bella: *gets papercut*
edward: well the obvious solution here is to just drop-kick bella into the fucking wall
đ
Mike Driver
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36
almost home
Not today Justin

bliss lane
No title available
The Bowery Presents
Cosmic Funnies

Product Placement
noise dept.

ellievsbear
h
NASA
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
No title available
Xuebing Du
â

romaâ

seen from United States
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seen from Egypt
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seen from Poland

seen from Canada

seen from Lithuania
seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Germany
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@ofbloodwars
bella: *gets papercut*
edward: well the obvious solution here is to just drop-kick bella into the fucking wall
holy shit I havenât been on here in months. Â hey. Â my computer has also been broken for months which is probably why so Iâm on my stupid tablet that hates tumblr, but Iâm hoping to get my computer back tomorrowÂ
hello I am here to scream
Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.
Josephine Hart, Damage (via wordsnquotes)
âshit my brother has said / doneâ sentence meme.
â  how dare this light make me wait. ME. âÂ
â theyâre just jealous because iâm so beautiful. âÂ
â wot? you wonna go? iâll fight ya, ya dirty wanka. âÂ
â oop iâm going to have to poop later! âÂ
â just grab the fucking rope you piece of shit! âÂ
*lays head on your shoulder*
â I was not made for the mountains. fuckinâ wendingos man. â
â why the fuck is it so cold?! â
â thatâs not very ladylike. youâre not very ladylike. â
â why couldnât you have been a boy? Iâve always wanted a brother. â
â sometimes I literally just want to shake the stupidity out of people. â
â Iâm losing brain cells just being here please save me. â
â why the fuck arenât you grabbing it? just grab it! â
 â I canât. I just⌠canât. â
â ____ Itâs dark and I hear laughing. â
*tries to fight you*
*drunkenly tickles you*
â One of these days Iâm going to raise a dog army in the forests of Canada and unleash hell upon America. â
â please refrain yourself. â
â Â sh-sh-shut the fuck up. just shut the fuck up. â
â I have. to. pee. â
*lays on you and refuses to move*
Iâm so psyched this is so good, finally
   IT MUST BE THE ANIMALS.  THE LACK OF HUMAN BLOOD DRIVES THEM MAD EVENTUALLY.Â
P R A I S E THE GODS THEREâS FINALLY A PETER
PSA- I am horrible at smalltalk
This means that if I havenât contacted you lately itâs because I have nothing to say.
This means that if you contact me with a âhi, how are you?â Iâll answer and wait for you to say something, anything, more.Â
This means that when I crash in on you, itâll always seem like Iâm on a mission, even if that mission is to tell you what I had for lunch.
I donât want to feel like Iâm wasting your time or mine so I wonât contact you if I donât have anything I think youâd be interested in to talk about.Â
Always feel free to contact me if you feel you have something to say. Even if that is telling me about your fabulous lunch.Â
So basically, in summary: At least tell me about lunch, or an anecdote about your day, or your favorite color. Something, anything, and thatâll be enough for me.
Just avoid the dance that goes like this: âHi.â Hello. âHow are you?â Fine, you? âFine.âÂ
Because I wonât know what the hell else to say.
RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS
Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs.
Because most of them arenât mine, credits are at the end.
SHORT
âMarry me.â âDo you want me to leave?â âYou are not going without me.â âI canât believe you!â âI swear it wonât happen again.â âWhat did you say?â âIâm not jealous.â âYouâre jealous, arenât you?â âWe canât keep doing this.â âAre you sure this is legal?â âIsnât this amazing?â âIâm going to take care of you, okay?â âStay the night. Please.â âYou canât die. Please donât die.â âRun away with me.â âYou did WHAT?â âQuit whining.â âGet outta my sight!â âWhy are you so annoying?â âWere you ever going to tell me?â âNever in a million years.â âDonât ask me thatâŚâ âI might have had a few shots.â âWhatâs with the box?â âW- What are you doing?â âSay it!â âI could kiss you right now!â âAre you done with that?â âWhatâs going on here?â âStop pinning this on me! You started it!â âItâs your fault weâre in this mess.â âDid you do this on purpose?!â âKiss me.â âAre you still awake..?â âExcuse you?â âThis is all your fault!â âI canât believe you dragged me into this.â âDonât give me that look! It wasnât my fault!â âI shouldnât be in love with you!â âItâs not fair!â âI could kill you right now!â âKnock it off!â âScrew you!â âYouâre a complete moron!â âI love this song!â âI canât be in love with you!â âMake me.â âDonât tempt me.â âI hate you.â âYou are infuriating!â âJust shut up already.â âThat doesnât even make sense.â âBite me.â âEat me.â âKiss my ass.â âJust admit Iâm right.â âJust admit youâre wrong.â âYou are being ridiculous!â âThatâs irrational.â âListen to me!â âThatâs not what I meant and you know it.â âDonât yell at me.â âThatâs it. End of discussion.â âI donât believe you.â âYou shouldnât have said that.â âFuck you!â âShut your mouth before I shut it for you.â âHow dare you?â âI dare you!â âItâs you, itâs always been you.â âWell this is awkwardâŚâ âJust pretend to be my dateâ. Â
