thinking abt disabled ppl especially intellectually &/ developmentally disabled (I/DD) people without sexual agency
I/DD people who need 24/7 supervision. those who not need it but given it anyway bc people who make these decision s never bother check otherwise. disabled ppl in nursing homes n group homes n institutions. but 24/7 watched in own home also— who not get privacy wanted to masturbate. who get phone monitored n checked n can’t sext.
who not get people (friends, partners, not to mention sex workers) over without extensive paperwork n bureaucracy n risk assessment meetings n long pre approval, if even allowed get those. who even if get to come over, supervised or constantly randomly checked in where impossible have sex.
I/DD people who whether get date, get have sex, be topic of so many people business, so many meetings with so many peoples from care team (sometimes everyone but the disabled person themself), risk assessments, guidelines n rules n limits with consequences of be see as not fit & have sexuality right revoked or labeled non compliant if not follow.
ppl w intellectual and or cognitive disabilities who really do need other people help with risk n danger n safety n make decision n make informed consent bc struggle be aware of it, who still want n deserve sexual expression n right to decide, without struggle be use as evidence abt how we or all I/DD disabled ppl not able have sex or can’t consent, or be overprotected.
I/DD & cognitive disabled ppl who honestly wanna do risky n impulsive things without be made think through n justify before hand, who maybe just wanna go clubbing n hookup w strangers or what have you, because deserve dignity of risk like everyone else
disabled ppl who no ability / not allowed / assumed can’t control own money, who purchases monitored. or whose stuff get constantly touched n reorganized n searched, whether because need other people help clean, or because overprotective n abuse… can’t buy and or can’t keep sex toys around.
even if progressive parents / family / caregivers / even contracted hired support workers do think the I/DD or otherwise disabled adult under their care should be allow do adult stuff like date n sex, may then be called sexually abusive n grooming n “child” predator by professionals n doctors n others in care teams n contracted agencies n government (bc so many disabled ppl rely on disability related government assistance n vouchers) — people who the disabled adult & family rely on n often can’t just “go find better option.” who may at worst get adult protective services called on or investigation opened n have disabled person under care removed, which be bad in any situation but if also have other identities that compound n be put at disproportionate more risk, like be person of color, face even more risk n often even harsher penalties.
disabled adults who use pediatric equipments — because developmental disability & syndromes often come w short stature or at least smaller physical size (on top of already idea of I/DD people be forever children) — who get treated similar
disabled ppl with very limited movement ability or very low motor skills (think high level complete / near complete SCI, ALS, other forms of tetraplegia quadriplegia paralysis, muscular dystrophy, severe brain injury, n once again developmental disability syndromes, etc), who can’t masturbate alone who need another person (partial / complete) help masturbate n also need lots of help n support during sex
disabled ppl who need carers whose care plan specify carer leave by certain hour of night (often early like 10) n so need be in bed by then
support workers who want support n assist but not allowed to
disabled ppl who wanna hire sex worker, whether because can’t do sex n masturbation alone, or because dating while disabled very complicated n ppl not wanna date n have sex w disabled people esp visibly severely disabled people, or because lonely, or simply because just want to! who not allowed bc supervised n watched n monitored (talked before), stigma toward disabled sexuality + stigma toward sex work come together
I/DD ppl who date whose nondisabled or less disabled or invisibly disabled partners automatic called groomer or saint, or with disabled partner n be see as less legitimate relationship or shouldn’t reproduce or etc etc
disabled ppl whose disability be fetishized without consent
disabled people whose disability aid (like diapers n incontinence products) be more associated w fetish n that be what people automatic assume n thus judge n be rude n mock abt it or be weirdly sexual toward you fetish you, rather than fact it disability aid (in fact more often used as disability aid). n then ppl w that fetish also have minimal solidarity with disabled people even though they use disability aid. (not kink shame, but like, can you see how that annoying n uncomfortable).
disabled children esp I/DD children not get taught sex ed bc assumed not need it shouldn’t need it. who not taught sexual anatomy. who not taught pleasure. who not taught kink. who not taught queer n trans n intersex stuff & sexuality n sex n anatomy related to it. who not taught boundaries, how say no, when say no. who not taught what count as abuse n who n how to report abuse when happen. who even if got sex ed, taught abstinence only, taught cis & het & perisex normative only, or taught overprotective only.
nonverbal nonspeaking minimally verbal & (often I/DD) children (and adults) with complex communication needs & thus AAC (augmentative & alternative communication) users, whose AAC not come with anatomically accurate body parts language (e.g for medical needed for simple UTI to STI n beyond) n anatomically correct icon symbols that many I/DD AAC users rely on, or slangs ppl use in bedrooms n casual friend convo n outside doctor office (imagine only able say words like “penis & testicles & vagina & intercourse & penetration” when have sex w partner), or even, bare minimum n not even enough of “private parts” n even that missing. whose AAC be programmed by other people (whether bc AAC user themself cannot or not allowed do it), other people can freely hide n delete words n undo changes others or AAC users made. who not be taught how to use these words.
disabled ppl who for whatever reason can’t masturbate cant have sex can’t talk about it can’t learn abt it whenever they n their sex partner want to bc of ableism
disabled people who not have sexual agency.
[tentative say this post 18- allow interact bc more… guess awareness? n do mention stuff related to minors… but rest of blog 18- minors DNI still apply]
