Office Girl

I type medical reports at an eye doctor's office. As if my wrists didn't hurt enough, I'm going to start blogging about it.

[officegirl]

Rock Doctors

Heard on a medical recording: 
“Copy report to patient’s PCP, which is…Dr….Keith Richard? Seriously? Ok, and send a copy to Dr. Mick Jagger while you’re at it.” Some of the doctors I work for are comedy gold.

[officegirl]

Heard on a medical recording: "Patient should follow up in 1 year, but to be completely honest, I wouldn't mind if you took these charming people off the recall list".

[officegirl]

How often?

When you type at a doctor's office, you have to learn medical lingo. You know those weird abbreviations you see scribbled in universally horrendous doctor handwriting on all your prescriptions? BID, PO, QOD? That's the doctor telling the pharmacist how much, how often and in what orifice you have to stick your medicine. There are lots of them and I have to remember all that crap. One that you see a lot in medical reports in my office is "prn". It means "as needed" and usually refers to how often you can use eye drops or when you should come back to see the doctor. It comes from the term "pro re nata" which is Latin for "whenever the fuck you want". Recently I came across a report from 2007 (before my time!) that made me giggle. One of my coworkers had made the unfortunate typo of turning the acronym "prn" into the word "porn". So the report read something like: "Patient to return upon receipt of test results. Thereafter, recheck porn." This has been in our system for SEVEN years....annnnnnnd it'll be there for more because I decided not to change it :) Maybe it'll make someone else giggle in another 7 years.

[officegirl]

Sink hole

The sink's broken again. It has to be donkey punched to be turned off. I'm putting bets on how many kitchen floods it'll take the bosses to fix it. I'm putting my pithy little paycheck on 3.

[officegirl]

Out of the office exploits

Today my dog went to the vet and got his nails clipped, which is clearly his personal Vietnam. He got so upset that he took several large dumps on the table, the vet tech’s scrubs, his leash, his tail and my mood. I was so embarrassed and apologized profusely but everyone was very nice about it. But as my humiliation came down from code red, the vet tech came out and I heard her tell her coworker that he had actually shit inside her pocket as well, and got poop on her iPhone. My face immediately become so pale and my cheeks so red, I probably looked like a kabuki mask. I should probably send them a gift basket or something so they don’t fire me as a patient. At least I never got shit on at my office. That’s one thing I can hold onto.

[officegirl]

I don't know if you can see it very well, but that sliver of silver is a paper clip I dropped between my keys about.... 2.5 yrs ago. Still haven't bothered to get it out.

[officegirl]

Super Bored

How soon is too soon to leave the company Facebook conversation about Super Bowl betting? I thought 30 seconds might look rude. Maybe I'll wait 45 seconds. I don't like talking to you at work. What makes you think I'll like corresponding electronically?

[officegirl]

Bagel glue

"How do they keep the toppings on a bagel? Is it a glaze? Like bagel glue?" - dumbass with whom I work.

[officegirl]

Turkey first, then the fat man.

My coworkers are singing christmas carols right now. Loudly and terribly off-key, might I add. Notice also that today’s date is November 13th.

[officegirl]

This is what I look like after someone puts a mug back in the closet that still has water in it. I looked inside to see if it was clean and was met with a torrent of dusty day old water. Ah, what a joy it is to spend my days with the brain trust that I work with.

[officegirl]

Office instead please.

My cat just projectile vomited on my hands and feet so I guess I’ll just give up on ever feeling clean again. I feel like this is foreshadowing for what’s going to happen tomorrow at my cousin’s wedding, except the cat will be my family and the vomit will be criticism of how I live my life. Probably the only time I ever wished I had to work on a Sunday.

[officegirl]

The next person who sneezes and then says “I think I’m allergic to work!” is going to get a face full of fist. I swear to God.

[officegirl]

Today is my four year anniversary working for this pit. How innocent I was to think I’d keep this job for maybe a year until my real career took off. Oh well, at least I get a raise.

[officegirl]

Backstory or How I Got the Job

The story starts with my sister Lee.She got a job as a receptionist in February of 2008 at the office of a group of doctors on Long Island, where we live. Our friend had worked there for some years and suggested the job to Lee, who was interviewed and promptly hired.

Three months later, her office manager mentioned they needed a part-time medical transcriptionist. Lee knew I hated my then-job as a photographer at a retail portrait studio and suggested it to me. I was interviewed and promptly hired. I started in May of 2008.

Three years later. Discontented and stuck. But trying to look on the bright side.

[officegirl]

There was a flood in the office today because there is a phantom who turns the faucet on at night (aka my coworkers are so stupid they can forget to shut the water off). Everything is moldy and it smells like some serious rotten butt in here. Worse than the time K left her brussel sprouts open in the fridge for 3 weeks. Eww my god.

[officegirl]

Office Christmas party. Quite fun this year with games and whatnot. However, I did get 100 bucks less in my Christmas bonus this year so someone could get a kindle fire in the raffle…..but that’s par for the course by now :/ sigggghhhhh. At least the food was good :)

[officegirl]

The edges of patients’ charts are about the equivalent of 10 pieces of loose leaf paper (or not, I don’t care enough to check). The point is that they’re way thicker than paper so when they cut you, it’s like a paper cut with ‘roid rage. Today I got a chart cut on the delicate webbing between my dainty typist’s fingers. OWWWWW. That shit hurts. And now I have the most awkward uncomfortable bandaid on which makes it mostly impossible to type. The only comfortable position to hold it in is a fist, which is convenient because I usually walk around all day ready to punch my coworkers anyway.