¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tumblr is where I come to write the trash I cannot tweet

[zuccninis]

Jammy enjoys their first snow

[frontmansdefender]

[official-yeehaw]

anonymously running a popular meme page would be great because I could write completely unhinged captions about wanting tall powerful women to step on me and thousands of people would be forced to look at it but no one could judge me in a way that matters

[d0nn0-deactivated20150125]

Finish this christmas song! Dashing through the

[lorddarkfetus-deactivated201503]

supermarket hurredly, i need to find syrup. i need all the syrup i can buy. enough to fill 4 bathtubs. im going to cover myself in syrup and slide around the ground to acheive maximum velocity. get ready world im coming your way fast

[celebrityho]

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

[breadseed]

Wtf did I just watch

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

Snoop dogg just invented coinstar for cheese

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

not to alarm anyone but if u look at the moon with one eye and then close it and open the other one you see another identical moon a little bit to the left. why has science covered up the existence of this second, secret moon? we are the people and we demand answers

[tattoos-and-disappointment]

Parallax, my friend

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

thats a stupid name. it should be called “moon 2″

[dreamscapeby009soundsystem-deac]

me:

you:

[beysexuality]

*Beyoncé voice* Okay ladies now just what in Tarnation

[sabertoothwalrus]

I wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person I see whose mask is pulled too low

[barbie2023]

can’t explain it but the kitchen is the most romantic room in a house

[russkiizek-deactivated20210424]

it’s where the aroma of garlic happens so ya it is 

[snypro]

[hedestroyedhiscage-deactivated2]

being a lesbian in college is like: *takes lead on group project* *craves validation from woke male professor* *goes to lgbt identity based group like one time and hates it* *is ignored by straight guys* *makes 50th failed attempt to talk to The Other Lesbian*

[emoticons-translated]

[audreyhepbuns]

Please don’t post any Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015) spoilers.

[ltc-kilgore-deactivated20181027]

alvin is killed by his son simon

[pdlcomics]

Nothing Scares Me

[toastbutteregg]

Source: The Funniest Tweets of the Decade