Isak

Isak Whiteley. 30 yrs. Dancer at Belladonna.

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

Max whimpered, shifting to put his weight on the other with a whine. Hospital? No no no. “We’ll be there all night.” Max whined. “I’m fine- we can ice it at home? And then tomorrow we can go to the hospital. I’m not dying.” But was Max clinging for dear life? Absolutely. He didn’t even trust his eyes to see straight right now. “I promise I’m okay. Promise promise promise.” He tried to smile,  “There’s going to be so many more people who need real help. I just…bumped my head.” 

Isak felt his heart lurch and constrict hearing such a pained sound from Max. Just the sight of his boyfriend like this was putting him into overdrive, feeling panic stricken and desperate to figure out how to solve this as quickly as possible so Max wouldn’t be in pain for too long. “Well at least we’ll get pain meds and help there..” he said, unable not to sound a little harsh in response to the protest. If the roles were reversed, Max would not let him go hime in a state like this. “Ice it? Your ankle needs more than ice Max and you might have a concussion and need stitches I..” Isak felt overwhelmed but also torn. If he didn’t push for the right decision here he would be feeling so damn guilty and stressed about how Max was doing later. “But Max.. I just... we can’t handle this all alone..” he bit his lip, torn between pushing some more and giving in and giving it an hour or so and then opting to push for the hospital again later. 

[offtherxils]

Feyre & Isak | Text

Feyre: I'm okay, I think.

Feyre: Where are you???

Feyre: Are you okay??

Isak: You think????

Isak: Thank god I found him.

Isak: We're by the cotton candy booth. I'm fine but Max is not..

[maxwell--carter]

It had been a good week, Max really had nothing to complain about, aside from the trips he’d have to take to the gym to work off the excess sugars he had this week. But that was tomorrow Max’s problem. Today he was off to find the cotton candy and ride the ferris wheel with the absolute love of his life like he was in some cheesy netflix teen rom com. And he was perfectly content with that.

With a quick kiss on the cheek, Max saw the opportunity. “There’s no line for cotton candy, you stay here and I’ll go grab some for us to share on the ride?” With a quick squeeze of his hand, the head of curls took off for the stand. Isak was still just in his line of sight when one of the generators exploded, no one had seen the fire yet. He was shoved, his ankle twisting, sending shooting pain up his leg, while falling into the booth and hitting his head rather hard. He was dizzy, for sure, his forehead bleeding- but every instinct in his body was telling him to get up and get back to Isak. He ran away last time, he wasn’t about to lose what little family he had left. 

“Izzy?” Max was limping, looking around for anything or anyone that could help. “Isak?” @offtherxils​

[offtherxils]

The past week had been so incredibly peaceful, Isak knew that he had to push himself to see his detox trough. Which was why he was determined that tomorrow morning they would go to the hospital and Max would stay with him until the intake paperwork was all done, and he’d finally commit himself like he should have done the first time. Not just for himself but for Max, and for the sake of them. Right now though he was enjoying this last hurrah of being at the carnival with the love of his life. Simply stuffing themselves with sugar and going on silly rides. 

Turning sideways in response to the kiss, Isak arched a curious brow, listening to the proposal. “Alright babe. Don’t rush okay, this is the slowest line..” he said with a soft smile, squeezing his hand back before letting go, only briefly shifting his attention to the person in line in front of him before his eyes easily found his boyfriends curly top, easy to see across from where he was standing. Then something exploded, and chaos ensued. Isak was forced to step backwards as people were screaming and running. As the panic spread, more people began to run towards the exits, one of them shoving Isak out of the way hard enough for him to loose his balance and end up on his ass, swearing as he was forced to roll on the ground to avoid legs of people rushing past, seeming not to care who they hit. He didn’t really feel the bruise on his rear or the smaller cuts on his knees and palms as he jumped back up on two feet, dread filling him as he searched for Max. Where the fuck was he!? Making his way towards the cotton candy booth, Isak was prepared this time when someone almost ran into him, pushing his elbow out to ward them off. 

Finally locating those dark curles, Isak cursed out loud, running over to Max. “Shit you’re bleeding. Here lean on me.” he said, pulling his arm over his shoulders to support Max. “We need to get you to the hospital.” The angle of that ankle was not looking good, and he most likely needed stitches. 

