Quarantine + thoughts on Cohabitating and
TV Sharing (or not sharing)
Formally titled “Is my boyfriend a culture snob?”
I’m used to sharing space. I grew up in a household of 5 + 2 cats, + the occasional uncle or cousin or grandparent living with us every few years. My home was loud. It was frustrating. And it was crowded. 2 weeks from today marks a whole year of my boyfriend and I living together. I’m really proud of us. We’ve learn so much about each other during this time. It’s been intimate, and gross, and beautiful, and infuriating. So many things. Mostly good things. For context, Jonathan is an only child. No shade whatsover towards only children, we just grew up differently. Anyway, due to my years of experience with sharing, I imagined living with Jonathan would be so easy, natural, and uncomplicated. Lord knows I was naive! 😂 LOUD arguments. Tears. Embarrassment. The warmest hugs. The sweetest quiet moments in our living room. I think we challenge each other in the best ways.
Which bring me to today’s challenge. We have an ongoing debate about our taste in movies/TV probably once every 3 months. Some of these debates have gotten pretty heated in the past, mostly on my end. Admittedly it was hard not to raise my voice when I was feeling so defensive. The debates turned into unproductive arguments real fast. We’ve since learned to call it quits before it got disrespectful. This time I thought I’d write (or type) my thoughts and feelings about it. More therapeutic venting than a confrontational call out . After all, with this whole COVID-19 thing happening, we’re going to be spending a lot more time together in the apartment. Sharing the TV. So this morning, like most mornings, I called Jonathan during his commute to work. I mentioned in passing that Frozen 2 was on Disney+ and that I shared our password so my Goddaughter could enjoy it. He told me he didn’t care because it’s “my” Disney+ account and that he doesn’t really watch anything on it. Then he tells me, in his “I’m just joking” voice, that I have bad taste in movies. I took the bait, and inquired (again) about what makes his taste in movies is so superior... Direct Quote: “I watch the movies you’re suppose to watch”
Kind of a pretentious thing to say, but I allow it. To be honest I think his taste is rather average for a college educated 28 year old male but, to each their own. Jonathan’s movie tastes: Marvel and DC Movies, Mind bending movies like Inception, Interstellar, Dunkirk (basically most Christopher Nolan films), Schindler’s List, Daniel Craig bond movies, critically acclaimed documentaries...you get the idea? Cool. No problem. For me the rub is that he looks down on me and my preferences. At worst, he thinks I’m shallow.
At best he just thinks that I’m immature and need to be introduced to more films that access my deeper emotions or challenge my philosophies on life. Which I find really fascinating because he conveniently doesn’t keep that same energy about content quality when it comes to music, but that’s a conversation for another day lol
To be quite honest, prior to living together I felt no shame or embarrassment about my preferences in TV or movies. I still don’t, but I have realized that now that we share the TV, I mostly watch movies and shows on my phone or iPad, just to avoid the “teasing” that comes with watching anything he doesn’t want to watch in our living room. It’s just easier to enjoy my content from bed or while I’m cooking in the kitchen. Passive aggressive, yes, I know.
My taste: I’m a romantic. I love the classics, Carmen Jones, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Pride & Prejudice. Give me all the Julie Andrews, Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Molly Ringwald, Drew Barrymore, etc. Romantic dramas and corny Rom-Coms. The heart-wrenching and dramatic, the light-hearted and sexy. I love ‘em all. My list of favorites is long.
I’m also a proud Disney enthusiast. I could spend all day defending this because I have many reasons, but in short: Children’s movies are filled with lessons about how to be a better human being. After all, their main function is in teaching morals and respect. (Child Psych and Children’s Lit gave me a fresh perspective on this)
I also find re-watching my favorite movies or shows from when I was a kid relaxing. Did you know that Nostalgia has been shown to counteract loneliness, boredom, and anxiety?For some people it’s really powerful and FREE emotional support.
Another escape for me is......Reality TV.
Now before I go on, let me just say, I do have standards. I also think Reality TV has evolved over the years. Indeed, "reality TV" has become a shorthand for everything wrong with America: shallow, artificial, attention-craving phonies looking for their 15 minutes of fame. It’s not wrong, you DO have to weed through about 2 decades worth of trash to find the gold. But honestly I could write an entire thesis on how today we have some of the best unscripted television the world has ever seen. Unscripted Television that is smart and compelling, and both competing with and outperforming some really great scripted television too. Take a look at Discovery Channel and Netflix to name a few networks that are doing reality TV right. There are certainly levels.
I’m also not too proud to say, I enjoyed The Real World Austin, Flavor of Love, and I Love New York.
The social media interactions that come from discussing social experiment shows like “The Circle” and “Love is Blind” on Netflix are also so much fun. It’s so human. Again, light-hearted escapism, but I don’t think it’s a crime. Right?
There are also plenty of critically acclaimed, thoughtful, smart films and TV shows that I love. I just don’t want to watch them after a long days work. Or right before bed. Because energy transfers are a thing. All that being said, I don’t think this makes me an immature adult. Is my taste really that “trash”?
So yeah...these days the only way I get to enjoy watching movies and tv, free of verbal and non-verbal judgement, is by watching it alone.
I don’t even know if he notices. I DO know that he doesn’t ever mean to hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t even say that I’m hurt, I just wish he wouldn’t share his every thought and opinion WHILE I’m watching something I enjoy. It’s just rude. It’s really annoying + there are plenty of things he watches that I’m not interested in. Normally I just sit next to him and listen while he tries to sell me on whatever movie or show it is. Sometimes I enjoy it. He put me onto The Walking Dead. But sometimes I’m just not into it. I STILL sit on our couch, quietly curled up next to him, scrolling IG. That’s really all I want him to do. Just let me enjoy my things. But is that just me? Am I being too sensitive? Do I need a tougher skin? I’m a believer in the Kindergarten rule: “If you have nothing nice to say...” you know the rest. But like I said, maybe he’s clueless. Maybe I’ll share this with him and not post it at all.
And so, I really cherish the times when we find a show or movie that we both like/want to watch at the same time.
Maybe quarantine will be good for us.
