that daily for years but even that fails me so I end up in situations that aren't good for me / I end up relying on someone else to read for me.

I talk about how doctors have pushed me to guess what I am looking at and used that to say my vision was fine despite me saying it is blurred and I struggle daily.

but according to the subreddit, having trouble reading standard and sometimes enlarged text with glasses and having pain as a result is normal and I need to stop lying to my doctor.

according to these subreddits, I am attention seeking and need to learn to stop lying.

I did stop lying, and now I'm finally getting help for my vision.

[obsessivetherian]

April 15th: Talk about special interests. What is your current special interest? What do you like about it? Do you dislike anything about having special interests? Talk about past special interests.

-> I have had the same special interests my entire life.

I don't like when people try to get me to stop engaging with them or ridicule me, mainly because it's annoying but also because I become frustrated and lash out which they use as a reason for me to stop having special interests.

[obsessivetherian]

April 14th: Do you have issues with change? From small changes like a disruption to your daily routine, to big changes like a new boss at work for example. How does it affect you? Is there anything that helps with it?

-> Yes. I will scream and stim and hurt myself when it comes to small changes, and bigger changes is about the same but it can be less when I have time to process.

I need warnings and to be walked through what is going to happen.

[obsessivetherian]

April 13th: Have you ever had to (or wanted to) correct someone's misconception about autism? What happened? Talk about it.

-> it was a classic 'I'm autistic and I can do x' and I was told I was being stubborn and using my disability as a crutch and I think even told that if I struggled with 'something so simple' then I probably wasn't autistic.

[obsessivetherian]

having madison say she's level 2 was jarring since, she seems very normal.

I had put her at level 1 since she presents more like a level 1 than the numerous level 2s I have met and talked to.

perhaps she believes she's level 2 because she was early diagnosed and had more severe autism as a child?

idk, it felt insulting to have someone who has a more normal disposition to say they are level 2.

[obsessivetherian]

April 12th: Do you struggle with a sense of loneliness/social isolation? Has it become better, worse or about the same since you were younger? Is there anything that helps with it?

-> not really? It's mainly when it comes to fandom.

I think it's better since I'm no longer in school.

I usually interact with my mutuals.

[obsessivetherian]

April 11th: Do you find doctor's/dentist's/etc appointments difficult as an autistic person? Why? Do you have trouble booking appointments or managing insurance? Do you have someone that helps with this? Do you have someone come to appointments to help advocate for you?

-> Yes. It's a lot of waiting and not being able to engage with my special interests in a way I want to although I am slowly finding ways to cope better but so far, it is still the same torturous feeling as it's always been.

I can usually handle booking appointments except for specific situations, in which case someone else does it.

I don't have insurance.

Yes, I usually bring someone.

[obsessivetherian]

April 10th: Are holidays/birthdays/similar social gatherings something that you find difficult in any way as an autistic person? Talk about it.

-> As long as I know what to expect, it's fine.

So my cousin's birthday, he usually tells me the plan, who's going to be there, and what might or might not change.

But random events, especially with no public information are basically a no go. I try to go but I usually leave once it becomes too much, so about 5 minutes.

[obsessivetherian]

April 9th: Are you ever prevented from doing things because of sensory issues? For example, clothes you'd want to wear, places you'd like to go, etc. How does it make you feel? Talk about it.

-> All the time. I practically never leave the house and I can't go to events for people my age, even my appointments, there are times I have to walk out until I'm called in.

I have to have earbuds and headphones, something to do or otherwise I start squirming and stimming like crazy.

There's a lot of clothes I want to wear but can't or if I can, I have to spend hours taking out the tags, wearing them down or buy them second hand.

Food. I want to try out everything but often I end up gagging or spitting it out as soon as it touches my tongue.

A lot of my favorite foods I can't eat because of the texture.

[obsessivetherian]

April 8th: Do you think, since the time you found out you were autistic, that society's views on autism has gotten worse, better, or about the same? In what ways? 

-> There is more awareness but there is also more of a stigma.

I often get 'well I'm autistic and I can do x' or 'so and so is autistic and they can do x'.

but that is new, usually people treat me like I'm a disabled adult and have an understanding that I struggle.

I hate the new view that autism is only a disability because of society.

[obsessivetherian]

April 7th: Talk about autistic characters in media. What are your favorite canon autistic characters? Are there any characters that you view as autistic, that aren't officially so? What about them makes you think they are autistic? How do you relate to them? What would you like to see in autistic characters in the future?

-> I relate a lot to shaun murphy in terms of meltdowns.