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

Max perked up at games, looking around now and nearly tugging Isak along. “I suppose I could take a sugar break.” He hummed, knowing he’s had his fill. “Games first? And then we can definitely share a cotton candy. You pick the first one, what prizes do you want?” 

Isak smiled sheepishly, curious to see what kind of games there were to play, even if he suspected most were rigged. No carnival he had ever been to had games that were easy to win at. “See I think that might be wise.” he could not help but note. “Games it is. You’ve got yourself a deal. Okay, hmm lets see.” he took a look at the booths, not really considering prizes but the actual games themselves. “How about the Fish ‘N Dip?” he suggested, pointing to the booth. 

[offtherxils]

Feyre & Isak | Text

Isak: Fey? Are you okay?

Isak: Fuck I can't find Max...

Isak: Feyre!!

[maxwell--carter]

“Guess who’s going to have to carry me home when I die of a sugar coma~” Max sang, biting into yet another fried oreo and watching the other. Things were good, things have been so good lately. They were exclusive, he and Isak. Things were super easy once more, Max’ hand slipping into Isak’s and fingers lacing together. “We haven’t even hit the cotton candy yet, and I’ve seen people walking around with cotton candy the size of their heads.” @offtherxils​

[offtherxils]

“Oh no I’m definitely cutting you off when you can no longer walk straight.” Isak teased right back with a chuckle, smiling back at Max. They were in a rare good place, and it was worth celebrating to him. And even though he found carnivals to be a bit odd and somewhat cheesy, he would go anywhere to be with his boyfriend. Squeezing Max’s hand when he felt the others close around his own, walking side by side among the boots. “Guess that should be our next stop then. Though if they have cotton candy that large we best share one.” he noted with a grin. “Wanna play some games after?” 

[offtherxils]

He had been stewing all morning, telling himself he could make it trough the day. That if he only managed to stay clean until this afternoon, he would be alright. Yet after going trough all of his jeans and jacket pockets, Isak had located a small bag of H, and he had found it impossible to put it down for the past hour. So instead of waiting around at home, he’d decided to head to the bakery early. Hopefully he could just get something to drink and hang out there until Max was done at work. 

Stepping inside, he smiled a bit as he located Feyre behind the counter. “Hey Fey. Could I have a cup of black coffee?” he asked, intending to reach for a glass of water while he waited, though forgetting the bag in his hand. With a small thud it landed on the counter between them, making Isak curse under his breath. 

@feyre-marlowe​

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

The human’s heart actually fluttered, his entire attention turning to focus now on the man on his lap. Isak was talking exclusivity, which was the root for his guilt for a little while now. Max wanted that- to be able to ignore some of the looks the duo got when they were out and about, but it was hard knowing that he still shared that aspect of isak. But he was suggesting… “Both of those things sound lovely, Izzy.” It was hard not to want to kiss him again, to want more with him now. But this conversation was important. “The city would pick up what we needed.” He hummed, “Bills and food wise. They pay a decent part of the rent now and I just use that for groceries….or therapy.” Or put it into savings.

“Quitting is an option.” He nodded, “And I’d be there every day, with snacks in hand.” He hummed, watching him carefully. “You really want this? Y-you seemed deadset against it the other day.” 

Isak knew the exclusivity thing had been kind of an elephant in the room with them. He suspected it was what Max was craving, and normally he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But ever since their reunion Isak had tried to make sure Max had an out. And with his work at the club that had sort of been its own excuse. Now that they were talking frankly though, laying it all out there, he knew it was time to bring it up. He didn’t want to share Max, and Max shouldn’t have to share him with anyone. “I’m glad you think so, though I figured.” he said with a wry smile. Part of him really wanted to turn around and leave the talking at that. But Max pushed on and so he stayed where he was. “Okay, well thats not too bad I guess.” It meant they had a security net, which was unusual but then again a great reason for living here. 

