Noir Sadness

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

When life gives you a piece of happiness, make sure to truly live in it and fully savour it. I know that it is difficult to be aware of this while you are in the moment, but I urge you to take it all in, every nook and cranny that happiness has to offer, because life is a twisted deity who knows exactly what you need. Life will bring what you need into your hands and watch you be happy and grateful for having received such blessings and being glad that fate chose you to be the one to host joy within you. And just when you are comfortable, all that is in your hands get snatched away, life grabs everything like a thief in the night and runs off when you least expect it. And just when you realise what just happened, you find that your happiness is gone. Try as you will to run after it, it runs so fast that you can't keep up with it. And just as you try catch your breath, all you see is your happiness disappear. Life the twisted deity has played it's hand, gave you what you wanted most, then took it all away.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

Life takes without any remorse, it just keeps taking until there is nothing left.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

I know that it's been years since we last were together, and you probably have forgotten all the memories we made, and they've probably been replaced by the new ones you created. That is the nature of life, things come and go and new things replace them. The people we consider to be the ones end up being the forgotten ones, but I still haven't forgotten you. So many thoughts of you still linger in my mind, it has become like a ritual, a sort of daily prayer where it is customary for me to think about you. No matter what my day consists of and regardless of how busy my mind gets, it will always find time to peruse thoughts of you. I'm still in love with you, and none of that matters, it's just rather an expression of my feelings. It's not meant to change anything nor is there any expectations to the declaration. It's just a source of truth, more to myself than anyone else.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

Sometimes we live to be forgotten by those we constantly remember.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

"I guess I was happy then. But that much happiness can lead to an equal amount of pain. "

- Kafuku

[remanence-of-love]

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

This seems all good and well, but let's be honest. You can't love yourself out of the desire to be loved by someone else. Self love doesn't replace that feeling, and it never has because those are two totally different forms of love and are not interchangeable.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

I used to agree with the notion that life owes you nothing, but later in life I've come to realise that it is a totally false statement. No one really chooses to be born an be alive, that is something that happens beyond the person's control. Therefore life actually owes you the basics necessary for survival, things like food, shelter, security and community. These are things that life is supposed to give you, they're not supposed to be things that a person struggles to get, maybe things beyond the basic needs can be categorised as not being owed to you in a sense that you can live a fulfilled life without them, and those are things that you should probably work hard towards. But saying life owes you nothing is absolutely untrue, life has a responsibility to you.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

What would you do if you fell for someone that you would have to wait an eternity to see again?

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

Being human is having to forcefully accept things not working out how you want them to and being okay with it regardless of how painful it is for you.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

The love of my life found happiness somewhere else, and it looks so good on her. It's something I couldn't fully give to her during our time together, I had my faults and so did she, I take accountability for my failures since they too played a part in why she is with someone else and not me. There are things I could've done better, but as a person I didn't know better at the time, and the choices I made came with consequences I didn't expect. The one I'm most grateful for is that she ended up in a good place, she ended up with someone that helps her grow and brings her happiness. I assume I also brought those things into her life as well during our time together, but obviously he does it all better. Over the years she got to learn about herself and about life and with that knowledge was able to grow into an even better person, she learnt from the faults she had therefore eliminating some of the struggles we had. It's beautiful that she is in such a wonderful space and I hope that it gets even better, and that her dreams come true because she truly deserves it.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

The right decisions come with rewards and the wrong decisions have a price.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

There are so many things in life that we want a taste of, even if it means experiencing something just once but we know that life will never give us that opportunity. All we can really do is daydream about the possibilities.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

Watch "Somebody Else" on YouTube

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

Jimi Hendrix and Jean-Michel Basquiat struggled for years before reaching their respective successes, and once they attained that success, they only got to live in it for such a short time before they died. They had a longer life of struggle than that of success. But the way they're represented today seems like they enjoyed success for a longer period. I don't know if their deaths are sad tragedies or an escape from the madness.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

For the past few weeks I've been waking up at 3:27 am, I don't understand the significance of the time but it's been the same consistent time throughout. Every time I awake I always try to force myself to fall asleep again because there really isn't much worth doing at that time of the day. But instead of falling asleep, my mind just starts to wonder around, and it always lands at the same thought. Thoughts about you, I lay awake thinking about everything, I think about the past that's been forgotten, every single day it's me remembering all the little pieces of a life we lived, a life that no longer exists except through memories that I keep. I also think about the future that was never lived, all the plans that died before they could come to life, I think of all the achievements I've made since we began living separate lives and the constant theme in these thoughts is that you were supposed to be a part of all of it. It makes me wonder sometimes how far along would we have been with our plans and what achievements we would have by now if we were still working together towards a common goal, the wins feel so empty without you. All of this is nothing new, it's basically the same thing I've been writing about when it comes to you and I remember you once told me that you hope that some day I get over you and evidently I'm still working on that.

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

It's quite easy to become Men Without Women. You love a woman deeply, and then she goes off somewhere. That's all it takes. In any case, that's how you become Men Without Women. Before you even know it. And once you've become Men Without Women, loneliness seeps deep down inside your body, like red wine stain on a pastel

[oceansoulsoftheabyss]

"All change is not growth, all movement is not forward."

Something I've been thinking about lately, life is full of constant change, it's the inevitable that we can't run from. And people like to tell us that we should embrace change and sometimes there is merits within change. But then also, not all change leads you to a better place nor does it help you grow. Sometimes certain changes that happen actually cause a regression and takes away a lot of growth that you had attained, sometimes change makes you lose so much progress that you had made and you find yourself in a situation where even though you have movement, it is actually in the negative direction. We tend to overlook the appeal of stability and see it as being stagnant, but it is actually far different from that, stability offers you a foundation from which to grow and a space to make better decisions without pressure sitting on your shoulders. Change is great when it is on your own terms, not when situations force you into it.