2015 has been a rollercoaster. At times it felt like I had lost all faith in humanity, but I also felt so proud to be a citizen of this planet. The truth is, the world keeps spinning regardless of the good and bad we've endured. This year we loved, we lost, we hurt, but most importantly, we learned. I started 2015 off with a naive hope that everything would be perfect. The truth was, anything that's real is never perfect. A few weeks into the year, I lost someone who was very close to me. I didn't think losing her would affect me as much as it did, considering we rarely had one on one conversations. But her death, as painful as it was, made me realize something so important. I realized that I had wasted so much time on things that meant nothing, instead of spending it with those that meant everything. It was rough, no doubt. I felt selfish for grieving but not grieving hurt so much more. I learned that there is a line between selflessness and self hate. I learned that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. There is an equilibrium. Don't be so selfish that you can't see anyone's needs but your own, but don't be so selfless that you put everything above your needs. I still haven't implemented that completely, but I have learned to accept it.
A few months after the inexplicable loss I experienced, I felt another foreign sensation; pride. I've mentioned this before, but we're built, as humans, to see the worst in ourselves. I've spent many years doing that, but this foreign sensation somehow seeped through the cracks. In April, a team that I had invested months of my time into, a team that showed me the better in me, a team that I was on, was rewarded. April 16th, 2015. That was the day that my friends, or rather my family, won the first Canadian Young Social Innovators award. It was thrilling. Months and months of work went into this project, and surely we saw the difference it made in other people's lives. On that day, like many other days in the year, I realized that that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to make a difference in someone's life. I thought that the only way for me to do that was through a grand action, but I was proven wrong. I learned that one person was enough. One person could change the course of someone's life and that's what I've always aspired to do, and I achieved that in 2015.
A few weeks passed, again, and I felt an impending darkness. My life was flipped upside down. Well, I suppose that might be a bit dramatic. My school board was on strike. We were out of school for 3 and a half weeks. If you know me at all, you know how much school means to me. Trust me, it has nothing to do with academics. Though most people only see school as an academic institution, I see it as so much more. School is somewhere where I am able to be myself and foster my growth. The people that I go to school with inspire me everyday. Every morning during the announcements, someone is being acknowledged for an accomplishment and it's wonderful. It makes me feel empowered. I've been told countless times that I'm too young to understand something, but surely we are the future. We are a generation of dreamers, believers and optimists, it may sound naive, but we are the ones that are going to make this world a better place. I began to understand my worth during this time period, and it was exhilarating.
Summer passed in a blur, and soon it was September. This was it, senior year of high school. I strived to make it my best year, recognizing the mistakes I had made in the previous school year. I wanted my last year of high school to be filled with memories, and sure, I was under a lot of pressure because I had to think about the future, my future. It wasn't only me that felt this pressure, all around me everyone was shaking with stress and anxiety, disregarding everything that was happening. In the midst of all this crippling fear of the future, I decided that I wasn't going to sleepwalk through my last year. I told myself that everything was going to be okay, and hell it was ridiculously difficult, but I made the best of it.
Late October, I was still a bundle of nerves, but one event caused me to straighten myself out. As everything was unfolding, tests and assignments were being thrown my way, but I finished strong. On October 21st, I was presented with an honourable accomplishment, I had received the Sandy Ransom Award for Student Leadership. I was terrified. I thought it was a mistake. I couldn't, for the life of me, believe that it was being presented to me. But, once again, I was proven wrong when I saw that my name was engraved on a wooden plaque. Still, I was so engulfed with self doubt that I couldn't see that I had done something wonderful. Of course, as the cynic, I still have trouble believing it sometimes. In that moment, when I saw my parents cheering for me and smiling at me, I learned another important lesson; those who love you the most sometimes believe in you more than you can believe in yourself. It was the look on their faces that made me want to be better. I had seen this same look of pride on their faces at my sisters' graduation, and it caused me to feel something warm inside. I loved that feeling. I aspired to feel it again someday.
November was a blur, but different than the summer. We were given workshops and presentations about post secondary decisions, something I had been thinking about since the first day of school. I couldn't decide. I weighed all the odds. There were a few schools that had what I wanted, but distance was a problem. Some schools had the best academics, but I knew myself. I needed a school that would be like a home, not a prison. I needed a place that would motivate me to work, not make me want to compete. Yes, I know this line of thinking seems stupid to some people, but it was all I wanted. I wanted to be educated through student experience, not strictly through a textbook. That's when I discovered Wilfrid Laurier University. It looked like it was the best contender to my, I suppose, diverse, needs.
The last few weeks of school before winter break were a flurry. I felt like I was drowning under assignments. I finally managed to apply to university a few days before the break started. To my surprise, when I opened my email on the last day of school, I had an offer. Laurier, as you recall, my dream school had sent me a letter of acceptance. It was a great start to winter break, but I was beyond shocked. I applied on Tuesday, and on Friday I had an offer waiting in my inbox. Laurier had accepted me for their Global Studies program. My mind circled with self doubt again. I thought it was a mistake and I was close to emailing the admissions office to make sure it wasn't. The offer lingered in my head, as much as I wanted to go to Laurier, I was terrified. I was afraid that I wasn't ready. I still am. But what I've realized throughout this crazy, terrifying, anxiety-inducing year, is that it doesn't matter what I do, I will never be ready. Life is a phenomenon that you can't prepare for. The only thing you can do is brace yourself for what going to happen, and make sure that when something happens, you don't lose sight of what's truly important to you.
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