“Yeah.. I mean I just don’t know how else to get away from the environment..” he admitted with a small sigh. The promise of him being there every day took a lot of the pressure off though. A silver lining, not being alone. “Thank you.” he murmured. The question was.. hella loaded, which made it difficult to reply to. “Right now, clear headed and sober, yes I do. I’d taken a shitload the night before though.. and I was feeling so guilty for lying to you and letting you down. I wasn’t in a great head space. I wasn’t willing to see the damage my addiction was making to us.. but I am now.” 

[maxwell--carter]

offtherxils​:

Despite the ache in his body, Isak felt entirely at ease like this, easily soothed by the combination of Max’s touch and sitting close, just being together in all its simplicity. This was one of the biggest tells he’d ever had that they were right for one another. Or rather that he was right for Max. There had never been a question in his mind whether the other was right for him. He’d known that from his early teens.

His heart picked up speed at the admission, having to fight the urge to turn, wanting to see his boyfriends face. “Yeah? Mine too.” He replied, smiling wryly for a moment. Though it was probably good that their 16 year old selves hadn’t had this conversation. Then again Isak knew he had been far to awkward for it at that age.

Taking a deep breath, he tilted his head a little in thought, a small chuckle crossing his lips just from hearing the other laugh.. “Well I suppose that’s also one of the things I’d want to change. You know, feeling trapped and stuck.” Clearing his throat a little, Isak knew what he wanted to say, though it was also hard to. If he couldn’t live up to it then he’d just end up disappointing Max even more. “Look I know my addiction is the root of pretty much every issue I have, and it’s the only big issue we’ve had. So obviously, I do want to be sober in the future.” he began, calm but slightly exhasperated at himself, having such a hard time putting it into words because he knew that came with a certain committment. “Probably have a different job that didn’t enable like it does.. more friends who were sober.” Isak ticked off, his list obviously longer than one Max would be able to come up with.”Having you all to myselfin every way.” Swallowing a little hard his voice sunk several decibels adding that last one. “For you to be able to trust me..”

.

Max’s fingers stilled, listening to him and nodding. It was hard for Max to not just point fingers, he wanted to just agree. He leaned down- pressing a kiss to the man’s temple, fingers moving once more. “That’s the future I want to be around for.” He mumbled, watching the other carefully.

“Well for starters,” He watched for a second, “Aside from work, I’m all yours. Unless you mean ‘Tavia too.”  Which would be a hard conversation to have. He adored Octavia, and would feel like a hypocrite after all the shit he started and talked about the Princess’ fiance. “And I do trust you. I trust this version of you.” He hummed, fingers carding through his hair and watching him. “What do I need to do to help better? What can we work toward?”

[offtherxils]

Isak suspected that he was hitting the nail on the head when it came to most of the things Max might have pointed out as well. They had talked about him finding another job before, though every time he tried to go trough with it, he found himself panicking. Not because of the drugs, but because all he really knew how to do was dance. He had no other education and well aside from comics and occasionally working out, Isak had no interests that gave him the knowledge to work in a different field. The possibility of him changing work and then being miserable with the work was very high. The feel of lips against his skin tingled, making Isak smile a little despite the difficult conversation. “Then we’re getting somewhere.” he noted, not nodding as he didn’t want the fingers in his hair to disappear. 

Clearing his throat a little, not sure whether to find the response endearing or amusing, perhaps a bit of both, Isak realized he needed to clarify. “I mean romantically. Sexually. I don’t want to share you in those aspects, and you shouldn’t have to share me with anyone either.” he explained, albeit a little carefully, given that he was fairly sure Max had everything on the clean side there too. Again he was the one with a job that often prompted one to have to cross those lines. “Sorry this version of me haven’t been around for a while.” It wasn’t odd that he didn’t trust the person he became under the influence. Because that guy wasn’t reliable. “Would we starve if I were to quit my job and look for a new one? Because I know that means I won’t be able to contribute in the meantime. I just don’t think waiting to do so until I have a new one is the safest solution.” Thinking a little, he considered the whole ordeal of rehab. If he went, then he wouldn’t be a burden during the downtime. The cost was high, but the reward was higher. “If I check myself into the program.. come see me every day?” 