MISCELLANEOUS
âAre you really gonna leave without asking me the question youâve been dying to ask me?â âThe planet is fine. The people are fucked.â âI just did some calculations, and Iâve been able to determine that youâre full of shit.â âYou know what I like most about people? Pets.â âDo you ever think if people heard our conversations theyâd lock us up?â âWhat about a compromise? Iâll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, Iâll apologize.â âI donât hate you.. I just donât like that you exist.â âLove is the jelly to sunshineâs peanut butter. And if I tell you that Iâm in sandwich with you, Iâm not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.â âDo things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.â âDid you really just insult Captain America in front of me?â âCan I touch your boob?â âItâs not that youâre wrong, exactly, youâre just extremely not right.â âYou shouldnât be trusted with small children, should you?â âGive me cake or give me death.â âOn a scale from, âI can sometimes make important phone calls without cryingâ to âI have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worstâ, how much of an adult are you?â âYou think Iâm dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?â âDespite the cliche, itâs not me, itâs you.â âObviously you canât tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you canât.â âNo, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.â âWhen you love someone, you just donât stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy⌠even then. Specially then!â âIf youâre not scared, then youâre not taking a chance. If youâre not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?â âI think Iâve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.â âWhat have I told you about the toilet seat?â âI tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.â âI vote today to be a pajama day.â âYou have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that thatâs going to stop us, but at least Iâll have all the facts.â âI donât leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, Iâd talk to my VCR.â âI can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, Iâm totally flexible.â âYou know weâre suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.â âThose things you said yesterday⌠Did you mean them?â âIâm not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.â âWhat I hear when Iâm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.â âI am NOT crying, okay?! Iâm allergic to jerks!â âThis would not happen if I had a penis!â âThatâs almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.â âAll nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.â âI donât think Iâve ever played spin the bottle.â âSorry! I didnât mean to touch your butt.â âIâm ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.â âTo the night youâll never remember!â âExcuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?â âCould I sit here? All the other tables are full.â âAre you meeting someone here? Because.. I think Iâm that person.â âYou werenât supposed to laugh! Iâm so embarrassed!â âIt must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.â âDriver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.â âIâm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses arenât even hot.â âYou better take care of that car or I swear Iâll haunt your ass!â âThis is the dumbest thing youâve ever done.â âItâs a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.â âI could do that, but could doesnât mean would.â âYou cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I donât give.â âYouâre like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?â âI recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore itâ âDo you need me to kill someone for you?â âLook out where youâre going, asshole!â âFuck the sandwich guy!â âI did not mean for stripping to come out of this.â âThe whole street is blocked off. The police wonât tell us anything, but I think thereâs been some kind of attack⌠Maybe a bomb?â âOh my god, are you okay? Iâm calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.â âIâm weird, youâre weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasnât for the fact I find you repulsive.â âThere is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.â âIâm gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?â   âThereâs been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.â âItâs midnight, what do you want?â âI think I know how to use a bed.â âIf I wake up in the morning and Iâm dead⌠Wait.â âYou are completely unfit to handle a child.â âWe have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.â âDonât you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!â âWhen in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.â âItâs not a double date, weâre just third and forth wheeling.â
PREGNANCY
âI have something to tell youâŚâ âI think Iâm pregnant.â âIâm pregnant!â âWhen were you going to tell me that youâre pregnant?â âYouâre smart and successful with an adorable belly.â â$50 bucks says itâs a girl/boy.â âPregnancy suits youâŚâ âHello little one. We canât wait to meet youâŚâ âIâll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!â âThereâs someone Iâd like you to meetâŚâ âShh⌠He/sheâs sleeping..â âI have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.â âNo, no, no, no, no, we arenât ready⌠We arenât ready for kids yet!â âOh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!â
