"The Wounds of Being Too Much": Gifted people are often misunderstood from a young age. Their experiences can be wounding.
This is something that I have been dealing with lately. It is a surprise that after years and years of feeling misunderstood, that you are odd, too much, or even inadequate you get told in therapy "Have you ever been told you might be gifted?". In Spanish we call this "altas capacidades".
Then, everything makes sense: the racing thoughts, the existential dread, the boredom, the feeling that your chest is going to burst from emotional pain or happiness, the constant need to try new things, of not feeling satisfied, of chasing a goal that when is reached and accomplished, the emptiness remains.
Then, denial sets in because you remember failing in school, and teachers thought that you were a lost cause, classmates chuckling, and how odd you were. Because "gifted" is synonymous with mathematicians, scientists, Nobel prizes, and being overall academically intelligent. Me? GIFTED? Are you having a laugh?
Then, anger sets in because if you would have known sooner, you would have coped differently. You would have looked for better help and would not have been a burden for others to bear because they cannot keep up with your arborescent way of thinking. Because you would not have had constant anxiety, panic attacks, and depressive episodes that would make you feel like maybe the best option would be to not exist or not have been born. Because you would have not expected that much of people as their way of thinking is A to B, not A to X to % to 8.
Then, depression sets in because you are scared of opening up to people because the few who understood you left your life because you were too much. Because as a teenager and young adult, your emotions and brain were so on overdrive that messing up was the only option. Because you have always been an old soul and not many people understood. And people drifted away. So you spent years feeling like a burden, that you were never good enough. You try to find answers to questions that will not be given to you, and it is SO frustrating that keeps you stuck in a constant cycle of existential dread. That you will die without knowing all the answers.
Now I am at the point where I am trying to accept all this. Because people like us look for meaning everywhere, and we (I) need constant reassurance that we are not crazy. Because now that I am an adult, I am a bit wiser and mature to talk about these things. That there are positive things coming out of this.
and also why Belle´s song has been so impactful to me since I was little
PS: My asks/DM are always open for anyone who needs a chat.
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