[feyre-marlowe]

offtherxils​:

He could tell her wheels were spinning, though he found it hard to focus on one thing for too long. Any high came with a trance like state as his heart rate and breathing decreased and the sensation of euphoria set in. Most of the time Isak felt invincible yet very relaxed when on H and for someone who had struggled with anxiety and various degrees of depression for large chunks of his life it was just amazing to feel differently. “Three cups, alright.” he agreed with a grin, winding his pinkie around hers to make that pinkie promise, excitement coursing trough him at her assent. 

Grabbing her hand, he tugged her out on the dance floor, placing his other hand on the small of her back. Lucky for him, his countless hours of ballet and ball room dancing ensured that he didn’t have to think too much about leading her around on the floor. nor was he above showing off a bit by having her twirl and leading into a few dips. 

This night had already made the young witch thankful for the dance lessons she had received when she was younger. Those, in addition to Kane taking her out to the dance floor for a few songs, made her confident enough in her dancing that she was able to follow Isak’s lead smoothly. Even though she worried and still brainstormed what she could do in her buzzed state, she didn’t step on any toes. 

And, for a few moments, the girl actually had some fun. She laughed as her friend dipped her, holding onto his arms just to make sure he wouldn’t drop her on her head in his current condition, and twirled when led to do so, her dress a purple and yellow blur. “Can there be ballroom nights at the club?” Feyre pondered, “Or, if there was a place we could do this all of the time. I would pay so much money.” 

She glanced around the ballroom as he twirled her around, hoping to see a familiar face. Max, her mother, the regent. Anyone who she could ask for help once the dance was done. She searched to no avail, as she was turned to face him once more. “Actually, I think you could make a good buck teaching people to dance like this,” She smiled up at him.

[offtherxils]

Whenever he danced, his worries fell away. It was the kind of tranquility that not even the drugs could replicate, allowing your body to do the thinking for you, moving in sync with the music and loosing yourself to the flow and rhythm of it. Isak had loved to dance his entire life. As a child he had been severely bullied until he was able to hit back for being in ballet and dancing during recess with the girls. As a grown up, before his addiction woes, he had thrown himself into gaining a dance education and becoming the best he could be, regardless of how many hours of training or stretching and classes it took, he had never questioned his dedication to the art. 

Dancing with someone who knew how to move themselves made it even easier and more fun. It allowed him to simply lead and take her cues which after a lot of partner dancing came quite naturally to him. Her question made him chuckle. “I wish but I don’t know if the owner is open to it. The younger generation isn’t as keen on trying out older dance styles. I wish someone would open a studio here though.” he noted, even while under the influence he could dream of teaching at a studio. 

The swirling motions were so much fun he had a hard time not laughing, barely aware that they might need to take a break soon as his balance would eventually falter. “I could probaby yeah.” he agreed, nodding with a smile. Noticing she seemed a little preoccupied he moved them to the edge of the floor before stopping. “We can grab something to drink?” he suggested.  

[maxwell--carter]

offtherxils​:

Only you / Max&Isak

It was always miserable, waking up alone. But waking up alone, not only with a headache, but retching so hard down the toilet boil he thoughts his guts would come out, feeling weak and entirely gutted, was the most miserable Isak had been in a long while. He had ended up lying for hours on the bathroom floor, contemplating what the hell he was doing and how on earth he was supposed to turn this around. Because it was painfully clear that if he kept this up.. well he wouldn’t live for long. And that made him ponder if he was willing to sacrifice everything else, for something as pointless as drugs. 

By the time he heard the door being unlocked and Max coming home, Isak had done some serious soul searching while sticking to water and PB and J sandwiches. Being fully sober for more than an hour for the first time in over a month was a challenge, but the clarity sobriety brought made the fight worth fighting. 

“Can we talk?” he asked once his better half.. the love of his life, the only guy he wanted, walked into the kitchen. “I’m sober. I swear.” Considering that he should swear on something that really mattered, Isak took a deep breath. “I swear on your life. Cause if you don’t already know, I love you and you really are all that matters to me Max.” 

@maxwell–carter​

,

There was a bliss that came with work. He knew the routine, he knew what typcially came next. He learned the few auditory cues that meant charlie was coming around the corner and to stay out of her way. Work was one of his favorite places anymore. It offered a sense of safety that other’s now lacked. 