FLUFF
âYour hair is so softâŚâ âYouâre so cute when you pout like that!â âJust relax, Iâll wash your hair for you.â âIâm not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.â âWhat, does that feel good?â âHA! I found a weak-spot on you, didnât I?â âAre you wearing my shirt?â âYou are ridiculously comfortableâŚâ âIâve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle withâŚâ âYouâre so cute when youâre half asleep like thisâŚâ âYouâre beautiful, you know that?â âWe should get a puppy!â
STARGAZING
âArenât they beautiful?â âThese stars are nothing compared to the ones Iâve seen in your eyes.â âShooting star, make a wish.â âItâs actually a comet, but Iâll still make one.â âImagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.â âNever thought something so beautiful could exist in natureâŚâ âWouldnât it be cool to name a star after yourself?â âY'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.â âThis is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?â âIs that aâ Wait, no, just an airplane.â âI wouldnât mind falling asleep out here.
FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL
âDid you just⌠finish?â âThey always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.â âIâm not actually feeling anything.â âAre you getting any closer?â âWhy do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!â âDid something just happen? Youâre not turned on anymore.â âShit sorry, am I going too fast?â âWow, youâre hot.â âIs that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?â âHey, Iâm open minded.â âKeep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.â âI think itâs about time we stop avoiding the obvious.â âIâm gonna be honest with you. Iâm really horny, and youâre really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?â âI see someoneâs happy to see me.â âI saw that. You just checked me out.â âYou know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.â âTake off your clothes.â âTell all those other guys/girls you donât need them âcause you got me.â âDonât give me that face, itâs so cute I might not be able to hold back.â âBoobs are really just squishy pillows.â âIf you donât get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.â âBlasphemy! Sex solves everything.â âI platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.â
TEXTS
[text]: What do you want now? [text]: Do you want to bet on that? [text]: Guess who just got back in town. [text]: So I might be in a hospital right now⌠[text]: We canât keep doing this anymore! [text]: Come on, come to the party! [text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive. [text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up. [text]: I call bullshit. [text]: You thought you could get away with that, didnât you? [text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so donât say I never did anything for our friendship. [text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness. [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall. [text] Who says no to sex and donuts?! [text] I know what you did last summerâŚ
Sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
If ever you feel like an animal among men, be a lion
ppl should follow @esshearted, aleelaâs adopted daughter.
â Because I thought it would be too irresponsible to leave him out on the road like that, unconscious.  â She might have assaulted him, but god forbid Alice abandon the poor man in such a state. A shrug, she really doesnât know, though she can confirm she didnât SWING at him with all her might, even she had known that would be a bad idea. The point was to render him unconscious, not break his neck. â Probably. Weâre going to drop him off at his house, in his bed. Heâll think it was  a l l  a dream, or weâll make it look like that. Come on, I need an accomplice. Weâll be a regular Bonnie && Clyde.  â
âAh yes, because that would be rude, wouldnât it?â Â Jasper was positive someone wouldâve found him on the road anyway but sheâd already put the poor guy in the trunk. Â âYou direct, Iâll drive. Â Some crazy dream.â Â He slunk around to the other side of the car after giving her a quick kiss. Â âYou do know that Bonnie and Clyde died in the end, right? Â We could do this a lot faster if you didnât put him in the trunk.â
I didnât grow old or mature, I grew tired.
anon (via wnq-writers)
â any man will follow any feminine looking thing down any dark alley; iâve always wanted to see a man beaten to a shit bloody pulp with a high heeled shoe stuffed up his mouth, sort of the pig with the apple; it would be good to put him on a serving plate but youâd need good silver. youâre the piece of ass. heâs invulnerable, Â of course; its his right, to come after you; so if he follows you and you have the urge to SMASH HIM TO DEATH heâs asked for it, Â hasnât he?Â
                        i mean, he actually did ask for it. â
                           ALEELA KORIR. LAWYER. LIONESS. QUEEN.
Have I mentioned I am also trash for big cats...hence my interrupting cat noisesÂ
I still havenât made a wolf, why havenât I made a wolf. Â I have at least 5 new possible namesÂ