The past few weeks, Max was just…existing. He’d stay away from Isak when he was high, but always at just enough distance that if something happened he was there. But he had grown accustomed to leaving and the other not waking, and to doing a little bit more on his own. Coming home, always with a few snacks in hand in hopes that they’d do some good, was always met with anxiety. Part of him was always worried about what he was walking into . 

There was movement in the apartment, which offered safety in itself. He’s awake and okay. Max moved throughout the apartment, changing before returning to the kitchen to snag a cup of coffee. Listening, there was a part of his brain that had to consciously bite back the snide remarks the other said. Max knew they weren’t helpful, and stemming from his own exhaustion. 

Taking the coffee from the maker, Max turned, leaning against the counter as he sipped the hot drink. “I love you too. Always will.” He hummed. “What’s going on?” 

[offtherxils]

Despite the ache in his body, Isak felt entirely at ease like this, easily soothed by the combination of Max’s touch and sitting close, just being together in all its simplicity. This was one of the biggest tells he’d ever had that they were right for one another. Or rather that he was right for Max. There had never been a question in his mind whether the other was right for him. He’d known that from his early teens.

His heart picked up speed at the admission, having to fight the urge to turn, wanting to see his boyfriends face. “Yeah? Mine too.” He replied, smiling wryly for a moment. Though it was probably good that their 16 year old selves hadn’t had this conversation. Then again Isak knew he had been far to awkward for it at that age.

Taking a deep breath, he tilted his head a little in thought, a small chuckle crossing his lips just from hearing the other laugh.. “Well I suppose that’s also one of the things I’d want to change. You know, feeling trapped and stuck.” Clearing his throat a little, Isak knew what he wanted to say, though it was also hard to. If he couldn’t live up to it then he’d just end up disappointing Max even more. “Look I know my addiction is the root of pretty much every issue I have, and it’s the only big issue we’ve had. So obviously, I do want to be sober in the future.” he began, calm but slightly exhasperated at himself, having such a hard time putting it into words because he knew that came with a certain committment. “Probably have a different job that didn’t enable like it does.. more friends who were sober.” Isak ticked off, his list obviously longer than one Max would be able to come up with.”Having you all to myselfin every way.” Swallowing a little hard his voice sunk several decibels adding that last one. “For you to be able to trust me..”

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

With a soft nod, Max at least understood. He hadn’t been the most supportive through this either. Though he was careful…he didn’t want to teeter the line between supportive and enabling. “No you’re right. Those things do evolve to that later. But I’m not… I mean… I’m not your mom, Iz.” He cringed a little. “Some things…some people are worth fighting for. Even if it’s hard and stressful. It’s what family is supposed to do- help eachother. Throw a rope down into the metaphorical hole that we find ourselves in.” 

 Fingers settled into the man’s hair with a sigh. He was hot to the touch, and it broke his heart. At least he wasn’t lying this time. “You’re my person, at the very least. Even if we’re not a we as you said. I’d be a damn shitty best friend if I let you fight this all on you own.” 

Isak knew it was wrong of him, to wish for a future together. To want to at some point be legally bound and share the same last name, heck, share everything. But if he was worried things were bad for Max now, being tied to him just emotionally, he couldn’t imagine what it might be like if he was tied to him legally too.. “I know we slipped right back into things without needing to think, and I’m not sorry we did, and I do want to be with you. Not just now as a boyfriend but.. I want it all with you Max. Marriage, hose, kids, growing old together. But I don’t know how to protect you from the guy I become when on drugs..” The mention of his mother made him grimace, hell the comparison was way off. “You are nothing remotely like her.” he felt the need to state right away. That poor excuse of a parent.. if life had taught him anything it was how real parents would never act like his mother had. 

“You are helping me. All the time, more than you know. And you’re the only family I have left. Thats not lost on me.” he would normally have sighed with a sense of sadness, though the feel of those fingers against his scalp ensured it was one of relaxation instead. “Is it selfish? To want to be a we, yet not wanting you to feel like you’re trapped with me?” Shitty best friend. No, he could never be that. “You’re an amazing best friend.”  

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

Max watched, sighing softly. The waves of discomfort spread throughout the room. “Didn’t think we stopped being a we on my end.” He hummed, sipping his coffee and watching the other for a few seconds before sighing. “I can be frustrated with your addiction and still love you Izzy.” He took a sip again, before putting the cup down and moving away from the counter. He would snag the man’s hand on the way by, pulling him to their couch. “C’mere, you look like you’re going to fall over.” 

Max settled, patting his lap with a hum. “Free head massages, today only. Only the head above the waist.” It was matched with a smirk. He so badly wanted to fall into what they used to be. To just pretend that nothing was wrong and be his happy and lovey self.. “I want to love all versions of you, for the record. It’s just…hard for me to love that version of you.” 

Isak bit his lip, not entirely sure how to counter that. Then again it was a damned familiar head space this one. Constantly feeling like he didn’t deserve Max at all yet being told that he still wanted to be together. That his feelings hadn’t changed. “I.. and you don’t think that we shouldn’t? I don’t deserve you. I want to but we both know that I don’t.” Pinching the bridge between his nose and forehead, Isak searched for the right words, wanting to express his thoughts and feelings adequately but constantly finding himself short of words. “Yeah, for right now.. at this rate frustration is goin to turn to bitterness and resentment damn quick. Which I totally deserve.” he said with a small head shake. Being pulled over to the couch, Isak didn’t have much resistance in him. All he wanted was to slip back into that familiar, safe closeness they’d always had and pretend everything was okay. But if they didn’t talk then the vicious circle would just continue.. 

Good naturedly rolling his eyes, Isak sat down where Max clearly wanted him, smiling softly. “Alright, I’ll bite.” he agreed, not about to pass on an opportunity to be touched and cared for. After all no one did better head massages. Not that he’d truly tested that theory given that Max was the only one that had been allowed that close to his head and hair. “I know you do.. I’m just scared.. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to realize you don’t want to put up with this bullshit and leave me in the hole I’ve dug for myself.”  

[offtherxils]

feyre-marlowe​:

Was it possible to sweat out H? Would a higher heart rate help? As hard as she thought back to the medical book she had read that were left behind at the house, she couldn’t remember. She gave a hesitant nod, hoping that a little bit of movement would help the junk leave his system. “Okay. But you’re drinking at least three cups of water after. Got it?” She held out her pinkie finger to Isak, a small smile on her face, despite her worry. Again, she wasn’t sure if it would actually help, but water couldn’t hurt right? 

She took a step in the direction of the dance floor, praying to whoever or whatever the heck was up there that this wasn’t a bad idea. 

He could tell her wheels were spinning, though he found it hard to focus on one thing for too long. Any high came with a trance like state as his heart rate and breathing decreased and the sensation of euphoria set in. Most of the time Isak felt invincible yet very relaxed when on H and for someone who had struggled with anxiety and various degrees of depression for large chunks of his life it was just amazing to feel differently. “Three cups, alright.” he agreed with a grin, winding his pinkie around hers to make that pinkie promise, excitement coursing trough him at her assent. 

Grabbing her hand, he tugged her out on the dance floor, placing his other hand on the small of her back. Lucky for him, his countless hours of ballet and ball room dancing ensured that he didn’t have to think too much about leading her around on the floor. nor was he above showing off a bit by having her twirl and leading into a few dips. 

[offtherxils]

maxwell--carter​:

There was a bliss that came with work. He knew the routine, he knew what typcially came next. He learned the few auditory cues that meant charlie was coming around the corner and to stay out of her way. Work was one of his favorite places anymore. It offered a sense of safety that other’s now lacked. 

The past few weeks, Max was just…existing. He’d stay away from Isak when he was high, but always at just enough distance that if something happened he was there. But he had grown accustomed to leaving and the other not waking, and to doing a little bit more on his own. Coming home, always with a few snacks in hand in hopes that they’d do some good, was always met with anxiety. Part of him was always worried about what he was walking into . 

There was movement in the apartment, which offered safety in itself. He’s awake and okay. Max moved throughout the apartment, changing before returning to the kitchen to snag a cup of coffee. Listening, there was a part of his brain that had to consciously bite back the snide remarks the other said. Max knew they weren’t helpful, and stemming from his own exhaustion. 

Taking the coffee from the maker, Max turned, leaning against the counter as he sipped the hot drink. “I love you too. Always will.” He hummed. “What’s going on?” 

While the water tasted a bit stale in his mouth, Isak felt a rush of relief knowing he had managed to go a full afternoon without replacing it with beer or something stronger. His body was not happy with him though. His head was pounding, sweat was gathering like a sheen on his arms, back and chest and his stomach was twisting uncomfortably, making him feel very, very off. Yet he knew it was the response he would get. Withstanding was the real test, one he was used to loosing because fighting it was so damn painful and hard. It took a lot of determination he usually couldn’t locate within himself. 

But he had to make some sort of change. If he wanted this relationship to last, not to mention if he didn’t want to hurt Max any more than he was sure he already had. He had been aware of the fact that the other was not doing well, even if they both had the tendency to distance themselves when life got tough. He’d rather avoid than fight and the fact that Max was the same might not play in their favor. Still, he was the one who had been making selfish decisions. So he had to be the one to break the cycle. 

What’s going on? Well that was definitely a question which there were a lot of answers to. “Look I have a lot to apologize for. I don’t want to loose you because I can’t be the version of me that you deserve. And I get that things have to change if we’re gonna be a ‘we’ any time soon. Cause I have no idea where we stand and what we are at the moment, but I know thats all on me.” Somehow he managed to keep eye contact the entire time, even as he felt the mix of shame and guilt knot in his stomach. 

[offtherxils]

Only you / Max&Isak

It was always miserable, waking up alone. But waking up alone, not only with a headache, but retching so hard down the toilet boil he thoughts his guts would come out, feeling weak and entirely gutted, was the most miserable Isak had been in a long while. He had ended up lying for hours on the bathroom floor, contemplating what the hell he was doing and how on earth he was supposed to turn this around. Because it was painfully clear that if he kept this up.. well he wouldn’t live for long. And that made him ponder if he was willing to sacrifice everything else, for something as pointless as drugs. 

By the time he heard the door being unlocked and Max coming home, Isak had done some serious soul searching while sticking to water and PB and J sandwiches. Being fully sober for more than an hour for the first time in over a month was a challenge, but the clarity sobriety brought made the fight worth fighting. 

“Can we talk?” he asked once his better half.. the love of his life, the only guy he wanted, walked into the kitchen. “I’m sober. I swear.” Considering that he should swear on something that really mattered, Isak took a deep breath. “I swear on your life. Cause if you don’t already know, I love you and you really are all that matters to me Max.” 

@maxwell--carter​

[offtherxils]

feyre-marlowe​:

Her brows knit in frustration at his words and at her inability to do much about it right now. She looked up at him, a feeling of helplessness taking over her. She couldn’t convince him, she couldn’t do much at all. She took a deep breath as his hand rest on her shoulder, not believing his words at all, but unsure of how to call him out on it in a way that wouldn’t disrupt the party. 

“Is, I’m always going to worry. It’s me we’re talking about.” She offered a tiny smile, but couldn’t hold it for very long. “I just want you to be careful, this stuff is a really slippery slope.” She took a hold of his hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze as she tried her best to not completely freak out, “I just don’t know what I’d do without you. Do you understand where I’m coming from?” 

Isak just wanted to dance and have a few drinks and enjoy what was rest of the night. Preferably with his best friend, though she seemed very far from in the dancing and partying mood which would potentially be a challenge to turn around. Tilting his head as he watched her face, he couldn’t quite decide whether to frown at the level of worry there or try despite the high he was on to continue this very serious conversation. 

“Oh alright. But can’t you try to worry tomorrow? I really wanted us to dance.” he said, still hopeful, taking that tiny smile as a small step towards a lighter mood. Alas her words made it quite difficult to move on from the topic, so clearly he had been a bit quick on the draw. The sensation of her hand squeezing his was really tingly which made him want to laugh, though even high he could tell that it would not be appropriate so he stifled it. “Yess?” he said, wanting to understand, yet the truth was that at this very moment he did not. At all. “Dance with me? Please?”